@Marisim Sorry to hear you still aren’t feeling better!!
@AnonymousD I’m so glad you didn’t break anything!! (except your phone)
@Sunsw686 I guess it’s an acquired taste. Lol. I wasn’t a fan. And yes! The habit of pouring a drink every night is half the struggle. If I can get past 7:00, I know I’m good for the night.
So, a question for all:
After reading day 1, I wondered if you would want to share a couple of your “reasons to drink” and a couple of your “reasons to stop”.
For me, reasons I did was to 1) relax, and 2) numb myself to how annoying the kids were becoming and make the evening pass quicker
My reasons to stop are 1) I am so tired of being tired all the time, alcohol affects my sleep in the worst way and 2) to feel alive again. I was so numb I couldn’t feel hardly anything
hey loves. I think you are better of without me. got hit the wall 2 times trying to reach out to some of you. I do not feel I have anything to add to you and you do not need me. I should never have opended up. that usually leads no good. But trust me, I am a super sweet lady with good intentions. I was just bullied a lot so have no social skills anymore I guess… it is just that i do not know how to make friends. and hope hurts moren than being alone. go good you all!!! you are troopers.
Maria, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m curious whether the nature of an online community where people are in different time zones makes it hard to keep up? Or whether you had specific interactions that felt like a wall was put up. I’m confused, but it’s also not for me to understand, because you have every right to feel how you feel. I hope that this doesn’t mean you are leaving the Talking Sober forums entirely, because I believe there is a lot of support out there and a place to turn when things get hard to deal with. I wish you the best regardless, you deserve health, happiness and comfort.
You said before:
So now we are angry together… and it helps me that I am not alone in this.
You are not alone, Maria. I do know it is easier sometimes to isolate, and especially when you’re an empath, though I can only imagine seeing as I’ve just got minor sensitivities in that area, nothing like you’ve described. But in the long run it’s so much harder to keep going alone. If this group/thread isn’t working for you, I encourage you to participate in the main threads, just don’t give up. I’ll be thinking about you and am here to talk if you would like.
@Maria No! We are not better off without you! Please stay with us and let’s help each other recover! I mean, us being spread across the world makes it so staying in touch is difficult sometimes. Do you have what’s app? We can communicate through there without delay.
Reasons to drink: 1) To numb emotions and “feel better,” especially anxiety, worries, sadness, etc.; 2) To ease boredom and because it was a habit - it seemed to make whatever I was doing seem more “interesting.” That sounds ridiculous now…
Reasons not to drink: 1) Because I want to genuinely feel good/happy/fulfilled; 2) I want to regain my sense of self and self-confidence, which is all but dissolved
I definitely get the boredom drinking. I think that was a huge habit for me. Just passing time between dinner and kids bedtime. And I totally lost myself too. I had no idea who I had become.
And same here for the sleep and rest aspect. Sleep is so important, and I’ve struggled with insomnia since I was a kid, so I really don’t need a substance making things even worse.
@Maria
Did you change your mind? I seriously hope you do!
Hi everyone,
Sorry for checking in so late. We have the Corona crisis over here, schools, universities, theaters are closed, people are shopping like crazy. The shelves are getting empty and I had to go to three different stores to get toilet paper .
I am not leaving. Absolutely not. just feel really unworthy i guess. My frustration in life. I have so much to offer but got so insecure over last years that I really cry in the street when i pass someone. want to curl up in a corner so I do not bother. (can you imagine I was a manger at a media company standing before groups etc) I read and contemplate. TS is the only contact I have with outside world at moment.
Glad you’re here. I can relate - I’ve definitely cried in public or in my car when I’ve seen happy moments and felt so alone and disconnected from the world. I’m trying really hard to reframe my thinking and find ways to experience joy vicariously through others, as well as understand that we really don’t know what is going on with those we encounter along the way, and especially now in our struggles we need to focus on ourselves, our well being, and our steps forward in sobriety. That’s my perspective.
The Alcohol Experiment, Day 2: I read it last night and we have already talked some about what we hope to gain as opposed to what we lose by stopping using. That was a main point in this chapter but what I got the most out of it was the discussion of rephrasing our words to focus on the positive, both the words that come out of our mouths and the words we use in our internal dialogue. I want to try really hard to do this, because I find myself getting stuck in the “I can’t drink” cycle in my head. It doesn’t feel good. So instead what can we say? The book suggests responding to the question, “do you want a drink,” with, “sure, I’d love a…” non-alcoholic drink of choice. I love this!
Annie Grace says, “When you think about alcohol, do you feel sorry for yourself and tell yourself you are not able to drink? Or do you feel excited about the challenge and tell yourself you don’t HAVE to drink - and don’t have to wake up with another hangover? How are you treating yourself internally? Are the things you are saying to yourself generally helpful or hurtful?”
Perhaps we can each think about this and come up with one negative statement we have said to ourselves or about ourselves and how we could reframe that into a positive.
As I read day 2 today, something a therapist told me came back to mind. Instead of making everything so negative by using the words such as “should, have to, can’t” we can choose to use words that make things a little less hard… like "I choose not to drink today because I know that in the morning, I will feel proud of myself " or “today I choose a soda over a beer because I want to be present and aware in life”. By making our thoughts choice oriented we take a lot of pressure off ourselves and things aren’t so negative inside our heads.
@Maria Sending a hug to you!! I know it’s really hard to function with those feelings. I have had the lowest self esteem and confidence for the past three years. So bad that I always choose to stay home instead of going out because I didn’t want people to see me. And when I did have to go out, I was hiding, big baggy clothes, head down, dodging people. Hang in there. My confidence is slowly returning. I hope as you stay on this sober journey yours will too. How did the sunshade turn out?!
@Marisim Sorry to hear this!! Have you been drinking more caffeine than normal? And have you tried melatonin yet?
I know how important a good night’s sleep is. When I was drinking ineould only get about 3-4 hours a night. I was a living zombie for a couple years. I was too stupid to give up the alcohol though.
.