I have seen a lot of people start a thread for their own journey and I like that idea so this will be mine. My journey is my own but at the same time so similar to others. I’ve tried to quit drinking before but I don’t believe I was truly serious. I believe I was always doing it to satisfy another person. While I am disappointed in my current relapse, it is what brought me to meet the counselor I met last night. I have probably needed therapy for a long time but would never commit. I’m ready to work on myself for myself.
Wise words Jennifer. Where rock bottom can be our deepest point in a downfall, it is the first point of the way up at the same time.
Congrats on 4 days and for seeking help !
Thank you Matt. I think that is the fewest words I have seen you use
Thank you. I think the zoom meeting with her went very well. I’m really trying to work on my mind set.
I’m just getting out of the way so you can rock your sobriety
Hey Jennifer, glad you took the brave step of getting help and to work on yourself! Thank you for taking us along the journey 🙋
Welcome aboard the crazy train
I just finished a week holiday with my father in which my goal was to learn more about his origins and his side of the family. There’s a lot about them that went unspoken when I was growing up.
To my dads great credit he was frank and honest with me, about both the ups and the downs. And as a result I have learned more in the last few weeks about myself and my thinking, feelings, and behaviour than I have in over 30 years.
I think feeling like we’re crazy and just barely holding it “together” is fairly common among us on TS.
All to say - your life is valid and I believe as you search in and work your sober self and sober life, gradually you’ll weave a narrative that will 100% be unconventional but it will be yours, conscious and purposeful. It may be erratic - “crazy” I think is the word people use? Is that it? - but it will be a coherent, purposeful one.
You have a story. You’re writing it now
Today is a struggle of feelings. I don’t even want to drink. I feel almost like a black cloud is hovering over me and nothing positive can make it’s way to me. I feel sad and almost like my heart physically hurts. I have been depressed for weeks. I just don’t know how to actually deal with how I’m feeling because I’ve never done it. I don’t want to feel so sad and down but honestly I don’t know how to flip the switch.
Update: made it through work, a work out and some tv. I still feel sad but I didn’t drink
All there is, is the present. And it’s enough, and you’re enough.
Have you ever used Insight Timer? I use it all the time and I love it. I find the meditations help me through all the stuff in life. Here’s one of their (many) topics. If you think it works for you too, enjoy it; if not, that’s ok too.
I shall check it out. I have never heard of it
I was introduced to it by a counsellor when I was participating in group mentorship for adult ADHD. I find it has so many good meditations on so many topics, including addiction, pain, sadness, acceptance, joy, and many others - and for me it really helps me think of things in new ways. Even if I am still the same person and going through similar things, I understand it more deeply
I’m sure it will be helpful. I’ll take a listen at work tomorrow. I’m mentally drained today
I love Insight Timer. I use it for sleep sounds, Dharma talks, meditations, so much! I do have the paid version, though.
Relax and I will wish for you that tomorrow is a better day! @Jadkins2014
I use the free version and I haven’t had any problems. The only difference I see so far is that I don’t have the ability to download the meditations or skip ahead or back; there’s also some areas (like live yoga classes) that are reserved for paid listeners. However the key meditations are there & as long as you have wifi or data you can listen
Today is better. Feeling less sad. Started listening to a podcast called breakdown to breakthrough and I like it. The app was a good call. Thanks for that Matt
I will second Insight Timer. Love it. Have the paid subscription.