"Stuck" in life

Hey everyone, maybe some of you can help me with this topic :slight_smile:

I am 32, I’m almost 500 days sober, yet I have never felt this stuck, unconfident and just really lost in my life. It seems like in sobriety I have become very sensitive to everything in life. I have realized that in sobriety alot of it is spent by yourself getting to know yourself. It is almost a bizarre feeling!

When I was drinking and doing drugs I was always around people. When I had problems I could burry them with substances. I’ve pretty much gone from an extreme extrovert to an extreme introvert in sobriety. I’m really feeling like in the last 100 days I am starting life from scratch on how to deal with my emotions and my mindset in life. I’m feeling like I am just starting to live life, and this comes with a ton of emotions! I guess the honeymoon of sobriety has ended haha.

For those who have felt this way in their life, how did you keep yourself grounded through difficult times? How did you communicate to yourself on a daily basis to keep positive? How did you find confidence within?

I know there are some experienced folks on here, thanks!

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I know exactly how you feel. I’m in a similar position myself. 28 and 435 days sober. Not sure what my life is going to look like, and having a hard time opening up and experiencing all of it. I don’t have time at the moment, but later on I can share what I’m doing to address this right now. Looking forward to reading other responses on this!

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Im not able to answer your question regarding sobreity, but Maybe i can relate a bit to when i got a depression which ended in isolation witch ended in anxeity for everything outside my appartment door. So it was basicly back to learn how to crawl, then Walk and then run (if you know what i mean) so i guess what iam saying is that i understand what you mean. At this point from learning about your thoughts, to learn about the feelings related to them, to learn how to understand and react to your feelings is a “new world”, i learned to crawl and walk, but when i tried to run, i found myself ending up drinking, so now im on the last step. But i know i can be a lonely travel, but put your head up high keep up the good work and i promise that you will find something more precious when you find friends you will get to know while being sober​:heart: i have found one. That is Really important to me, but before that i was alone, oc had my family but otherwise just me. i hope this isnt to philosofic :see_no_evil:

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I am 35 y.o. and 366 days sober. I know how you are feeling. I’ve decided to start exercising again, not everyday, but when I can. I’ve started eating a lot healthier too. I have started studying for a certification that is over 400 Qs to study and I’m on practice test 5 out of 6. It really is the little things that make a huge difference. You need to keep yourself busy. I have 4 kids so I stay pretty busy, but you have to find happiness in yourself first and love yourself again. We have to learn to love our own company before we can enjoy others. You can do this, there’s a lot of us here that feel the way that you do. Make a list, put it in your calendar when you go for a walk. Anything, I promise it helps :heart:

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Sorry @anonymous, that was meant for @raptors6 :heart:

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I’m 31 and just over 600 days sober, my experience is similar to yours. 2019 was pretty bad for me emotionally. I don’t have it figured out yet, but some thoughts I have had while doing all the working through things…

When I spend a lot of time thinking about how things should be, I lose sight of how things are. Writing down what I have done, rather than how I feel, is helpful.

Nothing is ever perfect and things always change. There will always be something else to reach for or improve on. That’s ok! Patience and acceptance are important. And when you feel impatient and can’t accept things, that’s ok, because that will change too.

We can put a lot of pressure on ourselves to know who we are and where we want to be. I think it’s ok to just muddle along and do your best :blush:

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Great insight! Thanks! In terms of a list…should I make a list of things to keep busy? Is that what you mean?

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Okay thanks! I love hearing a different perspective. It is so wonderful and helps me!

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It is really weird learning to do everything again. In the last few months I have made a few friends who don’t drink and that has been a great turning point for me. I don’t feel like I am missing out by not being in big groups of people any more.

I guess it’s just a question of keeping on putting one foot in front of the other, doing what feels right and trusting that we will get where we need to be :pray::sparkling_heart:

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So I dont make lists. I just document everything I do in my phone calendar. Like doc appts, kids school stuff, when I exercise, etc.

