I know the feeling… I really do.
If I’m drinking sad or angry, the grog is fuel to the beast… If I’m in that mood, I know what I’m doing, I want to be morrrrrrre angry, mooore sad and booze can really be a wonderful aid in making me more of both… My head tells me that this is a sure way to get straight to my feelings… And I can really muster up a lot of tears and rage with a bottle of vodka in my stomach… And then I can convince myself that I’ve dealt with something, processed something… But I haven’t, for me I haven’t at all, no processing happened… Just fat sadness and / or anger… And Drunken expression of raw feeling… But zero healing… And in the end no real catharsism going on long term, feels it in the short term and until recently… Very… Until sober, I’ve been telling myself I’ve been getting relief from the pop, when in fact for a chunk of 28 years of so… I’ve been deluding myself… At least I think I have, jury is still out…
I hadn’t heard this… I have now and I dig it bootz… That’s one I’ll keep in the tool box for when the shit goes down… Thanks for that…
@Nullcorp you maybe alot of things but high functioning you are not. You are a run of the mill drunk just like myself. You have believed in your uniqueness for quite awhile. Please stop it for your own good.
High functioning in terms of career and getting on. As opposed to my sister bedridden with bipolar and other things. I have hilarious genetics.
Just keep working I think you are doing well regardless of your internal struggle. Quit paying attention to those feelings. Be teachable.
Just be careful the ego and stubbornness doesn’t also work to impede you. Since you mention those things I have to mention that a big part of this sobriety thing for me pivots on readily admitting my mistakes (accepting evidence that how I chose to proceed isn’t satisfactorily achieving intended results). Changing trajectory to something someone else suggested and eating humble pie. If you remember me when I joined last year, my September and October posts were all over the place. November I started accepting correction with more seriousness. Coincidentally, November is also when I started staying sober continuously instead of relapsing every week or month or few months, as the previous years had been.
Like, I’m not here to hand out said correction, to be clear, and I don’t feel like that’s my place. I didn’t even mean direct correction exclusively but taking other ideas in general. My intent here was just mentioning that component of the learning process.
And you seem to be connecting with @Nullcorp Brad better than me. As I’ve mentioned in the past I’m not that good with words.
But I can see when someone is struggling to accept and just wish to help.
Nice one James even in the midst of your own struggles you have the strength to reach out.
I tried to say it in a nice way. What I meant to say was go somewhere and sit down, shut the hell up, and get the fuck out of your own way. Doesn’t have to be AA. For Pete’s sake go to mensa meetings and do it.