Through my extra mediocre powers of observation, I have determined that being a father is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Your father has greatly impacted your life for better or worse. Maybe you need to talk about it. We are listening and not judging. I’ll go later when I have time.
Lol, I’m not opening that can of worms! 
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My father knows he sucked! Yes he was an addict and the best thing he did was stay out of my life!
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My father was in my life when he wasn’t drinking. He is a Vietnam veteran and drinks his demons away. Over the past couple years he just doesn’t care anymore. But I will say my dad growing up was pretty awesome. He went to every soccer game, dance recitals, every function with school.
He was a on the hush and hush drinker. I dunno… I still love him. He is my dad!
He has taught me a lot 
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Today is my Dad’s 85th birthday. We won’t be seeing my parents to celebrate until the weekend, as they are busy all week. He will likely play tennis today, tho it is chilly for Florida right now. He was always a very good provider, not a yeller, drinks rarely, I doubt he ever did any drugs, he did his best. We always had a roof and food because of my Dad.
Happy 85th birthday to my Dad. Love you Dad. 
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Ha. I guess I’ll be the first to say my father was/is pretty awesome. He has his faults and they are many. He defo has Alcoholic tendencies. But growing up I never thought of my father as an alcoholic.
My dad was in construction. So when I was 18 and didn’t go to college, he took my ass to work with him. He taught me skills and trades that I used the rest of my life. I live fairly well today and am raising a family with those skills. I will always be grateful to him for that.
Now as a grown man and a recovering alcoholic I can see things I didn’t before. Like most of us alcoholics, My dad always blamed everyone else for his problems. Still does. But he’s still my dad and I still love him
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My parents divorced when I was 3, I lived with my Mom. I saw my Dad several times per week, though, and spent every other weekend at his house.
We had a strained relationship for much of my life thus far. He had somewhat of a short fuse, especially with me. Grew frustrated with me easily, even into my teens and twenties. As a result, I had a lot of frustration and angst towards him. He was a good father, never physically abusive or anything like that, and he has been present throughout my life. Was just easily angered and very set in his ways.
A few years ago we had a massive argument, with me storming out of his house and him telling me to not come back. It took a week or so, but we reconciled.
I’m 31 now. Things have been incredible since then. Our relationship has never been so strong. For the first time, I feel like he sees me as an equal – a grown man, successful in his own ways. There is a palpable mutual respect. I think it stems from him seeing me forge my own way in my career, seeing how active I am in my home ownership, etc. I am a season ticket holder for the local soccer team, he attended most of the games with me last year. He bought his own ticket for the coming season. At first it felt like an intrusion on my personal space, but now I am really fucking glad he’s going to be joining me. We bond over it.
He still surprises me to this day. Often times I will catch myself trying to predict how he’ll react to a certain situation or conversation, and those predictions are often based on how he would have reacted for the first 30 years or so of my life. Then his response ends up being insightful, non-judgemental, and objective – rather than being opinionated, one-dimensional, and from a place of anger. He’s really changed, drastically.
Just the other day I had a discussion with him. I am thinking of becoming a Father myself, weighing the options carefully. I called him since I’ve been feeling stuck. Seems like a no-brainer to talk with him about it, in retrospect. I would’ve never approached him with such a thing in the past, and I was anticipating a response typical of his old ways. Boy was I wrong. We went on to have an hour-long discussion and it was the best talks with him I have ever had. I really felt like he was in my corner, no matter my decision.
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I grew up without my biological dad. My stepdad sucked. I’m glad he’s dead. I’d piss on his grave if I knew where it was. This may make me sound like a straight up dickhead, but I don’t care. Growing up was hell with him.
I met my real dad in 2002. We’ve since become tight. He actually played in one of the bigger (probably biggest) bands to come out of Indianapolis’s doom metal scene for a while. We’ve shared the stage. He’s a big supporter of my music. I support his bands. He’s a good dude. I know he’s my dad, but we’re more like friends…and that’s cool with me.
