Support needed

I’ve been sober for 5 days. It’s been about 20 since me and my fiance had another big fight and our first break up. When it first happened, the next morning (we were staying at her families while I started a new job) we had great talks. So much love and the sound we would be back together some day.

Today she decided it was the final decision we will never be back together. I did too much emotional damage with my drinking, and insecurities over her. I was insensitive to her situation with her twin sisters death. I started to fix my problems and realize them, but it was too late by around that time. I come from genetics of alcohol abuse, and I’ve never been able to accept my problem until recently. I feel good, but I am struggling today after this news to fight the urge to blackout drunk and forget it. We have a 7 month old daughter together and i so strongly want to fight for her back and have an amazing story to tell someday. But she just sees the old me despite vocalizing my changes i am making.

I am currently in Washington State, but have to be out of the friends I’m staying at while I figured things out. I’m taking such a huge loss because I had a job in Oklahoma I was starting on the pipeline that had huge potential and I was told daily how impressed they were with who I was becoming. It sucks that wasn’t enough to keep the relationship. I do realize my completely ignorant mind set at times and I was an angry drunk. Never hit her. But I would break things at times. I’m so disgusted knowing that was who she saw. I’m surprised if anyone is still reading this… I just want to be heard the pain screaming from my heart right now. I just lost my one true love to what may be eternity. Has anyone ever come back from anything like this? I’m a great person, when I’m not drinking. I promise I am. Any help is greatly appreciated.

1 Like

All the love, brother.

Starting out again after falling on my face a few times, one thing I learned here was thinking about how I could be better if I were sober, and how things only get worse when I’m not. I had a lot more experience with the worse. That guy was a jerk. I did not want to be that guy anymore.

It sounds like, whatever may happen, you have a beautiful daughter and a new job where you were impressing. I bet (know) holding on to those things will be easier if you’re sober, and much, much more enjoyable.

The hard things are still hard. But in my early sobriety I’m finding myself more present, less hasty, and generally more ready to accept and work toward solutions. I hope you can find that, too, and keeping coming back.

Dunno if any of that’s a help, but thank you for sincerely for sharing this. :heart:

1 Like

I’m sorry. A broken heart really can knock you over. But you, my friend, can’t afford to fall. 5 days sober is huge. You have a seven month old daughter and I’m guessing that the person you want her to know, is sober you. You wrote that your girlfriend/ fiancé only sees the old you despite you vocalizing changes. Easy enough. Stop talking and stay sober. Take a little time and feel the loss, and by that I mean, don’t drown it in alcohol. I think alcohol is this way we keep ourselves from growing and learning and changing. But this all seems recent and new and unsettled and you getting black out drunk will only confirm her decisions and opinions. I am sorry for your pain.

3 Likes

Incredibly powerful message from this. Thank you for taking the time to reach out with all of this encouragement for me. It is pretty easy to say no to alcohol for me now because I am changing in that sense because I’ve accepted myself as an alcoholic that 5 days ago. I’m just more devasted by the acceptance of what I’ve done. But I will still refuse to drink. Just vent the tiny, easily fought off urge.

2 Likes

Thank you for this! Your message is what I’m still learning to cope with as the situation I am facing. I still will refuse to drink. It has actually gotten easier for me with accepting everything I have done and how I’ve hurt her emotionally. It’s just going to be a rough fight for me. I come from her family all loving me and praising me. Back to how I was before I met her. Alone. My mom is an alcoholic and we have gone our ways. It’s rough. Venting helps lol. Thank you for reaching out.

1 Like

I guess it’s been hard for me to accept that. Lol. I won’t drink. I’ve accepted that I can’t do that. I’m just feeling broken, and do feel the urges. I feel much better after all of this support back.