Great job on your 88 days! You’ve been doing so well! How is your sleep?
I have a friend who has a difficult time with the same kind of self talk. One of her strategies is to counter those thoughts with facts. If she thinks shes stupid then she will conscously point out how that isnt true because she has a degree, or if she thinks she’s worthless, then she tries to come up with examples in the moment of how that isnt true and the value she brings to others.
I know that isn’t something that would work for everyone, but I figured I’d mention it just in case it was useful.
Sleep didn’t improve, still better in the first half of the cycle and then getting worse in the second half. I made another appointment mid August with the gynecologist to try progesterone.
To convince my inner critic: I try to solve this all my life rationalizing it, I have never been successful. Feelings are still most of the time bottled up as I fear that they won’t get better. Like when I was still falling into bed each night see drunken crying each night until I fell asleep. It never helped. Maybe that’s what I remember from crying. Idk. I still have some hours with the therapist. I’ve been having therapy on and off for years. I think I will have to accept this voice at one point.
I made it. I’ve had some days when I’ve been so tired that I was thinking of a coffee. The overwhelming tiredness subsided and also thought back to how tired I’ve always been once the caffeine level decreased in the system. So this is not an option. Pill doesn’t help. I am seeing the gynecologist in 3 weeks again.
I hope you will be able to figure something out with your sleep. I have my own sleep issues and have been considering seeing an acupuncturist because i wake up so many times a night that it is so hard to feel refreshed in the morning.
Day 2 zero caffeine. I’m tired, and even with my long step down I’m still having headaches. A bit of anger too. But I am less anxious. My jaw isn’t tense and I don’t have to remind myself to physically relax. This will get better. Until then I’m just sleepy. And romanticizing a perfect cup. I do know, also from my long step down that a treat here or there just starts the cycle right back at the beginning. Timer set. 2 days in and no looking back. Onward.
I have had these thoughts some time during the past weeks. I was also about to say, fuck it, just a cup to feel better. I wasn’t even tired when I was craving it. It was often the habit when no out of home decaf was available or I felt really low. But my mind directly got back to all the times I started over and over again because after once in a week one cup, there is one cup a day. It’s some weird drug. Not like alcohol for me but the habit of having a coffee, sitting down and relaxing with a coffee image. Rest. Exhale. Take a brake is so tied to having a coffee. Like a goas of wine to relax in the evening I know where this will end.
I know where this will end.