The Caffeine Circus Cycle of Fail

Life in Recovery
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I’m moving down to 150mg of caffeine today. It hasn’t taken long to start feeling tired and irritable, but I also know that I can’t continue to put this off. I don’t have any plans for the weekend, so this should be a good time to get over the worst of it. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I think from here I will simply go to zero. 150mg, for me, is extremely low and I know that it’s workable.

Not sure if people know this, but there’s actually a medical term for high caffeine intake–“caffeinism”. It’s basically taking in large amounts of caffeine and having restlessness, nervousness, irritability, insomnia, diuresis, tremors, tachycardia, flushed face, etc. I think I’ve experienced this at times in the past, especially when I was taking in a lot, but pairing it with various downers actually evened out some of the problems.

Caffeine withdrawal is also listed as a “disorder” in the DSM-5. I guess it’s listed under “Caffeine-Related Disorders". The first time I saw that, I really didn’t know what to think. I’m not sure I know now either. I feel like almost everything can be fit into a “mental disorder” definition, if you try hard enough.

It’s not something I would consider. I see it as a drug and as drug addiction. Maybe you could list it under the “addiction” section. I think that caffeine can exacerbate per-existing mental disorders though.

I’m curious what other people think about this. Should it be classified as a mental disorder in its own right?

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I’ve been following this thread with great interest. I’ve found over my 25 days sober, my need for caffeine has dropped drastically. Without alcohol to shut me down at night I simply can not do any caffeine in the afternoon unless I want to be up all night fighting the urge to drink. I am at less then half of my previous caffeine intake. I do get an afternoon slump which sucks. Without the hungover morning after I am able to get up earlier and get a workout in with minimal coffee. The workout jumpstarts my body better than caffeine most days. This has improved my sleep to the point where I feel rested and I’m on a pretty normal schedule of 8-9 hours sleep. This is pretty close to a miracle for me.

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For the most part I have maintained the 300mg cut since starting my taper. I did go down to 150mg, but then went back to 300 again. I few times I have popped in another can which would bring me to 600mg. Some of those days were to make it through; but, in all honesty, a couple of those days were simply because I wanted more caffeine and I wanted to feel better.

I’ve been paying close attention to my emotional state and my thoughts over the past couple of weeks; especially in regards to the two days I just decided to figuratively throw my hands up in the air and just give in. I’m clearly not leaning into behavior that shows commitment to what I say that I want.

Some personal thoughts about myself and addiction in general under the tab to be skipped if desired.

For me, the difficulty often lies in finding ways to not let myself be swayed by my emotions. I’m a very emotionally driven person, despite my logical disposition. At this point in my life, I don’t tend to just make bad decisions without thinking about it. “Giving in” isn’t something that “just happens” for me. I don’t push any of it to the side because it’s uncomfortable to face my choices in the moment.

If I make a choice that I know is bad for me, then I make myself look at it and think about it. It does tend to help me decide against a bad course of action a lot of times, but when it doesn’t then I just accept that I’ve made the choice. I’ll feel things like disappointment or dissatisfaction, but I don’t hate myself for my choices. I don’t feel disappointed in myself. After all, I am a sovereign being. I am making this choice of my own free will. There’s no point in hating myself, or having other negative emotions toward myself.

I do get disappointed in knowing that I haven’t yet figured out why I’m still driven to make those choices. Clearly I haven’t been able to find and address something imprinted on my psyche, or I haven’t yet succeeded in changing certain thought patterns.

This would be a bigger concern if the point of failure was something more life destroying; but caffeine gives me something of an opportunity in that I can play scientist with myself and my psyche without destroying my life.

I have to ask myself, “What is it that I’m really holding on to? What am I afraid of? What is it in life that is causing me so much discomfort that I’m willing to choose the opposite of what I say that I want?”

Either I want it or I don’t, right?

Caffeine makes me feel happy. Straight up. I don’t feel anxious on it at all. And for me, just being slightly more happy and energetic isn’t enough. You know what I’m talking about. If this much is good, then more must be better!! :sweat_smile: But at this point the shine has worn off.