*the story of how we met is really cool, but it’s a lot to type, and I’m straight up swamped at work…but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to speak about him.
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I love your story and envy you.
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Thank you, I’d love to hear the rest later.
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I’ll definitely post it later!
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My dad was basically a well-intentioned, kind man. He was not a substance abuser. He was intellectual and I don’t think he really understood how to connect emotionally with us as children. He was cerebral, would talk through stuff abstractly, as ideas, and how it connected with random historical events. He didn’t empathize or validate our emotional experience.
My father grew up in a family that had more than its share of emotional and mental problems. I only have second-hand stories, but I believe his father had some type of schizophrenia (used to believe others had plans about him, would follow people around; also, was a doctor who was chronically behind on billing his patients, never had money, and when he died - in Albuquerque, which he drifter over to after leaving my grandmother in Montreal when my father was a young child - he had over 20 used cars stored in various rental garages across the city, which he had because ‘I could take parts from one car and use it to fix another’). My father’s sister has paranoid delusions (her headaches come from the person in the apartment below hers, who works for the police and has a scanner pointed up at her) and my father’s brother has unresolved anger and resentment which he took out on my grandmother for years, well into her 80s.
When I was growing up, we saw my mom’s family often. We saw my father’s mother often (she was a lovely woman with a sincere heart who picked up the pieces, worked as a nurse and rehearsal pianist, and carried the family through their childhood and young adulthood). We never saw my paternal grandfather or my aunt, and my uncle only visited rarely - until his aggressive behaviour meant my mother and my stepmother both eventually said he was no longer welcome.
For reasons I believe are related partly to not engaging with his emotions of abandonment and pain (avoiding them through intellectualization), and also to undiagnosed ADHD, my father’s finances are a mess. (One reason he and my mother divorced when I was a child, I recently learned, is he asked her for $5,000 to repay a loan, and after years of watching him be fast and loose with money, she said, Enough is enough.) He owes more money than he can ever hope to pay back in the years he has left. His wife (my stepmother) is a caring and principled person, and they have two kids; she is in a financially safe position, and they live in a home mostly owned by her. He works to this day - he is in his mid-70s - but eventually he will likely need to declare personal bankruptcy to clear his debts.
My father is basically a kind, caring man. He does not have a history of self-care that would have kept him in a stabler, sustainable place. He did not seek to understand his emotions or how to set boundaries for his own health. However I have been engaging with him more in the last few years, trying to form a deeper relationship. I believe it’s important for both of us.
Thanks for opening this thread @RBG. I think it’s really important 
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I grew up without my father but when I was 15 years old, my mother was splitting up with her boyfriend and she took my sister to live with my older sister and sent me packing to Puerto Rico with my dad. I understould spanish at the time but never spoke it.
I picked up every bad habit on that island lol😂 and my father always looked out for me even when I did absolutely retarded shit. That’s when he got into the habit of telling me that I had a drinking problem and that I should stop drinking completely! At the time I didn’t know any better of course. Hell, when I finally did take it upon myself to stop drinking 3 months ago, he was the first one I called. He’s been checking in on me mostly every other day. He keeps telling me I’ve always been his favourite child and that as long as I stay sober, he’ll be happy. That holds me accountable. Amongst other reasons of course ^.^
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My late father was an alcoholic & had lung cancer. No matter what his condition was he was the best amazing father I ever had, he worked hard for what he got in life & supporting, providing & loving his 14 (7 boys & 7 girls, 7 of mixed genders passed & 7 are still alive) children & have not ever raised a hand on any of us expect the mother of his children. I dearly miss him because he taught me the person I am today.
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My father is a great man…a bit of a pushover but everything he does he does with love for the people around him. He’s not affectionate but you always know that he loves you.
