Hi there, I am 53 days sober today and felt like I had been doing really well till I discovered my husband’s true feelings about me today, he says he is worried I will drink again at some point and also about how long it will take me to be ‘ok’ and also whether I will change and how, I know this is all understandable given a) my previous promises and subsequent failures to quit And b) the unknown- I don’t even know myself what I will be like sober as I have drunk to excess my entire adult life! My fear is that it will all be too much for him and our marriage will not survive this 
(we have just celebrated our 10th anniversary in October) does anyone else feel like this?
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While I can understand his concerns isn’t it better you try? Surely he wouldn’t prefer that everything remain as they were.
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Me and my wife just celebrated our 8th anniversary this past July. I did not get sober until October 22nd 2016, so I am at 66 days today. The both of us are learning who we really are since drugs and booze make you a completely different person. In this last 66 days I am a very different person and me and my wife are both aware that in recovery people can grow apart. But we both love each other and want to ve together. You can only do what is good for yourself in sobriety then look to the relationship. It is hard work just like getting and remaining sober. I am hopeful and you should be too😁
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Sometimes the spouse or family want you to quit but then get really uncomfortable with new changes and no longer relying so heavy on them. (codependency) …I recommend Alanon for friends and family of alcoholics/addicts. It’s not just the alcoholic that suffers.
As for not believing you quit for good…how many times have we promised that…why should they believe us now? There is something called a living amends. It’s when you live a sober lifestyle and change for the better over time. It’s your way of saying sorry by living differently. Go to your AA meetings (or sober program you prefer) and put in the effort to get better with no apology to anyone. Life has a beautiful way of working things out.
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I struggled with alcohol for over a decade. My husband witnessed my manic moods and became comfortable.with how I behaved. It became the norm.
At 144 days sober today I am a totally different person. My emotions are more balanced and I am slow to anger. Also I pick my battles more carefully and let some things slide that previously I would totally blow up about.
It is sad to see that he had to adjust his understanding of normal with me drinking. I am grateful we are redefining the new normal but at times i see he is struggling because i was a funny flurtacious drunk. I am still like that but with less slurred speech and balance issues. But I am more reflective and quiet than before. I think it just takes time.
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Thanks everyone, he is glad I quit but says he is just struggling with his own emotions and has asked me to just let him be for a while so I have to respect that and hope we can get through this I guess!
Wow…what a jerk, lol… sorry. You do you. I’m sure he’s going through his own stuff, but he needs to be sensitive to you first and foremost.
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I’m just now at a week, and felt like I was doing well until yesterday. My wife keeps asking if I’m ok or what’s wrong or why I seem so grouchy. That just irritates me more. Man so frustrating to be so on edge lately!
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I have to assume she doesn’t know or understand what’s going on with you?
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Doesn’t understand. We’ve been through all this before, 3 years ago. I guess I quit easier, or wasn’t so difficult to deal with that time. I’m trying to be just quiet and keep my irritability to myself, but she insists on asking what’s wrong. And she’s upset that I’m on here talking and not really talking to her.
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I get it. And honestly if she’s not an addict or in recovery herself it would be very hard to truly understand what you’re going through.
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You didn’t mention how long you quit last time, but I’ll assume you know the edginess and irritability should pass soon as long as you focus on improving yourself as well as your coping mechanisms.
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