The Caffeine Circus Cycle of Fail

Life in Recovery
131

I have made it! I have arrived! The crowd goes wild as I raise my arms up in the air with victory!

No caffeine for one week. :laughing:

This started off great, but the last three days have been non-stop insomnia. I believe this is, in part, due to weening off Gabapentin and Clonidine at the same time. I’ve been on a very high dosage of gabapentin for a while and I take Clonidine at night. I don’t respond to the normal PTSD medications, SSRIs and SNRIs have the opposite effect on me, Benzos are off the table, and there are certain medications I refuse to play with.

I feel like I’ve done enough work on myself that I’d like to try and live without medication. And really, caffeine itself acted as a medication for me in a lot of ways. Caffeine boosted my mood in a way that very few other substances can.

I want to be free, and that means not being dependant on any substance for my well being. FOR ME this is an important thing. This is something that I want for myself. I don’t begrudge anyone their morning coffee, or the depression medicine they need to get through the day. I get it. I live with a constant hyper awareness born from PTSD that can be maddening sometimes. My brain doesn’t filter things because anything could be a threat.

And you know, caffeine actually helps with the anxiety. For a while. It makes me happy, energetic, productive, and internally calm. But only for a while. Then I get used to it and need more. And like with other things, I just don’t want to need something.

I want to be free.

So, here’s to a week. Eventually, I’ll stop counting, but that’s later.

@Minatasha You are totally welcome to drink as much caffeine as you wish or not. :slight_smile: And I think you’re right, in that sometimes it comes down to choosing to have one thing over something more distructive.

I’ll tell you though, I used to pound energy drinks from morning until night, then drug myself to go to sleep because my sleep hygiene was probably -3 or something. :laughing: So I get it.

I think everyone should just take things as is best for them. I have a laundry list of things I’ve quit, picking one off at a time often. Each change was good for me, despite the fact that I had other stuff that was not so good for me going on.

And maybe you never quit caffeine, or maybe at some point you reduce. What matters is what works for you and what makes your life a better life, yeah? BUT, if you do decide to reduce or quit, please feel free to share your experience in this thread for other people to read.

4 Likes
132

Wow, that’s so cool!

kindergarden-congratulations

Congratulations on your week! I hope the sleep will get better.

I am at lower doses as before but I know the direction which leads to a higher, yet stable dose. :roll_eyes:

1 Like
133

Thank you. :heart: I admit that I’m I didn’t know that I needed your encouragement and congratulations until I got it.

Hang in there. You’re doing great.

1 Like
134

Chiming in here! I’ve been tapering down my caffeine consumption for the past two weeks; first I cut out the energy drinks, then ramped down the coffee and finally switched to just black tea this week. Ultimately I want to stop it completely and only drink non-caffinated teas as my go to hot drink. It hasn’t been too bad, have had occasional headaches, mild fatigue and crankiness but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’m definitely feeling the positive benefits already, feel more focused and have steady energy, I’m surprisingly getting more done! This app has really helped me to track and monitor my intake. There’s probably similar apps that are free but this one has good reviews and seemed user friendly.

2 Likes
135

Well it’s been two long weeks. I’ve had a couple good days, but mostly a lot of assdragging. My sleep has recovered a little, though last night was horrendous because someone (looking at my cat here) wouldn’t shut up last night and made sure to walk all over the bed and my face just to be sure I heard her.

This weekend was rough though. I was antsy all day Saturday. Antsy, bored, tired, and unmotivated. Sunday I almost gave in. Not because I was dragging but for the simple reason that I wanted it. I mean, in the end, isn’t that kind of always the reason we slip up?

But I didn’t and here I am.

@Mich80 Thank you for the app information! Glad to hear things haven’t been too bad with you beyond some mild discomfort. Is this the first time quitting caffeine or have you done it before?

1 Like
136

Good to read from you.

Ahhh, how we love them for showing us their love during the night. :crazy_face:

I’ll attemp a new one on Wednesday.

1 Like
137

I will be cheering you on!

The vet told me last Friday that he finds that caring for old, sick, and mentally failing cats is too much for a lot of people and that cats like mine tend to go downhill very fast, but that he’s been surprised and delighted and how much she has thrived despite everything.

