Before I begin my mind dump: Merry Christmas, everyone! Hope the holiday is finding everyone well!
Christmas with my family is usually just a day-long pajama party of gifts, etc with booze all day. Mimosas, bloody Maryâs, beers, spiked punch, eggnog & rum, wine and nightcapsâŚseriously all of those things - its pretty exhausting!
This is my first sober Christmas since childhood, which is pretty crazy in itself. But whatâs more, instead of avoiding and dodging people and drinks like I thought Iâd have to, I redirected things in a senseâŚI played bartender all day. It was strange. Honestly I felt some missing out early in the day but as I progressively watched my relatives get sloppy (My doing, should I feel bad if they wanted it?), I felt happy that I had my shit together to remember the holiday and get things done (cleaning & cooking). So the craving aspect kind of fizzled out on its own for the dayâŚGuess I just kind of found it to be ironic lol.
Iâve hit a wall though. I guess I feel invisible (which is one of the biggest motivations to drink when I was younger). Iâm running around making things run smooth-ish, filling and cleaning up spilled drinks and I feelâŚmad. Resentful. Lots of things come up when we make the choice to be present and feel, just wasnât expecting to be overwhelmed so suddenly.
I guess I donât really have a point or question for this post. Just feeling alllllllllll the feels this Christmas. Itâs nice to be sober, but it feels lonely. I know I donât want to spend any more of my holidays without remembering them, but I donât feel surrounded by people who want the same things. Family stuff, right?
I guess if anything, Iâm feeling grateful for you guys! That we have this safe space to come to time and time again, especially in those times of need Cheers from my mocktail to yours! Xoxo
Haha that sounds like a good time, I get the social aspect but remember youâre going to wake up refreshed and clear headed tomorrow. Awesome feeling! Have fun!
I was the same as you today. I cooked and baked all day. Cleaned up from the 14 people we had and I am sitting here sober and surprisingly rested. They was a brief moment of wanting to drink, but I knew it was just addict brain kicking in for the habit of past holiday drinkin. Very glad you made it through the holiday since I knew you were a bit nervous of the reaction of your family. Great that you found a way threw this day! Congratulations to everyone for making it threw today!!!
I think if you added socialization with other sober people, it would help those feelings. Do you go to AA? Highly recommend it. The reason they drove you crazy is because youâre walking a different path AND drunk people are annoying and boring (we were them once). All these feelings are normal and show progress. Youâre not the same person you were.
Yes @Melrm drunk people are boring and annoying! Lol @Mckristin you described my day today. Thank you for sharing. So comforting to know others are going through the exact same thing. Had to kick my brother out. When Iâm drinking, I can go all night, but when Iâm sober I get tired at normal non-drinking times. My brother was still going at 9. I was like, finish that drink and merry Christmas (get the f out!).
âMerry Christmas (get the f out)â hilarious lol I felt the same way when I went with my brothers to a house party. They started taking shot after shot after shot and I was there drinking cranberry juice. The more they drank, the more non sense they talked and it was a bit annoying. I had to drag them out of the party and into my car and I was like âget the f in my car and go to sleep! No, we are not going to del taco!â
Iâm still struggling with being aware of everything. It almost feels like Iâm a new person and Iâm learning more and more about this sober person in me. If someone hurt my feelings or made me mad, I would turn to liquor. That was the easy way to deal with things, but now Iâm left alone with my emotions and I donât know what to do with them yet. I still think about drinking sometimes, but I never do. I also feel alone sometimes, but there are more times that I feel alive. Itâs an emotional roller coaster my friendâŚ
Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone for your words! Sorry for the late reply, had to wrap up holiday visits, etc. Iâm so happy we made it through ChristmasâŚsometimes we make things out to be scarier than they are (donât get me wrong, this can be scary for sure), but Iâm glad to have still shown up for myself, despite the fear. We should probably all feel badass about our strengths - if we can survive Christmas, New Years wonât be so bad, maybe! Hope everyone is having a good week so far!
Oh I can relate. Weâve used alcohol as a way to disconnect from whatâs going on around us so being sober it is right there in front of us in all itâs glory. It can be a bit depressing. Not so much because we want to be a part of it but because we canât believe we once were.
Hope the holiday is finding everyone well!
), I felt happy that I had my shit together to remember the holiday and get things done (cleaning & cooking). So the craving aspect kind of fizzled out on its own for the dayâŚGuess I just kind of found it to be ironic lol.
