Really having a hard time as I approach my first year sobriety date…wow what is wrong w me? Lots of tears.
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Gosh… I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I don’t have any amazing advice. I’m on day 31 here and have very little experience. But I just wanted you to know someone hears you. What I do know about intense emotions is that they don’t last. You won’t feel like this forever. Let the feelings come and go. Feel them. Experience them. But recognize that feelings aren’t facts and they change. Maybe make a list of why you got sober to begin with? Think about all the positive things that have happened in the last year. Make a gratitude list? Just some thoughts.
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I like your gratitude list idea. Work has been stressful lately and recently a friend of mine who still drinks basically ghosted me? So I am wondering why be sober if people are just gonna ditch me? I don’t know if I even like myself right now:(
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Have you ever heard of the milestone funk. It’s a real thing, we can get incredibly down around milestones, especially the one year one. Regarding the friends that ghosted your unfortunately we often find out who our real friends are when we stop using and drinking, some were often not friends in the first place 
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I have never heard of the milestone funk? Oh no. I have already lost “friends “ from being sober so long. This sucks. He asked me to help him quit and he couldn’t do it and now we don’t talk anymore.
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Ah…I could see how that could bring up some doubts. Being ghosted sucks. But it most likely has more to do with a character flaw of the person who ghosted you than anything wrong with you. Some people don’t like to see others succeed because it highlights things that are wrong in their lives. I’m certain there are things you can find to like about yourself. If you have someone you trust and love maybe you can ask them to list off some things they like/appreciate about you if you can’t think of any yourself. Stay strong! We’re here for ya.
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Was going to say the same as @anon13078412. I’m 20 days off the year and I’ve got all sorts of stuff in my head that I haven’t had for a while.
This too shall pass, as they say.
As @crystalclear says, write a list out of all the reasons why you got sober in the first place.
You don’t say what sort of program you have been working. Do you mind me asking? Most official recovery programs work around changing ourselves and our perception of alcohol. Have you been doing any work on yourself and any underlying issues?
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Yeah in my last conversation w him he was saying my life was going great (it really has improved so much since quitting!) and his was going downhill. He is right and all I can do is stand back ya know? Why even try I guess? I hope this all makes sense one day.
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You have to remember that this is all on him. You can only do you. It’s great that he came to you for help but there should be no resentment on either side if it didn’t work out this time for him.
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That’s his issue then, he is likely embarrassed and feeling ashamed, I’m sure he will be in touch when he’s ready, don’t risk your sobriety over it though, you can only invest so much. The milestone funk is real and well documented on here
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I need to get back to AA!!! I never should have spent so much time trying to help the “friend “. Also he was pursuing me romantically which I stupidly allowed!! All the lines got blurred. Awful experience. Long sad story too.
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Unfortunately it’s more complicated than that because it turned “romantic “. He felt he had to be perfectly sober fixed etc for it to all work? Which made him feel worse and me as well? So sad! I miss my friend.
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It’s hard to stand back and watch someone make mistakes and bad choices when you know they are headed for disaster. I’ve had to do this with my own kids. But really, it’s the only way they can truly learn and change. With friends I’ve found that sometimes it’s just time to take a break for a season. When that person is draining me and not providing anything in return there’s only so much you can take. I just try to support from a healthy distance if possible. If not, I just go no contact for a while until I’m in a better Headspace to handle them. You make perfect sense to me. Just remember, you’re not responsible for anyone else’s emotional well being. Don’t take on problems that aren’t yours to solve.
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My sobriety was totally at risk and still is. Now I feel like no one will accept me unless I am some drunk party girl? I am in hell
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The only way your should have been helping should have been taking him to meetings and since you’re in AA id have thought you would know to avoid romantic feelings, at least with an active addict. I’m not trying to be harsh, these things threaten your serenity and that should be protected at all costs m8
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That’s a lie straight from the pit of hell. There are plenty of people out there who don’t want the drunk party girl. Stop that stinking thinking!
Sorry - I get bossy and parental sometimes.
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Ok, thanks for sharing this. Yes it’s unfortunate that it’s turned out that way. But never say never. I’d say at the moment to, yes get back to the rooms. Concentrate on getting your sobriety back in order and maybe try reaching out again in the future. But definitely at the moment concentrate on you. That’s all we can do.
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It’s pretty heartbreaking and like I said it makes me think “well maybe we can be pals if I start drinking again” which is the worst thing I could do, but I’ve been very emotional. I am not good at being stoic etc which is why I probably drank so much to begin with.
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That party girl stuff is straight up bollocks. When I have enough clean time and feel ready to date I know I will be over the moon happy if I can meet a girl who abstains from any and all drugs. You are worth more to someone sober than not sober:+1:
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Maybe he can be pals with you if he gets sober again is how you should be thinking but right now you have to do you, keep your own side of the street clean
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