I am a 44 year old stay at home mother of two amazing little boys - ages 2 and 4. I was a high school counselor for fifteen years before I had my children. I have the most wonderful husband on the planet. I have fantastic friends.
I am also an alcoholic. I’ve hidden the extent of my drinking for years. Some times have been better than others, but lately there is no getting around the fact that I am addicted. I hate who I have become.
I found this site three days ago. I’ve read a lot of your stories. I set my tracker, and I was really proud of my two days sober. Then I had a terrible day yesterday, capped off with attending a bridal shower where the host put a glass of wine in my hand when I arrived. I did not say no.
I came home sobbing. I felt like such a failure - for the hundreth time. I had a really honest conversation with my husband and told him everything. How I drink five, six, seven drinks a night, hide vodka in my club soda, wake up almost daily with a hangover, and how ashamed I am. I never want my boys to see me like this. My husband was really wonderful and supportive. So, I’ve reset my tracker, and here I am. Any words of advice would be so appreciated.
Hi there! Welcome! Its really great that you opened up to your husband. Im sure he will be your biggest cheerleader! Everyone on here has been super helpful, encouraging, and supportive…Ive found it super helpful to read and engage on here, especially during my first days w/o drinking. Ive been a binge drinker 2 to 3 times a week…and have been for many years! Also a momma of 2 and working to break the horrible drinking cycle…mostly for them and my health of course.
Thank you so much. Still trying to process that this has to be the end of my drinking. Cutting down has never worked, lying to myself has done nothing but keep me in this terrible place. Thank you again for reaching out.
You’ve already taken such great steps! The first one is admitting the problem. The second is seeking support! It sounds like you have a fabulous support system at home but don’t ever be afraid to reach out for professional help as well if you need to! This site is wonderful, has great people in it and we all stay fighting the battle together. Welcome!
Thank you for reaching out. My sweet husband is contacting his Employee Assistance Program today. Apparently I’m eligible to use their services. I don’t know what that will look like - I just know that I need help and have not been able to do it on my own.
Most of us hadn’t either. I know there are several of us that are currently longer than we’ve been in literally decades by using this app! I’m at 41 days, it’s still new too me too but by far the longest I’ve been. Happy to have you on board and I’m glad rhey have assistance available for you! Just focus one minute at a time if you need to until you can focus one day at a time. Some days, you need to both still. Just know you’re not alone and the light on the other side is amazing, even if it’s bright sometimes!
Hi @McCatt
It is great that you have been honest with your husband. Remove all signs of alcohol from your house, no point putting temptation in your way.
I have used the EAP for other purposes and a counsellor rang me back and although at the time I was distressed, he talked me through the issues and gave great advice on getting through them. Sometimes just talking to a non judgemental person about your concerns, the reasons why you drink and what you want to achieve from sobriety I’m sure will help.
Alcoholism affects anyone, from all walks of life. Two books I read which had a real impact on me (not to mention the man who collapsed outside a restaurant I was in, so drunk he could not get off the floor) were: “The unexpected joy of being sober” by journalist Catherine Gray and the other one a novel whose title and author I forget, but never the book content, which concerns a professional married mother with a child and how she chose alcohol over them. I have not felt so upset by a book in years and it stays with you long after the last page. I wish you every future happiness
Welcome to the group! I am about your age and also had to come to the conclusion that I had to quit completely, not just cut back. I drank a little in high school and college but it wasn’t a problem until my 30’s. Not sure why I could handle it before but not later in life. I am always struck by how indiscriminate alcoholism is. It can affect anyone regardless of age, race, sex, profession, income bracket, you name it. This group has been the only thing I have found to work for me when it comes to staying sober. You are so smart to get a grip on this before something really bad happens. I was too stubborn to tell my boyfriend or ask for help and I made it so much worse in the long run. Best of luck to you. Everyone here is so supportive. It’s like a big, crazy family!
I have quit so many times in the last two decades, I should be a pro at it. I have dumped so much alcohol down the drain, I probably could get a small country drunk. We have all been there. This place has really helped me. I am at 28 days, outside of when I was on deployment and didnt have access to it, this is the longest I have ever been with out a drink. Everyone here has helped. Taking it one day at a time has helped. You can do this!
Awesome awesome awesome! The hardest part is admitting and sharing with your loved ones. I hear you about feeling horrible about letting yourself down again and feeling sick. You are doing great - your here and your back on track. Have you read the book Alan Carr’s “stop drinking the easy way”? It’s great you must read he book entirely and it somehow works the subconscious to realise not drinking means you are FREE
I have not read the Alan Carr book, but you are the second person to recommend it. I’ll download it to my Kindle today. Thank you for saying hi and for your words of encouragement.
Today has been a good day. Went out to breakfast with my husband and boys then spent a long time out in the sunshine. It felt amazing not to feel foggy and irritable. I’m emotionally all over the place, but much husband and I are taking a lot. Just taking it hour by hour. Thanks for asking.
Excellent - yes I love the clearer mind and having more patience for others. I always felt like my body was struggling to heal itself during the day until wine time when the circle would start all over again. Enjoy your day
Day three almost done. Today was rough. I was really emotional and irritable. I don’t know how to just BE in the evenings without wine in my hand. I don’t know how to turn off the anxious switch in my mind when the day is really hard. My children are at really cute, yet incredibly tough ages 2 and 4.They bicker constantly, fight over possessions, ask 9,326 questions an hour. All things that are age appropriate, yet the constant noise and whining is hard to take - and much harder now that I don’t pop open a bottle of wine once they are asleep. I’ve loved waking up without a hangover for the past three days. Now if I can stop being so damn irritable and moody…