Like I’ve mentioned before, the one thing that I believe is holding me back is not wanting my appetite to flare up. I know that my life will become very uncomfortable if that happens because of my GI problems and also I don’t want to gain weight. If I eat more, it increases my discomfort in other health related areas.

But, here’s the kicker: my system is becoming so sensitive that carbonated beverages in general are starting to cause me problems, and since I’m currently drinking energy drinks, it’s starting to mess with me anyway.

Catch 22.

I’m perfectly aware that I’ve taken out a loan and that at some point I have to pay it back. I am currently at a point where the consequences of my actions must be faced. I accept that logically and even emotionally; yet, I still don’t want to face them because I’ve created a situation for myself that will likely be very unpleasant. In any case, there is nothing to be done but to get it over with at some point.

Maybe I’m just being a coward. The general withdrawal symptoms from caffeine can really suck in general, but because of my current health situation, this particular time I quit will bring some extra problems. I’m really tempted to just be done tapering at this point and just see what the unknown has to offer me, and if it ends up being as bad as I’m afraid it will be.

In all honesty, I’m not exactly comfortable with sharing all of this here, but I’m doing it with the hope that it will be useful to someone else now and/or in the future.

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I feel with you. Remember when I said I would take the chance of my vacation to stop caffeine and sleep. When I quit last year I had severe back pain. It was horrible. Now, I have to sleep on my back which causes back pain and I am not willing to add these withdrawal symptoms on top of this. I admit. I stick to decaf often, though.
I felt it directly in the day of surgery when I woke up, the afternoon the muscles in my neck began to tense. I seem to express the withdrawal through my muscles.

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After a handful of difficult afternoons recently, where my anxiety has peaked, I’ve decided to make an effort to seriously cut down on coffee. It really isn’t helping atm. My goal initially is 2 small cups in the morning (to avoid the hideous headaches initially) and we’ll go from there.

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Best of luck with your goal. Let us know if cutting back helps with the anxiety–after the withdrawals, of course.

We’re you drinking caffeine in the afternoon too?

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It has crept into my afternoon yes, but the main issue is the amount I consume between 8-12. It’s a constant stream of cups so by midday I’m on edge. It has been manageable up until recently, but some other factors have caused my anxiety levels to increase also, and it has become problematic. I’ve stuck to my goal the past 2 days, no headaches and generally feel better :+1:

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Quick update. The 2 cup rule is going well. No down side at all tbh. No headaches, energy levels are ok, anxiety is down. It was a really good decision. I am drinking A LOT of decaf tho, but that’s all good.

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I used to have a terrible addiction to caffeine. I am not sure how I started to kick it, though.

Height of my caffeine addiction, I was easily having 800mg-1200mg a day

At my old job, we had a partial Starbucks store. I worked night shift, and it wasn’t open during my shift, but boss allowed us to make coffee. Anything to stay alert during our shifts, I guess…so oftentimes I would have 4 shots of espresso about twice per shift. Before that job, at my other job, I had VPX Redline energy drinks. Each of these had 1000mg per bottle and the bottles were about 8oz in size (this was before they changed the formula to have less caffeine)

Before this, I had been prescribed dextromethamphetamine for no reason. Doc thought I had ADHD. Maybe I do, but this stuff just made me way too strung out and I was so high on speed that I was ultra focused but I wouldn’t really do anything.

When I was getting off of it, I would routinely drink red bulls…about six of them a day. It was getting expensive to do this.

Now I have caffeine maybe twice a week. The only way I was able to kick it, was taking time off and then sleeping a ridiculous amount of maybe 12 hours a day, and taking aleve for the withdrawal headaches, and forcing myself to lift weights, which would help wake me up, getting increased blood flow to my brain, etc.

I also took extra B vitamins during this time and a bacopa supplement. Still take the B vitamins every day, or shall I say before bed, I take a handful of different vitamins since I don’t get enough from food, and usually by the time I wake up, I feel pretty refreshed.

