No in person, it is a a complex situation. my family of addcted people versus sober ones 
Thing is, I was always the strong one and no one wants to see me other ways. he told me even. I look good and strong so cannot be sick. it makes me angry, loneley and jealous of people that dp not have to battle things alone. with only a little help I would be able to keep my dog. butā¦ not their responsibility. only mine. i have e neuromuscular auto immune disease that is progressive. so even though the dog is great and my only friend. after 5 weeks now I have gotten sooooo much worse because the walking is to hard. Had to give up teaching yoga, (which is my income) can not clean the house or wash clothes or bedā¦ all energy goes to dog. And I know that is a situation that simply cannot last. I keep hoping for something to changeā¦ but every day gets harder of course to decide to say good bye to her. I have to take responsibility for my healt, for the first time in my life. I would always to others over me. and that is a form of manipulation aswell. hope you had a good day?
@SoulSearcher so good to hear from you!! stay strong power mom
@Marisimā¦ hope you feel better soon with the flu.
i understand it can be hard to be seen that way and when you are viewed as the strong person nobody would help. Okay i see that with the dog dear its just so on fair. Isnt it possible to get any medication for your sickness, so it doesnt get this bad and you can be able to keep your dog? Its just so Hard to give a dog up that already means that much to you i can only imagine how that must be 
i feel for you and hope you stay strong!
How are you all doing ?
Tomorrow I will start over again. For the last to days Iāve been relapsing. I had a lot of panic attacks, plus my flu, the whole situation so I gave in.
Tomorrowās gonna be a new start. Iām not ashamed of what I did but itās extremely hard telling you guys . I have to stand by my actions and take full responsibility.
I
We can do it together! Call me anytime. day 1 for me today. Homeschooling has gone a lot better this morning and I feel the stress level is low. I feel good about today. I am going to pick that darn book up again and start reading it. Lol
i see some good strong will. turn that will to will power as im trying to do
ill have 24 hours at 3pm
i have to use the will to work out my sober mussles and gain that power to stand up to myself when a drink or substance is comming up on me, near, or here. i have to learn how to say no to myself
So glad to hear things are going better @SoulSearcher! I bet thatās a huge relief. Today is the first day itās actually felt like spring and I am realizing how much our long winters take a toll on me. Things are looking up!
@RosaCanDo @Marisim @SoulSearcher and @anon43625156
Good to hear from all of you and the things are easing for you. Im still sober end of day 6. Not happy at all. Im sad and anxious. Today used the day to sleep and cry. Bf at work so im just me
i hope you feel better soon
6 days is a huge accomplishment
why are you crying
: (
6 days are amazing!
Cry as much as you need to, big hugs
Im just anxious and scared of being left. And the last few days since i got sober i have just had a hard time thinking positive
dont be scared
be brave and HAVE FUN
guys love confadence!!
on the other subject
what are you struggling with thats difficult
Yes guys do, but I have never had that.
I have an anxeity which has always been being affraid of get left or that people dies. It is more than ever hard to deal with. With my addiction I have lost so many people and only have very few left. The anxeity for loosing them is therefore extremely increased, because i already lost so many to my addiction.
Thank you. Love you tooā¦ How are you doing?
Thank you so much for sharing this if i may ask have he got his trust back in you ? After yoy have shown him your actions? Im not sure i would have stayed either. I just become such a monster and i cant recognize myself when im like that and im sure he feels the same. And i know for sure my family cant recognize me either and that is just such a horrible feeling. I really hope i one day can get my confidence back and learn to like myself. But i can only take it day by day
So āhappyā to Know im not alone, dont get me wrong i dont wish for others to be feeling like that. But its very nice to know it can change with constant work and sobriety. Thanks alot for showing me the way
How are you guys
Day 9.
Oh well so i have some feelings/ emotions /thoughts to share today.
Okay so here it goes:
Why do i even do this. Nobody trust me anymore and nobody believe in me anymore. I have lost tons of people. Even my parents has pushed me away. Or at least thats what i think/ feel. They dont call really, but pick up their phone when i call. Mum says she loves me every time we hang up. Havent spoke with my dad since before last relapse. Kind of miss him alot we used to talk about Everything. So was this it has i really lost them to. Why even do this or fight for this when you have a feeling that their will be another relapse. When nobody believes me and i hardly believe myself whats its worth?
Well i know part of the answer is you feel better sober, you are more healthy sober, but why does sober then feel so shitty.
I have similar hang ups about pleasing my parents, making them proud, and it is hard to manage! I have felt a lot of pain over it through the years. I think that being older (Iām 38) has put things in perspective, as well as having a fairly open relationship with them with lots of communication. I hid a lot of my problems from them until it blew up to a crisis point, and not just related to booze. I had to learn the lesson over and over that my parents love me, want me to be happy, but they canāt make me happy or do the thing called life for me, either. I had to take the reins and love myself enough (no matter how painful and shameful it felt) to take the actions that would eventually SHOW them that I was doing my best, ask for specific things that they could do to support me that showed I had thought it through instead of expecting them to āsave meā and give them regular updates of what Iāve succeeded in doing, what Iām still struggling with, and what my next steps for supporting my sobriety and wellness looked like. Thatās basically what helped me to heal my relationship with my loved ones, especially my husband and my parents. You absolutely can do this! You donāt have to do what I did, but maybe my story can help give you some ideas. I also was afraid to talk to my dad, we have also been close and I looked up to him a lot. He and I are also a lot alike and he knew more about my struggles than I thought. I hope this helps.