How does everyone else cope when they get discouraging comments from their partner, who by the way is still drinking every night in front of me. I said it’s my goal to get to one year, one year out of my whole life I think is achievable n I am so far determined n all I get is arsey comments like ‘well that will never happen’ n I mentioned I would like to be sober for our wedding n I get ‘yeah right as if you won’t drink’ I will be spending a lot of money on that one day and I want to remember every second n not numb my senses and feelings with poison!
I am doing this for myself I know that it’s just tricky when others mock your attempts as if your a joke and your journey is laughable.
He thinks I will be able to have one to be social someday it’s hard to get through to him that I can’t ever have one!
Any advice welcome xx
@NatalieE First of all you need to understand that what you have decided to do is take yourself out of a situation that you both shared … the same thing happens with friends you always drink with its kinda a by product of quitting drinking. I wouldn’t worry or focus on it to much. I don’t think it’s the other person being mean on purpose it’s what people do when change happens in my experience it gets better with time. Keep positive and keep strong and carry on with kicking the habit.
Thank you!! I know he’s not being to harsh just the little comments add doubt in my mind, like yeah he is right I prob will drink but hate that side of my mind.
I am set on my journey now so will stick to it. I don’t want to have to count the days I want to be free from it!
It is difficult as alcohol had a big part in our relationship through work and fancy nights out and wine tasting trips. Just think he may be looking at what we will miss out together not what our relationship will gain he has forgotten all the negatives and nastiness drinking bought xx
When I decided I wanted to quit drinking my husband was supportive. I didnt know what I was aiming for exactly but I told everyone 100 days at least, for my health.As the months went by we went to weddings, birthdays, outings, whichever but all with tons of alcohol. It was hard.I was very weak and angry about my sobriety. My husband asked me if my sobriety was forever and I said Idk maybe on my birthday…he got excited and told everyone how I was drinking again on my bday. I dug my own hole. My brother also told me Id eventually drink again, friends thought I was pregnant and wondered why I would stop. So on my birthday 108 days sober, I drank again.
1 drink. Then 1 a few days later, 1 the day after that. And then soon I was hiding alcohol again.Drinking it in my coffee cup, angry when my husband didnt want to drink with me.
I got wasted 2 weekends in a row, throwing up all the next day.
You will get sick and tired of it.I am so tired of living that way.I am 16 days sober right now and I am letting everyone know I simply dont drink anymore.I dont like it anymore, its not me anymore.Period.My husband now respects it . Sometimes you need to tell them the truth and what you are really thinking for them to take you serious.
Brilliant post - and a perfect example of doing this thing for ourselves. Once we start trying to fit into other people’s boxes, we’re f’d. Thanks for that, it’s a real lesson for us all.
Still trying to get around why we need to justify not drinking!! They have seen what it does to us and criticise us when we are drunk and nasty and blackout!! Yet they say things like well your allowed one it’s your birthday!! No I am not allowed one as it is never just one!! If the cycle is broken that’s it!
My worst fear is telling my best friend she will not be supportive. Don’t want to give myself any time limits so will take your advice and not mention a specific time or date n just hope that time and date go by n I don’t drink!
Went to the doctors today she was very understanding but said I should of consulted a doctor to get help but she was proud of me which was amazing to here. She said you are making steps to a healthier happier life and no one should criticise you for that she said my partner should also stop but that’s for another post!! Much appreciated advice
Oh my goodness @NatalieE ! I don’t like how he talks to you at all, that is so ridiculous that he is not in support of you trying to change and better your life and to say such terrible things on top of it like ‘well that will never happen’ or ‘yea right as if you wont drink’. Is he for real?? Have you sat down and had a talk with him about how this effects you and hurts your feelings on top of being somewhat demeaning? I think you need to really tell him how you feel especially if you are about to spend the rest of your life with him! He NEEDS to be 100% supportive of you no matter what; of this decision and every other decision moving forward or what is the point? If he loves you he needs to love absolutely everything about you and have your back no matter what. That was very hard to read because I only wish everyone on here to have support from their friends and loved ones. It is such a vital component in sobriety and happiness. Please tell him how you feel about this and have a real heart to heart. Keep your head up girl. Know you are very strong, beautiful, and amazing and can fight anything even without his support. You can conquer the world so DONT EVER let anyone tell you different!!! I mean it. Good luck and please let me know how it goes. xoxox
After reading other posts maybe I took it too seriously?? I dont know I just thought it sounded a little harsh and Im so used to being beat down emotionally in the past my little red flag went off. Im working on repairing that on a daily basis and you know your fiance more than any of us… Lots of love !!! <3
I thought the same thing @Shelbyeriss …red flags
I know they sound harsh but I don’t believe there is any malice in what he says. I have to face that it’s a big deal for him as my whole life seems to have evolved around alcohol so living a different life will be a change for us both. Also I believe that the comments only show that deep down he is jealous i am slowly gaining control and he is still stuck in the trap. He is of a big family of drinkers and he seems to do it out of habit as many family discussions are had over many drinks. I will talk to him it will just be hard to put my opinion across I need to show him I am serious and strong. I want a life with him and free of alcohol and I will have that!!
Please don’t let anyone put you down you are strong and focused and you will live a happy full sober life enjoying every minute of it!!
Thank you for your concern shows such kindness but his attitude has only made me more determined to end this miserable cycle and be free! Xx
I absolultely love your determination and positive outlook and way to take complete hold of the ordeal. It shows how strong and determined you really are and I love that you arnt messing around. Way to go! I only say the things I did because falling back into temptation is so very easy especially when you dont have the support from your spouse or loved one. It truly shows how courageous you are and I admire your strength to not let anyone get you down! Way to go and kick some serious butt!!!
All of my love xo