This addiction took me a few years to cut back enough to where I feel like I am not dependent on it. Caffeine is definitely addictive. I think also, when I was younger, I would see my mother having way too much caffeine. She seemed like she was addicted to it, and still is, I think. I remember her making coffee at around 6am, and I would constantly see her with a cup of coffee until about noon to 2pm. She probably had six to ten cups of coffee during this time period. Due to me seeing her drinking so much coffee, it made me scared to get that dependent on caffeine. I think she still drinks coffee, but has since cut back. Once, when I was a kid, I remember her trying to quit, and she would have horrible headaches. She has probably drank coffee every day for at least 25 years. Her withdrawal symptoms got so bad that she would get sick, kind of. So, at a young age, that scared me. I never wanted to become that dependent on it…so yeah, I had a pretty long stint of drinking caffeine beverages, but it’s relatively under control, now. I think the main reason why I had caffeine so often, is that i never considered it a “problem addiction”, so I never felt bad about consuming so much…but it is a money drainer. Most days, I feel a lot better with just natural energy…but dang, there’s something about coffee that is just…good. It’s difficult to kick, but worth it.

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I really appreciate you sharing your story. Caffeine really is such a money drainer, especially when you start hitting up the energy drinks. It’s easy to think that it’s not a problem, or can’t be a problem.

This is really true for me too. When I’ve kicked the habit and eventually started to stabilize, waking up naturally and with energy felt so nice. I think I could say that it is almost… “peaceful” in comparison to getting that kick of caffeine (when it actually works), but that always seems to go downhill.

I kind of think the “normal” we get to after drinking enough caffeine to be awake and going isn’t actually “normal” in the true sense. At least, that’s what I’ve noticed with myself. I’m not sure how it is with others.

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I will give it another try to cut back. I finally found a replacement that tastes fine with my foamed almond milk and that is lupins coffee. I am very happy bc my almond milk tastes like shit in coffee or decaf. So I will try this lupins coffee in my espresso maker ,:partying_face::hugs:

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So now, during the ‘holiday’ season, I ended up topping about 1200mg of caffeine per day. I won’t go over how much, or why, I utterly despise November and December, but I will say that that much caffeine barely kept me going. I put a hard limit on having more than that.

In comes the new year, and for me that really means nothing in particular. It’s just an arbitrary date chosen for the next calendar year to come into effect. However, astrologically (for those who don’t know, I’m an astrologer) it means something for me in terms of health as the sun moves through my natal 6th house of health each year this time so the focus naturally settles on health.

With that said, I’ve fallen horribly ill this week. Likely a terrible head cold combined with a sinus infection. It seems to be moving into my chest, so that’s fun. Since I’m already suffering, I’ve decided to just add in the pain and suffering of caffeine withdrawal.

I know this might make no sense, but if I’m already going to be laid out, then I’d like to make the most of it. I’m down to 300mg a day. Tomorrow I plan to stop all caffeine. It’s been a very fast stair step down. I expect it to take about a month before I begin to really feel better from quitting caffeine, but the worst of the physical withdrawals should be done in a couple weeks.

From experience, I know that once the sun moves into Aquarius and out of my 6th house, I’ll feel less motivated to suffer in the short term for long term health goals. So I’m making the most of it now.

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Wow, 1200mg of caffeine in one day would put me in the hospital without a doubt.

I had 600mg the other day; 3 energy drinks spread out over about 14 hours because of a long work day. After that third energy drink I really regretted it. I’ve learned that I’m fine as long as I stay under 400mg a day.

I’m sorry you don’t feel well, I hope you get better soon!

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I hope you are feeling better :heartbeat: and drinking plenty of water. Sending healing vibes.

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Can anyone recommend a good caffeine free coffee for a keurig?

I don’t have a caffeine addiction but I do have an extreme sensitivity to it. I’m hoping switching to decaf will help me sleep at night. The insomnia is maddening.

Preferably organic!

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@planchette Caffeine and sugar. Both definitely very addictive and easily looked over by society. I’ve quit sugar before and man is that a doozy to get over. Please feel free to share as much about your caffeine experiences as you feel comfortable. :slight_smile:

@Nordique Definitely would not recommend people take in that much in general! :sweat_smile: Thanks for the well wishes.

@SassyRocks Thank you. I’m still sick, but I’m trying to keep drinking fluids. Haven’t been sick like this in a while so I guess I was due.

