I always found I was more sensitive to the change in hormones when I got off a drug or medication, and I especially felt it for several months in my sleep patterns if the substance affected my sleep in any way. I always get worse sleep in the second half anyway, but it is more pronounced when my body is getting all its systems in line, even if I orherwise feel okay.
I know everyone’s body works differently, but hormones are powerful drivers and for some people they can cause more upheaval than for others. I’m dealing with that myself with the last medication I got off (and now I’m off all medications). Its been 47 days and my sleep is just not great, but I can see slow improvements in general, but my sleep quality and quantity just tanks in the second half of my cycle.
It might sound crazy, but I always just assume it will take at least 90 days for improvements in the optimal health catagory and not just withdrawals. After that, if an issue still remains then I start considering that it may not be related. I know that approach isn’t for everyone, but its served me well.
It has always been hard for me to figure out what is causing my “it” of the moment as well. I’ve always had funky sleep (too much, not too little) and funky hormonal mood swings so I can never be sure which variable to point my finger to. The important thing is you just keep stepping forward. I am less concerned with my whys and more concerned with my hows (as in how do I live my best life) these days and my brain seems to like this route.
Yesterday was my day off and I slept until 8 pm depressively. Before I would rack my brain as to what is wrong with me, how could I waste a precious day etc. Now I know that was yesterday, I can only look at today. I also think I experienced my first true hormonal hot flash yesterday, which was either caused by my age, or the 4? 5? cups of instant I made myself when I woke up to chase away my headache. There is no perfection here, just continued attempts. You’re doing great.
That’s why tapering down never worked for me. Reducing step by step to not get any withdrawal symptoms. And if I had any I treated them with the thing I wanted to get off.
I am absolutely realizing that which is why I’m not posting here daily. I have a 4 day camping trip coming up in 2 weeks that I am putting off my quit for. I know it doesn’t work to do that with alcohol or any addictive substance but I’m being kind to my mental health here. 4 days driving the US and camping with my bestie will be a ton of fun but also a bit stressful in my brain. I feel like I have to be on. Keep leading. I will get there.
You absolutely aren’t pushing. There is a fine line for me between supporting you on this thread and being seen as a champion of moderation. I am not the latter. You know where I need and want to be in this addiction.
End of day 47. Took half a pill last night, slept a bit over 6h. Day 33 of the cycle. Seems like this one will be some chewing gum cycle which is never good for my psyche. Had a nice bike ride. My knee is hurting a tiny bit. I have to accept that. It’s kaputt.
Normally, I have the week after the next off but if a new cycle doesn’t start the upcoming week I’ll try to postpone it. I don’t want to waste my vacation fixing my sugar.
My mother called. But I was cycling. Didn’t call her back.
End of day 48. Long bicycle rides like today give me another challenge. Although I reach somehow easily to sparkling water, very cold but at times I am craving a diet coke or some other sweetened drink. Usually a mineral tablet with some taste does the job as well.
When I was on the train this morning I looked up again gynecologist in my town and believe it or not I could book an appointment for the beginning of July! Just like that even selectin: nope haven’t been there and nope don’t have private insurance. It’s a woman and I hope she shows a bit more empathy than the guy I saw last year: what’s your age? 44. Nope. You’re too young for perimenopause. Next please. I want to talk with her about my sleeping problems.
My first perimenopause symptoms started when I was 35. 44 is totally normal. I hope your next gyn is going to take you seriously and you‘ll find a treatment that helps. Don’t give up hope.
Day 49 is coming to an end hopefully soon. Today was extremely exhausting at work. The new role I have taken over on Friday turns out to be a deep hole of wtf are they doing in France. We’ll handle this but currently I have no idea how. I had lots of digestive issues as well and felt weak. Day 35 of the fucking cycle together with yesterday’s long ride.
I went to the pilates reformer clas which I really enjoy and brings me away from the classical performance goal. A bit like yoga I am more trying to coordinate all my limbs like they shall in the exercise. Also finished a book in like ages. Nothing sophisticated, only Prosa to enjoy. Baby steps. I also tried to be positive today and wrote someone that I could be proud of myself as I don’t know many T1D who cycle 150 km. I am a bit glad that I can manage my sugar. It’s not always easy and if sobriety is the most important thing, my glycemic control is just as important for everything.
My next one. On paper. Maybe also a good thing once in a while.
Day 50 today and also cramps and diarrhea a new cycle will begin. So, I’ve also almost done 2 cycles.
My mood was very very low yesterday and I couldn’t really concentrate. Today, I had to cancel the yoga class but that’s okay.
As much as I still struggle with my sleep, I can still see so many changes that are better for me.
I will try to implement something new this cycle, I’ll see how that goes. What I learnt is that it’s useless or so much harder to work against my cycle. I won’t do that anymore.
I’ve again told my opinion twice during a meeting towards our CEO and I think they got my point. Feels good also.
Day 51. I posted earlier this morning and then deleted it. It’s all repetitive shit. But I want to improve in not always deleting what I write down.
My night was awful, I stopped counting how many time I had to get up due to terrible diarrhea and cramps. I am still not doing well. But at least the waiting is over.
I was realising that I haven’t had any sorts of headaches like in weeks 3 or 4, I cannot remember.
Will find another thread where I don’t force people to answer me due to my limited consecutive replies in a row.
Feeling very emotional these days. Ugly. I can understand that I am not attractive to men. Please don’t reply with some blah blah answers as I won’t take them because of it is generic. It’s the truth.
I have a week off and am not quite sure when to leave for my trip. Today not as we have a lot of wind. Tomorrow is getting better but still considerable wind. But as the temperatures will be rising and I have no idea if then we’ll get thunder I probably will leave tomorrow. No tent at the moment. Same story each year. But as I am still not or probably never will sleep longer than 4 am what will I do in the middle of nowhere awake. I think then I prefer a room.
Watched Vivaldi and me yesterday and it was a movie about some light in dark times, somehow some hope. I am grateful I didn’t have to live in these days as a woman. And of course the music was great.
Physically I feel better, more power again. Sleep is crap. Nothing new there.
Ah, yeah 54 days today. No fucking one bakery at the main station here that serves decaf. Assholes. Ignorant assholes.
In yesterday’s pilates class there was a guy. This fact alone is worthy to write about but more surprisingly he wore an omniopod an Insulin pump on his arm without a cable. And of course I had to ask him about his experiences. He wasn’t as open as I am. I am always so excited when I meet another T1D. But when I read posts here I understand that not everyone likes being asked questions. I find this sad. Asking expresses interest for me. Not an attack. Whatever.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but I never feel forced to reply to anyone or anything. If I dont have anything to say, or I don’t have time to sit with my phone for long, then I don’t reply or don’t reply in a timely manner.
I hope you have a good week off. You’re doing great.
a new cycle will begin. So, I’ve also almost done 2 cycles.