Enough is enough. I have decided that I won’t keep this to myself and will take my first step toward recovery.
I’m battling a compulsion to masturbate using a number of things including pornographic videos, images and stories. This has been an issue for about 18 months and I’m tired of fighting this on my own.
I think the first trigger was stress - at the time work was very busy. I also felt quite lonely as a lot of my friends had moved on with their lives and it felt like they were too busy to spend the same amount of time with me.
The compulsion seems to be about needing a release, but it never really feels better afterwards. I often feel disappointed and angry with myself for being so weak.
Some days I don’t think about needing it at all. Other days I just ‘slip’ into doing it and don’t stop myself. Sometimes I can walk away entirely.
I’ve been using the Sober Time app for the past year with varying success and have read the community posts for a few weeks.
Today is the day I tell someone else (you) what has been going on. Thanks for reading this. I hope in time I can support you as much as you will all support me.
You are welcome here @Rom122. One of the core features of all addiction is the obsession to repeat the behavior while our record process that it will not bring the solace we seek. It was that way with my alcoholism. I found recovery only after surrendering the problem and the solution to a power much greater than myself. I know you can find the same recovery abs serenity.
I have a personal relationship with Jesus (my username is my favourite Bible verse) and I know that God loves me and can give me strength to get through this. His mercies are new every morning - I need to remind myself of that!
You’re not alone here. I have an addiction to Pornography and Masturbation as well. Been battling it for a very long time. This is something that I know I will always be addicted to. That being said, just because I will always have the addiction, does not mean that I will always be shackled by it.
Talk with us, find a community. Find more purpose. Tell us what is going on in your life and find out what our issues are. There’s a lot of knowledge to be gleaned here. Knowledge is power. If you feel like you are struggling within, turn to the forums to talk with us.
I am open to chatting anytime! I want to help others in their recovery. I will talk someone off a ledge, because I would hope that someone would do the same for me.
Good to seek accountability. Several members here are facing the same struggle as you are, and all know what it’s like to feel compelled. The more you are here, and the more honest you are, the more positives you will get from this community.
That is awesome that you can be open and honest about it - with us and with yourself. I went to celebrate recovery tonight. Is there one in your area? It is biblically based and for a number of things, not just drugs and alcohol. The first step is to admit you have a problem that is outside of your control. You are one step closer.
I’ve had some unhelpful thoughts over the last couple of days but have not acted on them. I know I have a long way to go and will try to focus on small steps.
It’s been a full on week at work so I had Chinese takeaway tonight and enjoyed comedy TV programmes.
Tomorrow I’ll have much more time on my hands and that’s where I can drift. What do you do in situations where you have time on your hands and you are alone?
I’m going to check to see if we have celebrate recovery here. I’m not going door to door selling Bibles, but I have a higher power who I call God and I pray all throughout the day.
Couple of questions.
Do I have to be going to a church or associate with a denomination?
Can my higher power still be a Good of my understanding?
Can people of a faiths and not just Christians attend?
Probably dumb questions, but I don’t know much about it.
The one I went to in my town didn’t ask if I was a Christian (I am) and didnt ask what denomination I am (non-denomination). They only asked that no one takes the Lord’s name in vain. However the study book that they use is from the beatitudes and they link each principle to a biblical foundation. So I don’t know if that would turn you off to it.
They held the meeting at a church, in the gym, but it was not the church I usually go to and it was a Baptist Church.
I encourage you to check out one in your area and see what you think. Worst that could happen is you don’t like it and don’t go back.
Like I said God is my homie and I’m riding shotgun in the Godcruiser so I wouldn’t be turned off at all. I’m Christan as well coming from the United Church of Christ denomination, so I’ve grown up in a tolerant church. We have female pastors and preform gay marriage and though I’m not gay myself, that is very important to me. So hopefully they skip that part of the Bible lol.
Those suggestions on how to keep busy are really helpful, thanks. I’m aiming to get into the habit of walking away from my smartphone when I get unhelpful thoughts, as that’s usually the device I use.
I’m not sure what celebrate recovery is but it sounds like it’s helpful to some of you.
Update on me: I kept pretty busy today with house tasks and prep for a church meeting tomorrow. It also helped knowing this group was here. At one point where I felt I could be tempted, I just left the room and got a cup of tea. Which was very british of me
It’s 6pm here in the UK and I’m having a good day so far. Took the afternoon off work and went to the hairdresser which always makes me feel better.
Day 6 so far. No slips.
When things are going well, the temptation is to become complacent and I don’t want to do that.
I also need to revert from my usual stress management technique of spending a lot of time at home on my own. A recent mini break to see a friend was so lovely and I’m planning more lunches with colleagues. Now planning some theatre trips!
God (through the book of Joshua) has been helping me to think about anxiety and how it’s tempting to either take on a hero complex and do it all alone leading to burnout, or give up and get despondent at life’s challenges. Instead, with God in the driving seat and as my strength, I can come to him each day and ask for enough grace to make it through.
Need to keep doing this!
PS any Christians on here who use the Abide app for scripture meditation? I’m tempted to try…
Just had to reset after 12 days. I’d been feeling like it felt ‘easier’ to not do this and suspect I got complacent. I tried the trick of displacing the urge and that didn’t work.
I’ve found displacing to be best when the thought first enters. Not during temptation. Try cold showers or holding your breath. I’ve found they work better.
And you’re Christian right? Something that I’ve done is grabbed my rosary until the temptation passes. I’ve gone through crazy strong urges that way. Keep a picture of Christ on you or something, and when temptation comes, grab it, hold tight, and start praying! You wouldn’t want to give in holding a picture of Jesus, so this is a great go to I think. I hope that helps! You’ve got this!
Just wanted to check in with those who are following my thread.
Today is day 5 (I made some poor choices just over a week ago hence slipping again). However I’m starting to get a sense of how I’m feeling before I act out.
Got some social things lined up which I hope will help me have other things to focus on.
