Today my mom came to see me
She told me that her drinking has got her to a point where the dr said u either quit or u don’t have much time left
Brought her to get some test done that the dr wanted
I stayed strong n told her I love her
After I got home I broke down
Like why when when things are turning around this happens
I am just broken seeing how sick my mom is
And all from fucking drinking
I am scared
I am worried
I am pissed off at the world right now
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Hey lady, 
I won’t pretend to know what that is like for you. But I know about a parent dying before your eyes. And helplessness, regret, fear…yep, I’ve known all that when my dad got I’ll and then died.
Please know you don’t have to be strong. Not all the time and not for her even. She knows your hearts breaking and hers must be too. Try to honor those feelings. I regret so much not EVER acknowledijg my father’s illness, to him, never letting him see that is given up. He needed to feel connected and I robbed him of that. Is you can connect with your mom them u are lucky and that is something you won’t regret for ever, sharing raw, painful emotion is supposed to be a gift ( tho it hurts like FUCK). And numbing over it, well, that didn’t help me at all. Doubt it will to u either.
There are people here and we are listening. I’m all SORTS of a bad example but grief I can relate to all day long…
Don’t pickup and don’t drink, please. if you do, come right the fuck,back here. It will not be any better i promise you THAT.
To me it doesn’t matter how big of a change in me occurs when it comes to shit happening. Shut happens drink or dope in or out. Its not better or worse, life, I mean. Its just life. Some here say it gets crazy good once they’re clean. I hope that’s everyone’s experienxe but it hasn’t been mine at all and sounds like not yours. If you are here to be sober then you’re doing it PERFECTLY. the rest isn’t up to us nor, is it karma or retribution. (If I thought karma was real, Id be terrified every second of every day of what is coming my way, deservedly so!)
Peace
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Thanks it was a hard pill to Swollow for sure
She is doing test ATM and I hope she takes this path that I have
I am not giving up
I think this just gave me more reason to stay sober
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