I´m back.
I had my last drink 27 hours ago. After four days behaving horribly.
There were two major triggers for my relapse.
Number One: due to the Corona virus i have to work from home, we´re not supposed to meet family and friends, the government says you should stay at home for the exceptions of grocery shopping or walking my dog.
When I started on February 29th I started more social activties to distract my self and spending very little time at home. When I learned about those drastic measurements, which I totally get, I felt every coping mechanisms so far are about to vanish. So much time being alone being with my destructive internal dialogue.
Trigger number two; I made it 12 days in a row and I started thinking, thats not much, so much more time needed,
This time I will concentrate on reality, which is one day at a time,
I missed out a lot on this group and I want to apologize,
So glad to hear from you! Don’t apologize - a couple of us stumbled but it’s important we keep talking. Thank you for your honesty - being real with ourselves and each other is so important!
Thanks for your support! 32 hours… Check!
But I’ve got to be honest, I’m really afraid about tomorrow. @Journey1
Yeah working from home is a big challenge, so good luck to you!
I don’t know why you are worried about tomorrow, but, if we live one day at a time just getting through each moment by doing the next right thing then we can learn to face life on life’s terms.
If we start to worry about tomorrow then anxiety takes over and it all goes down hill from there.
Just stay in now!
Ouuch alot has been having problems. So sorry to read all of you who have relapsed and struggled. Because of coronavirus I havent been able to get a functional phone before now. So everyone get back on the horse and stay strong. This world is caos at the moment. But lets give this ago and try to focus on whats best for us and our loved ones. I havent been stuggleling much lately since all of my thoughts have been on preparing for the lock down of our country, so making sure having enough grocery and so on has been on my mind. Also been focusing alot on my parents who is sailing around the world and is stranded in Puerto Rico… If anyone wants to catch up on whats app, im good for that tomorrow. And please write - its lovely to back online you have for sure been missed - much love and caring húgs for all of you remember one day at a time. Lets shake all of this guilt and shame of your shouders
Forced to stay at home and create a new daily structure is a hard thing for me. That´s something i need to learn, like working on my computer on my dining table instead of my office
13 days ! Went to dinner with the girls while the guys played poker. Everyone had 2 margaritas. I had 2 soda and cranberries. One person noticed and I didn’t have the courage to say I quit
I just said cutting back.
Well, that didnt go as planned. Had 2/3 of a bottle of wine last night. Reset my clock. Now this is getting stupid… I’m disappointed in myself - for some reason this one hit harder. But I woke up feeling super determined and committed to getting back on the bus. Especially with everything going on in the world - I want to have my wits among myself and know that if I drink the anxiety will creep in even more easily. Thanks for being my community and safe place for venting!
Y’all are on my mind. Hang in there, people! Today I’m taking a technology break and going on a long walk outside before we get hit by several days of rain and gloom. Sending
Day 2…Check.
But I don’t feel proud, I feel pissed and hopeless and in fear about tomorrow’s feelings, I try to focus on the moment, but I’m so angry with me for even putting myself in a position, where every afternoon feels like being eaten alive.
12 days sober and now 2 extra more. Still I feel like a big fat failure.
I’ve had a calorie intake of only about 1.000 and walked for two straight hours. Not even that gives me any positive feeling about myself today.
crazy world uncertain times. hope everything with your parents works out and they are safe. @Journey1, seems like it was just creeping up on you, day one again. but we only have today. 19 people died in our small country today from the virus. everybody is getting like quiet… I should be worried because of my health but somehow I feel more as living in a dream. @RosaCanDo hope you enjoyed the walk and day outside.
Everbody have a night with a bit of grace and peace towards yourself. stay safe and healthy
I am really struggling. We picked up work for my older kids. It’s a whole other learning experience with these new apps we are supposed to use to access and turn in work. And my 1st grader has WAY more work than my kinder. And the almost 3 yr old wants to do work too but the app I got for her to play around on doesn’t keep her entertained. I am very near breaking point. Crying over not being able to get an app to work to get my daughters school work turned in. My son tells and screams because he doesn’t want to do his school work. My youngest runs around screaming at the top of her lungs just because.
I’m tired but couldn’t sleep today at naptime. More and more things are closing here. I’m trying not to let the media get to me but I am finding very little bright spots in my days.
