Hi all. Im happy to say that I’m over one week no alcohol and no marijuana. But the gambling is the hardest for me to stop. 3 hours ago I gambled the last available money I have . Now I’m depressed and disappointed in myself yet again. The worry of how I can pay rent and bills coming up this week is unbearable. I look on Facebook for friends to reach out to for help. It feels like no one is here to help me. It feels like I am in this alone. I can’t tell my wife. I feel terrible lying to her. But she is so happy and everything seems normal for her and us. But I’m hiding this terrible secret, gambling, which she thinks I quit years ago. The debt and financial ruin seems to be the worst part. I don’t want to be homeless and divorced. That’s what scares me the most. I can’t sleep and I find myself watching YouTube videos about gambling addiction. I will pray to God shortly and hope that when I wake up tomorrow, work goes well , I’m happier and I stay away from the gamble. I will for today, because there is no access to money left. I worry about payday kb thursday, when money is available, but that money needs to go to rent and bills. And I still think I will be short. I’ve never been short on rent but I think this time I will be. Will my landlord send an eviction letter for being short a few hundred dollars until the 15 of november when I can pay it in full? I sure as well hope now. Please send me your strength. Love you all
Is anyone awake? I feel like I’m begging for help and or friendship.
Gala, thanks so much for posting. Appreciate your kind words. The fact you don’t post , but you posted for me, makes me feel special. After struggling to sleep, I feel peace for now and am able to sleep. Sadly, im Dreading waking up in the morning to then realize that I am back to my reality of being broke. Hugs to you
Im here too Deric, ive been a gambling addict and an alcoholic so I understand aswell, big hugs, why do you think you do it? What are your whys? I think to begin looking at your reasons is where you can begin to unpack whats going on here xx
I used to be addicted to gambling as well. Big wins were big wins and everything else was a complete loss. I remember being sick to my stomach watching the last of my money disappear.
What worked for me was changing my habits. I gambled at the bar, so I stopped going to the bar. Pool halls, casinos, and restaurants with machines?
Gone.
you have to cut yourself off from the apps, websites, lock credit cards..
But also be transparent with your wife. Have to be honest in all aspects of your life.
I wish you luck, if I was able to do it anyone can.
I think I’m used to the feeling of euphoria that it gives. Escape from my problems and my reality.
Being open and honest with my wife is super scary. I don’t want her to leave me.
The euphoria is short lived and often makes everything worse, I think to begin with youve got to start getting your head around the fact that this is doing nothing good for you whatsoever and that one big win your chasing that will make everything ok again is nothing but fiction….it has to stop….it is not working for you and so you have to make sobriety your main priority, put as many things in place to stop you being able to gamble as you can possibly think of…self exclusion….blocking cards….contacting your bank to have them block any payments to those sites…take control of it….we will be here for you but you are not going to see any results if you keep sticking your head in the sand and doing the same thing
Hey there! Im so sorry ur going thru this. I hear the desperation in ur words. U dont have to live this way. Gambling doesnt have to control you friend. Gambling is such an awful addiction and can really negatively impact ones life.
I have never had a gambling addiction (my addiction was drugs) but i feel like there are some similarities in the sense that our minds will lie to us. It will try to convince us that its okay to engage in our addiction one time. Or that it will be different this time. Its all a lie! If u can tell when that voice is popping up, u can counteract it with the truth. Tell urself that it will not be different this time. That u will lose all ur money. That u will feel depressed and scared and ashamed. Remember the reality of ur addiction my friend. Write down ur reasons for wanting to quit. Read this list wheb u want to gamble. Remind urself of the reality of gambling.
I also read that ur scared to tell ur wife, but hiding this will make things worse. Our addictions love secrecy. We suffer more when we keep things a secret. She may be upset but she can also be a huge support for u. I would really think about telling her. Bcuz right now if ur short on rent, she will probably be asking questions anyway.
