Tempted tonight

I took an entire work trip sober. Airports and hotels are huge triggers for me. Nobody would know. It’s exciting, I thought. Talking to other business drunks.

I made it all the way to the taxi taking me home. The cab driver was telling stories about how fun his party days were and enjoying drinking with his friends. Those thoughts started creeping in.

I got in my house and ate a big tasty dinner. I think I was just hungry. I decided not to black out, not to hate myself tomorrow.

For some reason deep down I don’t appreciate how good it feels to be sober and healthy. Like I’m just on a break and will drink again eventually. I don’t want to screw up this time.

10 Likes

I also feel like im taking my sobriety for granted sometimes. You made the right decision for yourself this time. Next time have faith that you will make the next decision correctly as well. Dont fear the future. One day at a time.

Hang in there me boy.

1 Like

I battle similarly to you. Airports were where id have 4 bloody marys and talk to other people at the bar. Id be lying if i said i didnt miss it. Im 8 months sober now and in great shape, but i miss meeting people drinking, having a few on the weekend etc. But i know myself enough by now, im 35, that it will turn into maintenance drinking to recover from drinking. Ill be anxious and pissed at myself. And then start sobriety all over again…

I think the temptation is always going to be there. But having a vision, goals, feeling again… they keep me motivated. Cheers to iced tea.

5 Likes

Yeah but drunk me on an airplane is so obnoxious. I want to talk to everybody. Say way too much. One time I passed out with my foot in the aisle.

It’s a little fun until you lose headphones. And a tablet. And a different tablet. Ugh.

3 Likes

Well done! So glad you made it home sober :blush: there’s two ways to look at how you are feeling, some people feel it’s ok to think maybe I’ll drink again someday, maybe tomorrow? and they successfully navigate sobriety like this because they are genuinely taking one day at a time and know tomorrow will never come, everyday is a new day and today they won’t drink, these people stay sober with this thought.
The second way is that you actually do think you may drink again some day, with no plan on how to control those thoughts, if this is the case then you could be on a slippery slope to relapse if you don’t add some new tools to your toolkit and change that thought it will likely one day happen.
I was number two for a lot of years and always drank again eventually until I got some real help to change those thoughts and filled my toolkit up.

Just a thought but might be worth looking at which person you are?

4 Likes