Stopping myself from drinking during times of extreme stress. Help!

Life in Recovery
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Hey friends,

This journey has been difficult, as I am sure it has been for all of you as well. Last night, I got home from a 12 hour work day to find my boyfriend’s mother sitting on my couch watching tv and drinking wine. She just came and let herself on in and got comfy. Brought a box of wine over with her too. The thing of it is, her husband died unexpectedly less than a month ago. So she’s grieving big time. Needless to say, she stressed me out, so I had A drink with her (1). I’ve reset my counter AGAIN.

My question to everyone here is, what do you do when you have such a severe urge to drink and you’re angry/super stressed out? In the moment, it feels like there is no stopping it. How do I stop it? Because I know this is going to happen again, she will probably be around a lot. And I’m not about to tell a grieving wife to leave. I need to find a way to stay strong.

M.

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Hey M,
I’m sorry to hear about your stressful night. Death in the family is a huge trigger and stressful time for sure. I would say…it sounds like she was going to drink no matter what, but…for you…I think the easiest way to think about it might be “how am I most of service in this moment?” You’re probably able to be more caring and rational, and able to sense your OWN grief and need for love and support through a clean sober mind. The wine numbed the feelings a bit last night (or…made them worse depending) but today, you’re left with impaired mental faculties and a body that is taking away your focus from your emotional needs bc it feels crappy and dehydrated. Perhaps write down all these reasons why being sober in this situation would be helpful so that the next time the stress arises you can go back and see why sobriety would be a better choice in the moment. I hope this helps…sending you and your family love❤️

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Thank you so much. I think making a list of why being sober through this is a great idea. I will be doing that today. :heart:

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Next time pick up the phone and call another Alcoholic BEFORE you take the first drink. This disease wants you dead, last night they won a round. You need to win the battle.

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I too keep a list of why I don’t drink…it helps me a lot. Sometimes a quick walk around the block or a half hour of downtime in my bedroom helped a lot in the beginning.

I am sorry for your boyfriend’s Mom’s loss, but you need to take care of YOU. Drinking is only going to make you feel worse about it all and add to your stress.

Here is my list to get you started…

Waking up regret free each morning.

No hangovers ever!!

Treating husband with respect and no drunk fighting

Self respect gets a major boost

No more internal conflict about drinking and if/how can I cut down or stop

Restful restorative uninterrupted sleep!!!

Major pride in myself and all that I have and can accomplish

A sense of peace and calm

No more embarrassment and shame because of my behavior

Forgiving myself for past mistakes and terrible judgement

No wondering what I did or how I hurt husband or others while drunk

No treating people I love, including myself, poorly while drunk

No drunk driving and possibly hurting self or others or jail

No upset stomach from drinking

No anxiety and near constant agitation when hungover

No dark suicidal thoughts

No shame around neighbors if I was loud and yelling or loud music

No blackouts ever

No overwhelming shame at my behavior

No oversharing with strangers while drunk or making plans I will need to cancel

Not having to check my phone in the middle of the night to delete social media posts - no drunk texting/emails/posts/calls

Not be bloated and puffy and look haggard

Clear skin and eyes

Major pride in myself and a boost in self esteem

No hangovers ever again

No more excuses or lies

Being present for family and friends

Being the strongest/most loving/caring me possible

Peace of mind - a true sense of peace with myself and life

Pride

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LOVE this list!!! Yes, yes, YES!

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Check out the thread “reasons for fighting” created by @ShamedPuppet I think you might find it helpful

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@Needhelp1128 Can you say something like, “Hey it’s good to see you when I come home:) I feel like I should probably tell you that I have quit drinking. I really need to or I am going to end up way down a bad road.”?

Or maybe next time you say “Oh snapdragons! Gotta run out to the (pick a place)”

Or “Hey Delores give her a hug I’m sorry but I am beat. I need a bath and my bed to take me beyond.”

Or Something? Ya gotta get outta the moment. Chances are that if you could consistently and dependable ward off such moments, you wouldn’t be here on the first place. And if that is true, you your ability to stand will be dependent on other people’s decisions if you can’t get free of the situation.

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Or," I’m happy to sit with you, and be with you. I’ve given up alcohol for lent, but feel free to imbibe. It’s no temptation for me. Really. I’m just gonna read my Bible for a bit. If I start speaking in tongues, don’t get freaked out. It’s just the holy spirit answering my prayers, not to be tempted by that wine you are drinking…really, it’s no problem…"

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:joy:ok playa
I was being serious!

Although maybe the script exhibited some oddities😂