Make a plan for ur payday. Pay ur bills IMMEDIATELY before u do anything else with ur money. I used to struggle with my paydays too. Id spend my money on drugs and not have enough to pay bills. And then id be borrowing money to survive and thrn have to pay them back. Its a vicious circle. What helped it giving my money to someone i trusted. This could be ur wife for u, if she was aware of ur addiction. This helped me to not spend my money on drugs, bills got paid, we had food, etc. Do u think this would help? Now paydays dont trigger me anymore. But ultimately if u want to wuit this addiction, ull need the support and part of that is being honest with our loved ones. Just a suggestion of course. But it would probably help 
Very well said. I will do what you suggested.
Wow. Thank you for the detailed reply. I agree with everything you said. I will try my best to follow the suggestions you offered for me. Very much appreciate your time and concern. I’m proud of myself that I’ve completely stopped alcohol and marijuana . It’s. A week now and I don’t even crave them. My goal this week is to not gamble, one day a time. Once I’ve stayed clean for some time, I may get the strength to tell the wife. Keep going with your sobriety. I’m proud of you for as well.
Im really proud of you too!!! I think ur making great strides in battling ur addictions. A week from alcohol and weed is amazing!! Take everything one day at a time. Even one hour or one minute at a time. You have the determination for a better life. I can hear it in ur post Never give up friend
One day at a time, head on the pillow sober is the only goal for today
We got this! I will keep you updated on how I’m feeling and doing. It’s a very special feeling to be here with all you amazing people.
That’s exactly how I felt last night. One night and day at a time. Thank you for being here for me. I want to give the support to others that they need as well. It’s rewarding to know we are doing this all together.
Look man, i can only angle shoot this idea..
I play poker, i tell whoever im dating, or whatever, that I play.
I wouldn’t lie that I didnt play, when thats how I paid for whatever.
My point is, probably should admit it.
You double downed and you could be coming up short. You’re not just messing with your own life. But hers as well.
All I can say, is just admit it to her, its your wife. Wife, man.
Its not that we wont try and help.
But, helping and enabling are 2 different things.
There’s something about living authentically….its so beneficial to the soul to live honestly and with integrity….being able to look at yourself in the mirror and others in the eye and know you are an honest person regardless of what you’ve done and been through is so important for sense of self, when you deceive it chips away at your wellbeing, your self esteem and keeps you inside the clutches of addiction, it is very true that truth will set you free friend
The best person who can be by your side when you at your worst is your partner.
If she wants to leave because you need help and you are struggling, there is something you can both work on when you sit to talk about it.
the other option is to stop all together right now. Knowing that if she finds out she’s gone.
The last thing you want is it to still be a secret and her find out. Because then it’s not about the gambling, it’s the trust she expects you to have and be able to confide in her.
I get it, it’s scary, but how can you be the best version of yourself without being fully responsible for yourself and your actions.
your wife will love you, it’s okay to be weak and need her help. That’s why we marry and laterally move forward in life together. To keep us from veering and wake up everyday with a reminder of why we choose to be the good instead of the bad.
I hear you man. I’ve not only hurt myself I’ve hurt my future with my wife. Our stability is damaged financially. I think a big problem is we never combined our finances. They were separate from the beginning. As ive gotten deeper into debt I felt like it was my responsibility and not hers. Also her threat she would leave me 5 years ago if I didn’t quit was why I kept it from her. I know you are right. The consequences will be terrible when she finds out on her own or if I tell her. I think deep down she knows I continued, but I don’t think she could fathom that I’m 33,000 $ in debt. That number will blow her away and it will be hard for her to deal with that. I see her leaving and going back to her family in Brazil. Because we haven’t really built a good life here in Canada. Toronto is so damn expensive to live even without a gambling addiction.
Look, even if you got away with it forever.
The thoughts will keep you down. The cycles. The lies. The debt.
But, as you said, she probably knows.
People know, they feel, especially being around a person.
Unfucking oneself is a job no one wants to do.
But, eventually, what else are we going to do?
..
Admit, work on change and let Jesus take control. Thats all a man can do.