Struggling within myself

Having urges to use lately, struggling! Usually the cravings come and go and can go on with my day. Lately not been that way, with everything going on with myself and my mind. My health issues haven’t been helping much either. Trying to keep my mind occupied with other things but been hard too do that lately. Apart of me been missing and just haven’t been the same lately. Used to be strong and fight through anything, but the struggles I’ve been through these last few years has changed me. Loyality and trust has been broken within myself and others. Make things hard on my side too trust anyones intentions on my behalf and my well being.

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You will have those days where you feel the urges take over but you can still say no, i understand your history can be a factor, but you can use that experience as a guide to help others which is also a distraction man

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I am sorry to hear you are struggling. If you do not already have one, I suggest speaking with a mental health professional. I know my psychologist has been invaluable to me and my recovery.
Try to close your eyes, in the meantime, and imagine a healing ball of light surrounding you. It radiates everything you need in this moment: love, joy, acceptance, forgiveness. Stay in this ball of healing light as long as you need, and know you can always access it.

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I’ve talked to some before but also feel like there really not there to help me but simply just judge me and get what they want out of me. Hard to realize if there actually there to help me out anymore due to being burned before. Been hard time trying to find and get the proper help.

Right now ive always put helping others before helping myself. Always bites me in the end. Time to just not distract myself with others and just focus on myself.

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I find when I help and encourage others, I get more out of it for myself. The old paradox of you can’t keep what you have unless you give it away. When I give to others, I do so freely and expect nothing in return, that way I’m never disappointed. What I give I do so as a gift, but it is up to the other person what to do with that offering.

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I am so sorry you feel this way. I can relate, for a long time I used to believe that therapists were only feigning care. I believed they were only interested in billing my insurance. I have had incredibly, mind-bogglingly terrible counselors, I admit.
Please do not give up. Not all are bad, not all are there to judge you or think critically. My psychologist saw me for weeks for free, I didn’t realize my insurance wasn’t paying her. I rectified it, naturally. She proved to me that she DOES care about me…and I faith there is someone who will care for you as well.
Dont give up your search. You are worthy of good care, love, and respect!

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Have you tried an AA meeting yet? Helped me a lot…

Yes, been to NA and AA meetings before. I’m a keep to myself type of person, so large group meeting sometimes makes it hard for me to express what i need too. Plus amomg other things it wasn’t right for me.

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Thanks, appreciate that! My life’s basically out in the open and which makes it hard to find the proper help but will continue with tge path ahead of me.

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There you go mate your halfway there, you know whats effecting you, focus on yourself and become an example to follow