The Company you Keep

Hello everyone,

I am newly sober from alcohol (have had my times of hitting reset but this is my consistent streak and it feels amazing!) and this app has helped significantly. This community is strong, motivating, and so tenacious. So much love here.

Here’s my question:

To the sober vets and the newbies like myself, when/how did you handle being around others that were partaking while you’re living the sober lifestyle? I am in my mid 20’s and enjoy the social life which comes with alcohol in many situations. I do participate in non-alcohol related activities of course but when it comes to socializing or spending time at a friend’s house, alcohol is something that arises. Of course the temptation is there and I’m new to saying no, and I have friends that are supportive. Long story short; I would just like insight on staying sober early on while still maintaining a normal social life.


For me, and I do have 2 decades on you, when I went sober I cut everything with alcohol out of my life. My true friends accepted it and we continued to do things with out alcohol…and ended up having better times. Those that weren’t my friends, didnt underatand and moved on with out me. Eventually…9ish months maybe, i slowly entered into controlled situations where there was drinking. What I found…most of those situations/ events…I dont like anymore


There is a book that you can access and read in a pdf format that addresses this issue.


New to sobriety here. I still keep my non sober friends around and we support each other. I’m not cutting them out because we are chosen family—I’ve also done a pretty good job of weeding out fake and disingenuous friends from my life during the lockdown and now all my friends are tried and true. They know my boundaries and they hold me accountable. Personally, I’m able to be in situations with alcohol and not have cravings because I know I’m fine until I have the first drink.

With people I don’t know, am just meeting, are acquaintances I communicate my boundaries very loudly and unapologetically


if any event or social situation is going to trigger cravings, it’s not worth it. put your sobriety first and think about the things you want to do, ask your friends to do those activities.


i will say i tried a few times to stay sober but my lifestyle was still heavily involved / revolved around nightlife and bars. it wasn’t until i was ready to put that behind me that i was able to commit to sobriety.


In early sobriety i was told stay away from pubs and places were there is drink and i did and it worked still sober , today i can go to the bar and get my friends a beer or cocktail doesnt bother me but i dont do that often maybe holidays or weddings ect , i still go out socially but with my AA friends for meals or sport events , today im a old fart so disco stuff aint my thing just thinking is disco still a word lol


This is where I’m at right now. It’s time to put the night life lifestyle behind me and accept that. I’m still experiencing cravings also so I agree it’s best to not put myself in front of temptation. Thank you Clawdia :peace_symbol:


Starting this tonight thank you :peace_symbol:


This is great insight thank you! :peace_symbol:


I’m 45, I quit drinking when I was 40. From about 18 to 40, I was a partier, I was first to show, last to leave and pretty much out drank most around me (some how that was a badge of honor?), tho I slowed down later in life.

So, I pretty much stayed home for the first 3 months.

I didn’t really go out with anyone other than my family for the first year.

Now, I don’t really do anything social where drinking is the main objective.

At 4 and a half years of sobriety, I’m fine if people around me are drinking, as long as it’s not the only activity.

I still feel a bit uneasy in bars and try to limit my time there to the bare minimum (usually business meetings or catching lunch with friends).

Since I’ve sobered up, I’ve actually met some other sober people in my area and we hang out from time to time, super fun times!


looking at it like an opportunity (to explore other interests) rather than a punishment helps!
i was honestly sick of the nightlife / partying scene for years before that, was going through the motions pretending like i enjoyed myself. i had to reach that point before i could move on.


I had a large group of co-dependents. We drank and had fun for many years. So when I got sober, it became clear who my true friends were. I still go to lots of concerts, comedy shows, festivals etc, my friends still drink. The thing is tho, I only go to events like that with friends that I know support me and my decision. I have friends that still ask me “oh, are you still not drinking?” After 2 years, I say the same thing every time, I will never drink again… Those folks, I do not go out with. I will grab lunch, talk on the phone, visit but never out. I’ve completely cut ties to “friends” that will try to pressure me or bring people around that have to question me as why I don’t drink. I don’t owe anyone an explanation and anyone who chooses to be sober doesn’t owe anyone an explanation.

Now that I’m happily sober, I can very clearly see who of my friends has a problem. Remember, it’s not necessarily how often or how much you drink, it’s what it does to you. Mean drunks, bad decision drunks, loud drunks, emotional drunks, etc… Some of my friends I absolutely cannot stand when they are drinking!

I think at a certain point the group of people you associate with naturally thins itself out when you are sober, and that is not a bad thing.


In some ways I feel like I don’t know who I am because I spent my 20s and most of my 30s clubbing/socializing with alcohol/looking for my next love interest/addicted to booze and drama rather than exploring hobbies, examining my career path with a clear mind, finding new interests, trying out different creative outlets. Now I’m 39 and happily married, but looking out at what is mostly a wasteland of my young adulthood. Im grateful that I’m sober now and don’t plan on turning back ever. I want to find out who I am and like many say, see sobriety as a grand adventure… can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings. :purple_heart:


yeah that was absolutely how i spent my 20s as well! i’m glad i have the opportunity now to actually figure that all out. i understand feeling like it’s wasted time, that’s hard to grapple with. but living in the present is the only way forward and it couldn’t have gone down any different than it did.


Honestly it’s really best if you change all people places and things you might not want to say goodbye to certain friends or people you might hang out with but you can’t risk soberity and falling back into old habits and it will only happen if u continue to hang in the gang while such things are going on just a little bit of advice but your doing great keep if up :slight_smile: chat anytime


For me in early sobriety I had to be very particular about who I was around and what times I was around them. I limited my visits with friends during the day when I knew they weren’t going to be drinking. I also gained several new friends who were sober through AA, I now only have one or two friends who drink but they respect my sobriety. If you feel it necessary to be around your friends at a bar then I would take someone with you who isn’t drinking aswell or tell yourself you will only be there an hour.