Support needed. Day 1 again

I have used this app to track my sobriety and keep needing to reset.
I drank whilst on holiday and angered my partner so much and promised to not get blackout again. The rest of the holiday was fine and I didn’t slip up. First day back home with his brother and wife and I get blackout AGAIN.
I am hiding in the bedroom as I am too ashamed of myself. We live with his mum and I was talking rubbish for ages to her…feel sick, angry, disappointed and sad. I cannot do this on my own but am too ashamed to see a doctor to get help. Not sure what to do to make this better.

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I quit.
Not a sip not a drop, nothing.
I said to myself: I give you 1 year to sort it out.1 year to get sober. If I didn’t make it I promished myself I would go to my doctor and ask for help.
So I quit: 18 september 2018.
What helped me?
Being here every day and reading a lot about my addiction. Here and on internet. I told my family about my sober plan. I avoided alcohol related events in the beginning. I came here if I needed help or a talk.
When I had cravings I ate loads of chocolate and watched Netflix. I also walked a lot in nature to set my mind.
So be here a lot and prove yourself and family that there’s a better version of you: a sober you!
A sober life is so much better then a drunken one :heart:

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Thank you for your kind words.
I want to be a better parent to my son and change the learned behaviours from my parents and not pass this down to him. I WANT to be present, happy and healthy! So my sober date will be 1st Sept 2019…a sober life will be the best future I can give him

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Absolutely!! You CAN do this. Focus on not drinking TODAY. Tomorrow you can focus on tomorrow. Just get thru today. Read A LOT on here and soak up some knowledge. Especially take a look at the various threads about resources for recovery…there are a lot of forums, groups, reading, etc that can help.

Take a look at WHY you drink. Do you drink at stress? To have a good time (that doesn’t end up good at all)? How can you adjust your reactions? Take a walk instead? Avoid get togethers with alcohol as the focus until you have some mastery? Lots of suggestions on here about that.

One thing I found helpful in early sobriety was keeping a list of what I wanted and didn’t want from life …I would add to it as I remembered other shit I had done over the many years I drank. I keep a list of some of my most horrifying mess ups over my drinking career…that reminds me of what might happen if I drink. And I surely do not want to be that person ever again.

Here is some of my list…maybe it would help you to keep one as well…take a look at it when you think…maybe, just one…

Feel healthy, clear and strong - mentally and physically

No hangovers ever!!

Treating husband with respect and no drunk fighting

Self respect gets a major boost

No more internal conflict about drinking and if/how can I cut down or stop

Restful restorative uninterrupted sleep!!!

Major pride in myself and all that I have and can accomplish

A sense of peace and calm every day

No more embarrassment and shame because of my behavior

Forgiving myself for past mistakes and terrible judgement

No wondering what I did or how I hurt husband or others while drunk

No treating people I love, including myself, poorly while drunk

No drunk driving and possibly hurting self or others or jail

No upset stomach from drinking

No anxiety and near constant agitation when hungover

No dark suicidal thoughts

No shame around neighbors if I was loud and yelling or loud music

No blackouts ever

No overwhelming shame at my behavior

No oversharing with strangers while drunk or making plans I will need to cancel

Not having to check my phone in the middle of the night to delete social media posts - no drunk texting/emails/posts/calls

Not be bloated and puffy and look haggard

Clear skin and eyes

Major pride in myself and a boost in self esteem

No hangovers ever again

No more excuses or lies

Peace of mind - a true sense of peace with myself and life

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I love the idea of a list if things I want and of what I have done due to drinking. Thanks so much for that.
I have been on this site most of today and have found it really encouraging that it is possible to quit once and for all.

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You can be all these things and more, just stay away from that first drink! 1 is too many and a million isn’t enough! And stay close to other people fighting for sobriety too. Talk to us, read and post often. I felt exactly how you feel now 102 days ago, and I used those feelings as ammunition to get sober. You got this! :muscle::+1::kissing_heart::hugs::heart::orange_heart::yellow_heart:

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You are welcome! Someone on here recommended that to me two years ago and it really helped me stay focused and honest about drinking.

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You are going to have to accept being uncomfortable for a time. Since you believe you cannot do this alone, you will need to admit you have a problem, and be willing to accept help. This means being honest and contrite. This means explaining your situation to a doctor, sharing in meetings, sharing here on this forum, apologizing to your SO and his Mum. This will be uncomfortable, but you need to go through this. No growth happens inside our comfort zone. Change is uncomfortable. Accept this. Embrace it, and get after it.

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After hesitating and procrastinating for months last week I made it into my first meeting. Done 4 this week. AA, NA and something secular and Dutch. My point being that he first step is by far the hardest and it gets easier every time. I’m still uncomfortable inside and I have no idea yet if it’s for me but I am determined to find out. I do feel and see a lot of recognition.
Success to you @Aliceband You made the very first step by coming here and talking about your problem. Now it’s time for step number two. I’m sure you can do it.

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