My mother on the other hand…
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My father was a very sick child. And my grandmother babied him a lot. Didnt let him play sports and such. But he became very good at other things. He was a big reader. Especially science fiction so I grew up with star trek, star wars, xfiles, etc. And real astronomy. We always had a nice telescope to look at certain planets and stars and meteor showers.
He was drafted to Vietnam and said he was the chef and didnt go into any battles. But who knows what he actually saw over there and how it affected him. When he came back he found work at the new GM factory that opened in our town and worked there for 35 years and was able to retire early. We went on family vacations every year and always fun day trips almost every weekend and really spent a lot of quality time together. I feel like we had a very fortunate childhood.
He also became good at non physical sports like shuffle board, boomerangs, and darts. Especially darts. He was nicknamed the ‘bullseye king’ of our home town. Him and my mother were in a dart league every night of the week when I was growing up. So he was out at bars every night. I never thought of my father as an alcoholic then, bc I’ve only seen him drunk maybe once that I know of. Always reserved, never sloppy. But looking back now I know. There was always a beer on the coffee table. Always a bloody Mary when we’d go out for breakfast. Always a nap in the middle of the day. I even remember asking to try those drinks when I was very young and he let me. Just a sip. And they were gross but I still tasted them.
I was very good in school and rarely got punished for things. But my younger brother was diagnosed with ADD at 8 and was put on adderall. For 10 years. My father often lost his patience with him. I felt like he got the short end of the stick sometimes bc he was a boy. And of course hes still salty to this day of the things ‘daddy’s little girl’ got away with. In high school I raided the liquor cabinet and never got caught and after I moved out, they realized it(they never drank liquor so this was a couple years later) and my brother who still lived there was blamed. Oops 
Well, we both turned into alcoholics in the end. I never knew my brother did until I lived with him a couple years back. Right when I moved in, he had just lost his job, had a mental break, and was sent to the psych ward for 2 weeks. Diagnosed with alcohol induced paranoid schizophrenia. He got out and continued his path while me and my 3yo daughter watched for a year. This is where my life started getting out of control. It was very frustrating to watch. My parents lived across the street and my mother would come over and try to get my brother out of the house and do stuff. My father didnt seem to care. Almost as if my brother was a lost cause. I moved out and left him all alone bc there was nothing left to do. I’m still not over it.
Anyways, back to my dad. Hes 74 now and was recently diagnosed with fatty liver. My mother is trying so hard to help him control his diet to hopefully reverse some of the damage. But I know my dad and he loves his salt and fried food so I dont know how that’s going. It’s scary bc I know my parents were always older than all of my friends parents, and that was good to be raised by more mature and financially stable people, but now theres not as much time left with them. He was never the touchy feely say I love you all the time, or ever, kind of dad but I know he loves us. I’ve always been able to go to him for anything I need. And I cant imagine him not being there. He truly is a good man in my eyes.
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You should start the mother thread then! And tell us about her
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My father passed away in June. He was the most wonderful person… my absolute very best friend.
My goal in this life, as of right now, is to untangle the web of ancestral trauma that has landed in my timeline. I am grateful.
He was an amazing person, but was in Vietnam and carried a lot of painful stories with him.
I miss him so much, and am fighting this fight with him in mind.
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My father was a wonderfully selfless, caring, hard working man. Until alcohol took over his life. He became explosive, angry, and highly emotional. He would call my 6 year old sister in tears telling her he wanted to say goodbye because he was going to kill himself. He drank himself to death when he was 50. I was 26. I still didn’t learn my lesson. But here I am today, 31 years old, and 2 weeks sober. I love you dad.
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My dad died when I was 3, he got loaded and behind the wheel.
I only know what my mom tells me, how big of a heart he had for people, his work ethic and how much he loved us.
Being a dad is definitely hard work, I have no idea if I’m doing it right half the time, but I love my kids, I know they love me, pretty sure they’d choose me over other dad’s if given the choice so that’s a win to me lol
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