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Oh i see! You document everything you accomplish even the little things! That is a great idea :slight_smile:

Hi raptor,

I am not that long in recovery yet… So maybe your not open to my suggestions, that okay offcourse.

I have heard stories in my NA meetings off 45 year old men saying “I am becoming an adult now and experiencing all the feelings I haven’t learned to deal with when I was a teen” (because of addiction)
You say you were an extravert… Maybe you were just acting as one and your core has been introvert. And your longing to fit made you pose who you weren’t distorting your personality.

Introvert doesn’t mean you should be alone I think. Introverted people just need to build a little more trust with an individual to open up.
So maybe see yourself as a teen trying to make friends… You might strike out couple times, but chances are greater that you will be rewarded for being clean in finding amazing people to be around.

Accept who you are wi be the first step to recovery of your social network.

Thats my thought on what you shared.

Good luck! I am reading along. Really interesting post.

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Thank you for the kind words! You’re wisdom and advice touched me greatly :heart:

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I am 39 and 535 days sober and have felt like sobriety reset over 17 years of drunken memories. My past seems different now and I seldom reminisce.

I changed groups of friends a few times and now only a couple remain. A lot of those friendships only existed due to alcohol. I have my 535 Days Sober though and no one can take that away from me…

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This is a great thread. I don’t think I have any sage advice since I’m only 133 days in, but I can definitely relate. I’m starting to see some of this pop up in my own journey: the “what now” feeling.

My life is going really well, objectively. I have a job I love, a great relationship, a supportive group of friends, and I’m raising a great kid.

So why do I feel… bored? Why do I feel a gnawing temptation to let go of the reigns?

You’ve got me thinking tonight. Thanks for posting.

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Accepting where I am right now has played a major part in my recovery.
I have no expectations of where life should be taking me because that is up to me to go, it won’t drop in my lap!
I haven’t been a big " get out there and socialise" type of person for a long time and I’m happy with this.
Maybe try getting out and about. There are a lot of things that you can do even if it’s just go to an AA meeting or similar. At least there you can meet people who are the same as you.

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AA saved me i was 34 years old and broke in all departments life looked bleak . you guys are still young got your whole life ahead of you make the most of it we only pass the way once , wish you well , im 68 on the 23rd jan and still sober keep on trucking

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I get in this place some times, it seems super overwhelming. And when I do my therapist says this… “Stay fucking present, Megan!”

We really are learning how to live life, almost from scratch. One thing I was told by someone on here, when I was in super early recovery, is that their sponsor claimed that the first 5 years are considered early recovery. This sentiment was echoed by others. I have adopted this outlook for myself. I am a little over halfway there and I feel like I’m finally getting to the upswing part of all this learning. I’m trying to move forward at my job, rather than in the earning the trust back phase. I lost a very big promotion opportunity while I was drinking. I’m also trying to alter my living situation. I eventually want to move, but first I need to make my current place a little more comfortable and relearn how to take care of it properly. At some point I need to get back out in the world, probably going to start going to AA to meet like minded. I am a supervisor at a diner and have been mostly front of house for the last 10 years. That’s allowed me to have a ton of socialization 5 days a week, which makes it easier to not need a social life. Now I’m going to the back of house to fix the kitchen situation, so the socialization will be gone in that way. I’m extremely introverted, but I still need to talk and interact with people a bit.

I’m over 2 and a half year sober and in recovery, and I’m doing the best I can at my own pace. Overall I’m happy with where I’m at, but I’m also ready for some change and more forward movement. Having a 5 year window has allowed me to understand that I can take my time and do what feels right. Staying present is something I super suck at, but I’m still working on it.

Don’t know if this helps, but its my story and I’m good with that.

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[quote=“Modestakieran, post:18, topic:78851”]
Stay fucking present, Megan!”

Excellent!

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When I say I’m terrible at it, I mean like the absolute worst! Trying to get a solid diagnosis on the mental health will hopefully result in a clearer path to helping my brain settle down, which in turn will make stating present a bit easier.

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