I have seen a lot of people start a thread for their own journey and I like that idea so this will be mine. My journey is my own but at the same time so similar to others. I’ve tried to quit drinking before but I don’t believe I was truly serious. I believe I was always doing it to satisfy another person. While I am disappointed in my current relapse, it is what brought me to meet the counselor I met last night. I have probably needed therapy for a long time but would never commit. I’m ready to work on myself for myself.
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Yay Jenn! 
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Thank you Matt. I think that is the fewest words I have seen you use 
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Thank you. I think the zoom meeting with her went very well. I’m really trying to work on my mind set.
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I’m just getting out of the way so you can rock your sobriety 
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Hey Jennifer, glad you took the brave step of getting help and to work on yourself! Thank you for taking us along the journey 🙋
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Welcome aboard the crazy train 
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I just finished a week holiday with my father in which my goal was to learn more about his origins and his side of the family. There’s a lot about them that went unspoken when I was growing up.
To my dads great credit he was frank and honest with me, about both the ups and the downs. And as a result I have learned more in the last few weeks about myself and my thinking, feelings, and behaviour than I have in over 30 years.
I think feeling like we’re crazy and just barely holding it “together” is fairly common among us on TS.
All to say - your life is valid and I believe as you search in and work your sober self and sober life, gradually you’ll weave a narrative that will 100% be unconventional but it will be yours, conscious and purposeful. It may be erratic - “crazy” I think is the word people use? Is that it? - but it will be a coherent, purposeful one.
You have a story. You’re writing it now
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Today is a struggle of feelings. I don’t even want to drink. I feel almost like a black cloud is hovering over me and nothing positive can make it’s way to me. I feel sad and almost like my heart physically hurts. I have been depressed for weeks. I just don’t know how to actually deal with how I’m feeling because I’ve never done it. I don’t want to feel so sad and down but honestly I don’t know how to flip the switch.
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Update: made it through work, a work out and some tv. I still feel sad but I didn’t drink
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Yay Jenn!
All there is, is the present. And it’s enough, and you’re enough.
Have you ever used Insight Timer? I use it all the time and I love it. I find the meditations help me through all the stuff in life. Here’s one of their (many) topics. If you think it works for you too, enjoy it; if not, that’s ok too.
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I shall check it out. I have never heard of it
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I was introduced to it by a counsellor when I was participating in group mentorship for adult ADHD. I find it has so many good meditations on so many topics, including addiction, pain, sadness, acceptance, joy, and many others - and for me it really helps me think of things in new ways. Even if I am still the same person and going through similar things, I understand it more deeply
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I’m sure it will be helpful. I’ll take a listen at work tomorrow. I’m mentally drained today
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I love Insight Timer. I use it for sleep sounds, Dharma talks, meditations, so much! I do have the paid version, though.
Relax and I will wish for you that tomorrow is a better day! @Runningfree
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I use the free version and I haven’t had any problems. The only difference I see so far is that I don’t have the ability to download the meditations or skip ahead or back; there’s also some areas (like live yoga classes) that are reserved for paid listeners. However the key meditations are there & as long as you have wifi or data you can listen
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Today is better. Feeling less sad. Started listening to a podcast called breakdown to breakthrough and I like it. The app was a good call. Thanks for that Matt
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I will second Insight Timer. Love it. Have the paid subscription.
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Glad to read that you didnt let your relapse ruin your stride, you have strength and courage, be proud G
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