Guys I need motivation. I have been clean past 90 days! My biggest stressor is my bf isn’t working so the rent is falling on me and I fear being homeless so bad . I have a ton of trauma when it comes to foster homes and placements growing up. I would run from home for getting beat. Anyway. So I have attachment trauma to my bf. He was in a role of leadership when we met so he lost his career to be with me. He lost it all for me. He ended up relapsing after that ( he had 12 years clean) and hasn’t been able to cope with the terror or panic disorder. He shakes and convulses almost because of all the shame and guilt. He accuses me of cheating all the time。 it sucks. Found out he was cheating emotionally (for all I know ) the entire time. Keep finding clues he’s talking to women AND men. I give up. I can’t keep up with that. Especially being new to recovery. I just got a job at ihop. Hopefully it goes ok.
I do not find the way he is treating you to be acceptable especially if you are paying all the bills. Stay sober and think about if you really want to keep on putting up with his bullshit.
Omg thank you. He can be really great and has been a great supporter for me。 but he isn’t all bad. He’s sweet and charismatic, and handsome… etc . Very likeeable. Narcissistic tendencies… habitual liar … won’t admit it. Idk how many more addresses I can see pop up on google/Apple Maps. Fuck. And ya I’m bringing in the money for now.
Narcissists are very good at being all of those things you mentioned such as nice and charismatic. But they are only nice and charismatic as a means to their own selfish end to take advantage of others…
I’ve noticed if something benefits him he will allow it. He will blame me for the data being crossed over our devices and me seeing some things he’s doing. Like loking up different addresses and jobs in different area codes. Add I get for starting over new in life somewhere else …. So I have a feeling he’s using me until he leaves. Which fucks me and makes me homeless. I have horrible credit and felonies so getting an apartment is almost impossible . Suggestions would be nice . Anyway. Thanks
Do you live in an urban area where there are services for housing placement? Maybe you can talk to someone and see what options are available while building credit and putting any felony record farther into the past…
Yeah those are good ideas. I wouldn’t know where to begin looking for a place and applying for assistance. They’ve paid my rent before in the past. So I wonder if I find a place first . I’m scared of being discriminated against by not having a job for very long .
Hang in there and stay sober. It will only open more opportunities for you to improve your life situation…
My advice, from experience, is to silently leave asap! Sounds like hes playing games. From one woman to another, please leave sooner than when it’s too late!
I second that.
Plan asap and leave.
That is not a good way to live.
You deserve better.
Co dependent relationships are toxic.
That is a better life out there waiting for you
His relapse and bad behavior is NOT on you. That’s ALL him. You don’t owe him anything. Get out, cut him loose and stay sober. You deserve way better than living like this
His choices are his responsibility and your choices are yours. You should focus on doing what’s best for yourself, which would be staying sober, keep going to work, and figure out your options for leaving/finding a new place to live. He sounds like a wolf in sheeps clothing. No matter how handsome or charming or fun he can be, it’s not worth putting up with all the cheating and disrespect. And it does seem like he is using you to financially support him while he does whatever he wants. Believe me, I have been there more than once. Life is too damn short to be taking care of a man who doesn’t truly love you!
90 days sober is an incredible achievement and you should be very very proud of yourself. You deserve a partner who supports you and treats you with love and kindness. You can start by treating yourself with love and kindness and getting yourself out of this toxic relationship so you can begin to heal.
90 days congratulations