@Yellow I don’t do decaf, but @anon74766472 posted up the thread about having found something suitable. You might be able to see if that works for you. Good luck!

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So I took the plunge and have been off caffeine for 3.5 days now. It has been a blur of moving from one place to sleep to another to another to another. When I’ve been awake, I’ve wasted my life watching old TV shows; of which I tend to have my pick given that I am not a big TV watcher and never really have been.

Being sick with a nasty head cold that has moved into my lungs hasn’t helped, but I am a recovering A-Type personality. I hate wasting time. So if I’m already going to suffer, then I might as well make the time worth it. I think I’ve gotten more sleep in this way, but the headaches have been unbearable.

Today is the first day I’ve really been able to think even remotely clear. It doesn’t matter what drug you are withdrawing from (and I have withdrawn from a line up of them), this part really does suck and I don’t think caffeine is any different. Of course, there are some people have have a less difficult time getting off this socially acceptable substance than myself; however, withdrawals are withdrawals and we all have our own personal sensitivity and ability to handle these difficult times.

I have a nasty mix of nausea mixed with hunger which is annoying, but it’s better than being ravenous. Depression and lack of motivation is also a difficulty I’ve been confronted with in the past when getting off caffeine and this time is no different. I’ve gone through this when getting off opiates, muscle relaxers, etc., as well. I know that over time, if I stick to my goals, I will eventually recover.

“Short term sacrifices for long term goals.”

This is a saying that has stuck with me since my first go at college where I picked up a degree in finance. It was meant to indicate that if right now you saved, paid off debts, invested in the right places, and was willing to forgo some of the “finer things in life”, that financially your world would likely be much better and you’d be glad that you did.

It’s the same here. Whether you’re reading this because caffeine really is a huge problem for you, or because you just happened here, if you’re on this website then you understand how sacrificing the pain of withdrawal and sometimes P.A.W.S. now will most likely pan out in the end giving a happier and healthier life in so many ways.

All drugs are just like money, caffeine is no different. We take out a loan on pleasure, energy, fun, etc., and withdrawal is paying back the debt on a neurological level. I like to keep this in mind during the worst times.

Right now I’m really craving a caffeine fix. I’m a busy person and I have a lot to do. It kills me to slow down even when I’m legitimately sick. But it’s not just for that. I feel happier and more upbeat on caffeine–when it’s working. SSRIs and SNRIs don’t work on me. The standard line up of depression medicine gives me the opposite effect. That makes caffeine even more seductive. But I also know that, for me, this is not a substance that does me any favors. Eventually I even out and I have to take in more and more.

Caffeine also disrupts my sleep cycles. Right now I’m taking an OTC sleep aid. I’ve been taking this for years and I would like to get off it as well. But I know that I have to get off caffeine first–permanently–before I can do this. Once I get off this sleep aid, I think I will start a master counter for my “clean date”.

I have so many different dates when I stopped using this drug or that drug or when the empty liquor bottles stopped lining my kitchen counters, but that’s a lot of dates. Taking care of these last little pesky problems and being truly free is my goal. Caffeine has been a struggle, but I know I can do this. I just have to stick with it through the repayment phase.

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I’m only just catching up with this thread and I have to say the switch from 1200mg over the holidays to quitting altogether is quite the task. Having said that I have absolute faith that you can do it. I’m sorry to hear you have been unwell but am impressed that you have taken it as a opportunity to make some important changes. And I very much enjoy the depth at which you approach these things, and that you share all of this.

I’m still on track, no more than a couple of cups a day. A few days I have had none. I’m considering giving it up all together as it does sometimes still make me a little anxious. Or at least amplifies those feelings. But I’m in a far better place with it now and have no urges to suddenly start drinking endless cups all day again. I’m content with that.

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I’ve always wondered if I should tackle caffeine. It’s always been so entwined in my worklife that it latched itself into home. I can’t remember the last day I haven’t had a cup of coffee. I’m less now, only 1 or two cups a day. Most days only 1. But moving onto none seems really difficult.

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@Chiron How are you feeling today with no caffeine?

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