It’s either love or she is actually doing a voodoo dance at night to steal my life-force. :laughing:

1 Like
138

You’re welcome! Hope the app helps someone.
I stopped drinking caffeine when I was pregnant, but that was many years ago… I had my last cup of black tea 2 days ago, having some mild symptoms still. I feel your pain with the cat keeping you up at night, mine always tries to steal my pillow from me! :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

2 Likes
139

I realized that it won’t be possible most probably to go on decaffeinated drinks like decaf Cappuccino. I think it’s something like alcohol free beer or wine. It’ll lead me back to the original one. It’s only a matter of time. So I need to be prepared for: head aches, irritability, not being concentrated and the worst: back pain and overall being down.

Already the perspective of not having my decaf or decaf with oatmilk tomorrow makes me uncomfortable, missing out. Wtf.

2 Likes
140

How are you doing, @Chiron ?

1 Like
141

Thanks for asking. I fell off the proverbial caffeine wagon for several days before I quit again last Wednesday. Part of this strict, modified low FODMAP diet I just started. I also quit several other things at the same time, which I will talk about elsewhere, but it included cold turkey dropping my nightly dose of Unisom, so I thought I’d be sleepless for a while. Turns out I’ve ended up sleeping most of the time and being so groggy when awake that I could barely think.

I have to do this diet for 2 months and I’m committed to it, so that should help my commitment to staying off caffeine, I think. Once I get out of this beginning phase. I’ve only been awake for an hour and a half and already I feel the need for sleep coming on. My brain has been clearer for the awake time so that’s a big improvement!

How are you doing? You might have written elsewhere, but I’ve barely been able to focus on much so I missed it if so.

142

Oh wow, this sounds hard. If heard of this kind of diet. Some years ago they questioned something like this for me but I was lucky.
I am struggling with depression atm and don’t feel like quitting atm although I really need to. I feel restless and unmotivated at the same time which is a real fucked up feeling.
Do you have to work atm? I hope it’ll get better soon.

1 Like
143

Oh no :frowning: I’m so sorry to hear this. I completely understand. It’s not easy to quit something that will only make you feel more blah. Hang in there. I wish I could help; know that my thoughts are with you.

I do work, but I started on Wednesday because I was able to arrange my schedule to make it work. I have a couple meetings tomorrow online, but I’ll sleep around them if needed, and then I teach most of Tuesday so fingers crossed.

1 Like
144

How is it going with your diet and no caffeine?
I am on day 2 and this time I will overcome the withdrawals. I am in quarantine since today. I am already sick at home due to the depressive episode. But being stuck at home, I will see. At least I don’t have the urge to drink one decaf after the other today. I am already doing better Covid wise. I will kick this caffeine addiction, one day at a time. :muscle:

1 Like
145

Sounds like you were dehydrated. Coffee will do that.

1 Like
146

It will be 21 days today. The diet is monotonous, but focusing on my health problems helps me to not focus on things like not having caffeine. I’m still tired most of the time, but with all the changes, it’s hard to say why. Also I have constant body aches and lack of motivation. Definitely one day at a time.

Hopefully being at home will help! When you feel tired or in pain you can rest. It’s hard to do that at work. Great job on 2 days! I know you can do this!

1 Like
147

I am doing very good actually today. Well, it’s only the beginning of day three but that is when the back pain began and I feel well enough to do some yoga. I am much better than yesterday.
I slept okay, in pieces as I was sleeping all day yesterday and was shivering. I woke up during the night sweating. That’s a good sign. :upside_down_face:

Your tiredness doesn’t sound to stem from caffeine after three weeks.

1 Like
148

How are you doing today with your caffeine intake? Still feeling good?

I don’t think the tiredness comes from the caffeine, though from my previous experiences, I do tend to feel “blah” for a couple months. I stopped taking a handful of medication at the same time, which could be part of it and the dietary change (which has helped in a lot of ways) could be part of it too. It’s hard to say.

I can say that I’ve had some days where I’ve had some serious caffeine cravings. I have about 25 days in. I try not to think about it and just focus on the new diet. It helps pass the days.

1 Like
149

I am 5 days without caffeine now. :innocent::muscle:
I think that my tiredness at this point is due to Covid. I am getting better bit by bit. I am taking it easy and I think it was a good thing to couple the two :see_no_evil: I have only very mild cold symptoms but am still very positive on a test. :crazy_face:

I am pretty proud of myself tbh. It still sounds stupid to me but the worst seems to be over.

3 Likes
150

It’s nearly 1am here in Australia and I’m having trouble getting to sleep :smirk: I think it’s because I drank too much coffee today! I only started drinking coffee last year, but it seems I’m hooked and it’s negatively affecting my sleep and causing increased anxiety issues. I’m going to cut down to one cup a day, and then only decaf after that. Glad I found this thread.

2 Likes