Hi there, thought I’d introduce myself. I’m 42, a single mom of an 11 year old (who is my world) and proud to say I’m sick of the circus. I have used drugs A LOT in my life for a very long time. Woke up from a meth binge 11 years ago pregnant and engaged to my dealer (I blanked out for 22 days at least). I tried to make it work, moved across the country to his city, became clean and focused on my son. It didn’t work out (shocking!). I fought for my rights in court and won primary care of my son. He is now with someone else, a hard-core user, lost his daughter they had and doesn’t see his son. He has been on and off homeless for 4 years. So I know what rock bottom looks like. Yet still I binged speed 4 years ago for a few months and recently I am recovering from a 3 month heavy use crack binge. The cycle is ridiculous. It’s like I have no impulse control AT ALL and just say yes to everything all the time. Dont even get me started on sex (bi single unicorn).I’m bipolar1, PTSD, psychosis and I am on lots of meds for it all. While smoking crack, I still took my meds, so I have that for me at least. But I can’t keep up the same cycle, it’s too much. This almost killed me (bad people and bad circumstances). So the buck stops here. 14 days clean, sober, proud, still with my son. I’m going for sole custody- ironic, right??? Sigh. Just trying to keep my head above water. Anyone relate?
I can relate to the chaos and unmanageability your drug use caused you. I was in psychosis as well and put on a drug commitment from a hospital for being admitted 9 times within a 6 week period for drug induced psychosis and then overdosed off of my other DOC. I was crazy, hopeless, homeless, broken and lost. I was in treatment for 18 months court ordered by the state of Minnesota because they thought my drug use was a harm to myself. It wasn’t enough for me to quit. I was doing drugs inside of treatment centers and finally I woke up, freaked out and said “I believe in God!” (Step 2) 3 days after my last use of meth and didn’t get high for 5 months but relapsed. I went back to old people and old places and got high and scared myself straight and knew I was gonna die if I continued down this road so I got into treatment again for the millionth tie and I have been sober ever since. I am celebrating 19 months in 2 days. I am happy you are on the road to recovery and just take it one step at a time. My life is so different now, I am different!
Thanks moonchild. I appreciate you sharing your story too. It gives me strength! WE’VE GOT THIS!!
Good for you for being sober for so long. I hope I reach that many months too. Stay in touch.