So glad you posted here. Your tough time can be worked through with good support. Admitting you need help with addiction is scary, but a step in the process of healing. Asking for help is crucial to moving forward. Wanting sobriety, but not doing anything about it is still just wanting. Going it alone makes it harder.
Read around and keep posting, you’ll find a team of people who get you and who can be helpful on your journey. Here’s a thread that helps with planning for sobriety success: What’s YOUR plan?
Wish you all the best, you’ve got this!