Decided to stay sober last week. Went to the bar with the hubby, friends and a little family. At dinner i asked what they had for N/A options and they only had root beer or Heineken. The waitress came off genuine but the vibe was she was really weird about it…at one point I almost said screw it and almost ordered a vodka cran or a Manhattan because I felt embarrassed ordering NA. Then went to a 1920s party and they had TONS of NA options! But obviously at a bar there are drunkards. I’d see them leave with keys in hand. Stumbling everywhere. Slurring their words. Etc
I envied them but at the same time there was pity. Idk what to do with these two conflicting feelings. Everyone around me drinks. I work as a bartender/barista and so it’s everywhere. I like how whiskey is my friend, but deep down, it’s my enemy and the temptation is all around me.
Thank you for reading my rant of confusion and frustration 
idk what my whole point of this post is. But I guess the struggle was there tonight and I’m working on sobriety and a lot of mental health focuses and I guess I’m reaching out? I’ve always been the one helping others and being the one people rely on, so maybe it’s good to vent and reach out? And maybe ask for words of encouragement?
Suzy,
The conflicting feelings is a natural thing. You have to remember your brain is programmed at the minute to have a drink. Like everything it takes time, conscious effort and will power. Temptations will seem to be around you more and more because you are trying to avoid them. There’s no way of avoiding all triggers, especially if it is part of your job. All you can do is remain committed, the days go by and even though it’s never easier your brain processes the thoughts easier and you don’t feel as conscious with your thoughts not to use they just start coming more naturally.
Alcohol convinces a person that it is somehow the solution when in fact it is the problem. It’s a cunning thing.
Here for you if you need to rant more, that’s what this place is all about!
Thank you so much for replying. I’m glad it’s a normal feeling ha
You will find a lot of things conflict with how you used to feel to how you feel now. Some which you never even realised were related to your drinking.
One of the things that worked for me was noticing things like seeing others drink etc were happening, accepting and acknowledging them and then not giving them any value because they added nothing to my recovery. I still have to think that I don’t want to have a drink but now I don’t think about thinking about not drinking. (Hope that makes sense).
It does! I’ll do that next time I’m around it which will definitely be tomorrow…
Hang in there! Congratulations on saying no today! I always say to myself: I am not drinking for today and I probably won’t drink tomorrow!
Hey Suzy, congrats on overcoming temptation like that. It’s weird in the beginning, to be the odd one out and notice how everyone else around you changes as they get more drunk, and realise, that was you. And probably worse (in my case, definitely, much).
In your job it’ll be paramount to change routines to stay sober during and post shifts. Have lots na drinks, I always have one or two going at all times, ditto food, don’t go hungry. Make it known to colleagues you’re sober. Don’t hang around for the post shift shenanigans for a while. You’ll be craving sugar at the start for the energy and you’re used to it as the body processes alcohol similarly - give in to it. It’ll level itself out in a while. For now just do anything and everything you need in order to not drink.
Lastly I would consider sitting a few events and gatherings out if you feel so weirded out and tempted. We’ve all been there. Early recovery is a time for reflection and coming to yourself for the first time in a long time. It’s not the time to blindly pursue what we’ve always done, it’s time for change. Embrace it.
Well done on coming here to seek community. You’re doing a good job! Stay strong!
Its tough to see other people drinking and think we’re missing out when we are first starting with our sobriety. Totally normal to think we should just order a drink because its the norm and its in our comfort to want that warm feeling of intoxication. Because everyone else is and we feel out of place when abstaining but fact of the matter is its only our perception on things and the longer we are sober the better we get at seeing things and feeling things differently. What i realize is that alcohol doesn’t give me anything, it takes away, my feelings an emotions, money, time, friends, family, jobs, and fredom, my reality gives me a false sence of comfort and belonging. The more we’re able to see the negative effects alcohol has on our lives and of so many others the more we want to stay sober. Read hear often and reach out when your feeling the need to vent alot of people with suggestions that might help you in your recovery. Take it easy, and be well.
That’s one thing that separates alcohol from other addictions, is that it’s legal and socially acceptable, and therefore somewhat hard to avoid. After all, you go to a wedding, they have Champaign. You never see a wedding where everybody’s got a crack pipe. (Depends on the neighborhood, I suppose).
I still feel weird at these functions, tempted and repulsed at the same time. I just try to keep in mind all the embarrassing stuff I did when I was in their position. Assuming I could remember it all, which I usually don’t . 
Stick with this; temptation will always be there, but you won’t always feel strange or conflicted.