It’s really hard right now and I’m not feeling positive about my future. I’m not really proud of my sobriety and this is the most unhappy I’ve ever been. I know everyone will say that drinking won’t make me feel better, but I also couldn’t feel any worse. This is the most empty and lost I’ve felt. There’s no getting better in the situation I’m in. and it’s strange but I don’t even really want to drink, because thinking about it seems tiresome, but I also don’t care about my sobriety. And it makes no sense but then again nothing makes sense. The only think that’s somewhat normal in my life is that I have food to eat. I’m grateful for the small things because I’ve felt what is like to be hungry before. But it’s not enough. I’m not staying alive to feed myself. I wish there was a meeting to go to tonight, but also I’m exhausted as well. I can’t tell you how badly I wish this nightmare would end.
It sounds like a really tough time for you. I’ve had a lot of doubt in my sobriety, but it’s been along the lines of questioning how my program was going or where I was with a higher power, not the basic presumption that I am committed to sobriety in an unshakable way.
Your idea to take actions that reflect valuing your sobriety, e.g. hitting a meeting, seems like a really positive indicator. If you can’t make an in-person meeting, you might try intherooms.com. Transparency first - I haven’t tried a meeting there, but I have done one or two in the past on line.
Blessings on your house. 
This is a lie. Yes, you could feel worse. You could wake up in a jail cell, or handcuffed to a bed. You could get a diagnosis of some alcohol related illness. You could do or say something while drunk, that irreparably harms an important relationship. You could miss a life-changing opportunity.
Gonna give it to you straight: you don’t quit the drink and then a big bag of puppies and happiness falls out of the sky, and in to your lap. It doesn’t work that way. If you were a lost, miserable soul while drinking, you’re still gonna be one sober, especially in early sobriety.
You have to decide to be better, and then you have to work to get better. Have you even decided what kind of life you want sober? What goals and dreams have you aspired to? You are free to pursue them, so get after it. Get out of Ohwoeismeville, blow through nowheretown, and make a beeline straight to Awesomeburg. No one’s gonna carry you there. You gotta crawl, walk, run. It’s on you.
Amen. There is more. I often hear it said, “I didn’t get sober just to be miserable,” and neither did I. Sobriety was only the beginning.
Getting outside my self was important to learning what I lived for. Setting aside the pain and listening for something bigger. Taking whatever small step I could to approach it, even if only taking a walk or cleaning my home.
It would be hard to describe briefly what followed, but it only came through staying sober and taking those steps on faith it would get better. Then it got better.
Can you find one small kindness to do today? For yourself or others? Set aside these feelings if only for a moment to place that first stepping stone, then the next?
Thank you. I want to just cry but I feel so empty. Right now I’m just going hour to hour. I’m tired of feeling so alone. Meetings help sometimes simply because they are distracting. But a lot of times I can’t even relate to what people say, because they talk about what they have to live for and lose, and people they are trying to be a better person for. And I don’t have that. It’s a weird feeling when you feel disconnected in a meeting. I’m feeling really alone right now because I’m feeling the weight of reality. Friends I have say they don’t understand how I do it and how I have been doing it, and I never have a good answer because I don’t know either and I’m pretty close to my breaking point I just keep it masked pretty well.
Have you tried sharing at meetings? Just in speaking with others there, you are helping them every bit they can help you.
I fully expect there are people in that room that 100% relate to how you are feeling right now, just as there are here (me, for one).
Hello again. In your Bio you wrote “I’m better at giving advice than taking it”. I’m curious. What advice would you give to someone in your situation. Write it out for me please
Hey check this guy out! Just helped me through a similar mind sequence
I would be speechless and not know what to say. Because there is nothing to say. I wouldn’t blame them for any shit they did… people have killed them selves over less shit than all of this.
I might even suggest having a beer and saying fuck it.
There’s nothing positive to hold onto. It seems like an impossible set of cards where you are forced to just resign/withdraw
Sounds like you’re reaching for excuses to drink. Treading dangerous waters.
Why did you get sober in the first place? I don’t know anyone who did as a lark, for shits and giggles. Dont think it can get worse? Oh it sure as hell can, there’s a duality to everything. It could always be better and it could always be worse.
I’d suggest doing some volunteer work, doing something that benefits someone else has tremendous psychological advantages, it’s been proven to raise self worth, esteem, give people a sense of purpose and it’s a great way to “kill time”.
Get out of yourself and into someone else, some of the best medicine/advice I was ever given.
I’m well aware I’m treading dangerous waters, but I’m already drowning. Loneliness is dangerous. I’m a new city by myself with no family to reach out if I wanted to. Lack of support is just a serious struggle right now to even get slightly on my feet. I’m crawling and I’m doing it trying to keep a smile on my face.
They got soup kitchens where you’re at?
Any luck finding work?
Theo Von is the man!
Dude I’m so glad I found him!!!
He keeps it so real I relate to him so much. That video in particular, "a homesexual dude gave me some Soma’s, he was a homesexual prize fighter " 
dying every time
You have had some good sound advice here. I’m going to go the @Yoda-Stevie route here and be a bit tough.
You, ultimately are the one who can lift yourself up.
Start thinking positively!
Do something active to change the mindset.
You feel you’ve got a bad hand at the moment? Fine, change it. In cards you can change any cards that you don’t like. In life, change the elements you don’t like.
Just as it’s a slow spiral down, it’s also a slow spiral up. The more you do out of kindness, love and generosity, either to yourself or others, the better you will feel. But it takes time. Baby steps
Isolation is not helping, so the first baby step would be to find something to do, something simple, like as @CaptAZ says, help out somewhere. The people who run these things are nice people. They can help you. Speak to someone at a meeting , maybe actually try and connect with someone, believe me, you never know where a simple hello can lead! The more you gain in confidence the better you will feel and it will begin to show in other areas. Your social network will grow and you will find that you can be a benefit to people and this will add to your own wellbeing and so on and so on UP the spiral.
Spiritual growth!
Hope this makes sense.
@CaptAZ already hinted at it, but volunteer or service work is a tried and true method of getting out of your own head. Grab a garbage bag and clean up your neighborhood even. Maybe go to the local hospital and see if they have a detox unit and go talk to some struggling alcoholics. When it comes to volunteer work there is no shortage of things to do.
Hey there -
It sounds like you are in so much pain. I think you have mentioned dealing with depression. Do you see a doctor or a therapist for help managing it? If so, maybe it’s time for a talk with them?
I’ve been where you are,where everything just seems hopeless and like it will never be any better. It’s the worst feeling in the world. What I have to remember is that it will not always feel like that. If I can just push through and survive through the worst, it will get better. Sometimes that takes a medication change, sometimes that takes lots of sunshine and exercise even when I don’t feel like it. What never has helped is alcohol. Booze only teases me with hope, then it drags me down to a new level of hell.
For today, maybe reach out to a doctor. Maybe try to go to a meeting and talk to some folks afterward, even if you don’t feel like sharing. Be as gentle with yourself as you can, knowing that this will not be forever. Get some sunshine if you can. If you get to a place where you are seriously thinking of hurting yourself and ready to do it, please get yourself to a hospital emergency room. You are far, far too valuable to lose.
All you have to do is get through today sober and alive. You can do that. Even when it seems impossible, you can do that. You are not alone.