I’m struggling so bad and I need help. I was 1 week sober but in my personal life I’m stressed and my husband is not sober. Tonight, before I even truly considered taking a drink I found him completely drunk in our bedroom. We’ve both been trying to cut back, but I wanted complete abstinence at least for me. I was doing good with flavored waters and such but now I r relapsed. Any tips/tricks/advice? I love my husband desperately but he’s got a lot of his own trauma that’s not fully treated.
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Welcome Sydaust
Many of us quit with a spouse that drinks. It can be done. I was so done with drinking I gave it up. My wife lost her drinking buddy. She never asked for that. But I quit. Being very active on here and my knowledge of alcoholism and lots of Al-Anon has kept me sober.
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Don’t beat yourself up for a relapse, the only thing you can do is do the next best thing for yourself. You can’t get anyone else sober, but what you can do is do it for yourself and be an example to your loved one that they could do it too if they really wanted it. Don’t set any expectations and assume he will sober up because you are. Find yourself a room of AA and get a community of people who want to stay sober. This forum is wonderful but being with people that are like minded helped me tremendously. Good luck on your journey.
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Hi @Sydaustynluke3,
I am sober with a husband who drinks daily. I go to Al-anon and AA Meetings and both have helped me to stay in my lane with my personal journey to sobriety. His actions and behaviours do not impact my decisions to stay sober. Al- anon also helped me to see that its not my place to even think about my husbands trauma or reasons for drinking, truthfully that is none of my business.
I have learned to live my life and do the things I want to do. I always ask if he would like to join me and he mostly says no because he would prefer to stay home and drink and that is ok with me. I go anyway and enjoy myself, visiting friends and family, going places etc. We do occasionally have a nice time watching TV together and I enjoy that too. I adore the man and have no plans to not be with him anymore. I had to accept that our life looks different now we are not drinking buddies any more. He has a drinking buddy (old childhood friend) and I have sober buddies and we do just fine.
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You are such a strong person Fiona, so very grounded and composed, big respect to you xxx
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@Sydaustynluke3 I can only echo what @Lastry posted xxx take care of yourself
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I just stormed out of my bedroom as I was trying to discuss why I was in such a bad mood yesterday to my partner. I let him know I joined a sobriety group bc I understand that he doesn’t understand my addiction to alcohol. He laughed and said “ that doesn’t mean I have to stop I’m not an alcoholic”…… I went to my room( a space I created for myself) and the tears are flowing. I’d usually get a drink if I’m feeling down but now I have to face my lion. It’s literally day two for me. Remember that you’re doing this for yourself and there is nothing that can defeat you! You got this!
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Welcome to Talking Sober Tamar! Congrats on reaching day two. Doing that means you can do it the next one too, and the next, just as long as you keep going one day at a time. Sorry for the non-supportive remarks by your partner. You do this for you. Hope this place can give you some support. Welcome again and wishing you all success. Hugs.
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