Stay strong Michelle! And look after your boys.
I’ve also heard the quote about kids living in a broken home that @dot.dot.dot posted.
Have a lovely day/evening and also… remember to think of yourself along the way!
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Illness in my household over the Christmas period, everyone else but me has been unwell, last week the youngest had tonsillitis and on antibiotics which ran out yesterday. My eldest had to go to the doctors on Christmas eve the doctor said he had a throat virus and the husband, well he’s been ill for weeks and won’t go to the doctors. Today the youngest is burning up again with a fever, as much as I don’t like seeing the boys ill it’s nice to be the only one they want and plenty of Cuddles
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Girl, you are so strong, insightful and resilient. 
to you.
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Amen! I was just reading the posts to this thread I had missed and I have to say, I really respect how you are doing the best you can by those boys @RedDragon. So much of your story reminds me of mine at times, your strength and determination to do the right thing is really beautiful!
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Thank you @MandiH and @aircircle there have been times that I haven’t felt strong and fought with my head to find what is right, the answers have always been there but five months in with a clear head and I can make those decisions now 
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Well that’s it, I have sat down with my husband and told him that we should split, he took it calmly which actually shocked me, I have told him that I will contact social care on Monday and get a recommendation of who they would prefer the children to reside with. I decided to tell him now than give him false hopes going into the new year. To be honest I think we’ve both given up trying to fight to stay together, although My gut is telling me this is the calm before the storm and I don’t fully trust him, I have told him that I am not putting a time of when to part the house yet
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Keeping my fingers crossed for this to continue to go well, very proud of you! I know that was hard but certainly what is best for you and those handsome little boys right now. You are destined for much bigger and better things! 
Michelle, that was a huge and brave decision. I so admire you for making what you know is the best decision, no matter how hard it is. The emotional work you are doing is staggering. You are such an inspiration.️
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I was trying to sort out which words to use. You did it for me! 
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After having a day shut in the bedroom because the husband wanted to do something with the boys on his own I’m having debates with my head. I’ve had the grovelling text which he is so good at and questioning myself yet again. I’ve been taking sedatives today to sleep through the day which is a pretty stupid state to be in, the husband has been sleeping on the sofa since I spoke to him, tonight the youngest snuck into my bed so it will be nice not to sleep on my own. Oh and the husband has hidden the bank card to stop me accessing any money 
the last thing he can control at the moment
Exiting the calm and entering the storm?
Yeah well it’s not going great, he’s pissed off because I want him to quit smoking weed and he doesn’t want to, super defensive tonight and when I try and talk he just keeps repeating shut up I’m not talking anymore. Just can’t seem to get through to him that I love him but the situation we’re in isn’t enough and I want better. I’m trying to keep in mind that he’s hurting too
I feel for you Michelle. You are in a very difficult situation. I am amazed at your strength of character.
These things can very easily go crazy. Do you have an escape plan just in case things get hairy? I’m thinking of you and sending you strength girl.
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Yeah, what a frustrating situation. It sounds like you’ve given him tons and tons of opportunity and patience to come around, and now that it’s time to try something different he’s still not ready to deal with things. Do you think he does hear that you love him and he’s just not ready to be done being defensive, or is it more that he interprets everything as an attack?
I know dealing with this sucks and it’s going to for a bit, but that doesn’t mean I can’t wish you small happy moments in between it all and hope for a good end result
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Yes I have a safety plan in place, had to really, my friend is an emergency place of safety she and her husband have been DBS checked by social care and cleared, I have an emergency out of hours number for social care, can contact GDASS and as a last resort I can go to Wales or phone the police to remove my husband from the house. We were going to separate last year and almost went through, the bank account that was joined was signed into my name, the house was signed over and I even went to a solicitor.
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I’m pretty sure he sees it as an attack right now,
Hey lady, I don’t know how I missed this update from you. Sending you lots of .
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Thanks hun, I had to phone social care today, advised what is going on and that my husband wants a recommendation as to who the boys should reside with. Reply came as they would not give any recommendation as we need to sort this out ourselves. They also stated there is no legal reason why the boys can’t reside with me as the house is in my name and my husband needs to seek alternative accommodation that is suitable. I can have him removed from the property by the police if he causes problems or refuses to leave. We will both have to have a risk assessment done and also our support network will be taken into account which is fine by me as all the support comes from my family, friends and interacting with services.
I’ve told the husband, I’ve had a hot bath and in my pj’s looking to be in bed before midnight 
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I marvel at your strength and determination for a better life for you and your boys 
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For me I feel like the war is just beginning in this chapter, although I feel stronger than I did a few weeks ago wondering if I had enough left in me to take this on, I suppose that is why I decided to go to AA after 5 months, it’s been great although I did swap numbers with a lady there from alcohol services and I swear she is still drinking and now she keeps calling and texting me 
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