I made it!!!
I can’t think of where to start to describe this. It’s a mix of bittersweet and hopeful.
The irony of my 1 year celebration.
This year was a leap year, and mentally, I cant accept a full year until I hit that physical date. August 23.
Soo here’s to 366 days! 
The bittersweetness comes from the thought of ‘I’m so glad I made it, and it’s not like the other times where relapsing was my only concern’ then there’s the bitterness where I can’t believe I let that guy(drinking me) take over for more than 10 years.
Now, being hopeful is such a good topic.
After achieving a full year without a single drop of any alcohol I’ve realized one, super simple but most important thing…
I am not the person that everyone knows of.
What I mean by that is ever since I was 456,7ish, I started to accumulate quite a few trama responses without knowing so.
Fast forward to today and I’ve realized my mama, my BFF, my ride or die, was one of (if not THE) most unhealthy person for any type of sobriety I was going to attempt. Or I communicate to my fiancée pretty straight forward and what, to me, appears to just be me stating something, sometimes comes out sideways. All because I was never raised. I was self-taught through what I witnessed daily or was a victim of.
But for today, my fiancée understands when I say something sideways as fuck and cut myself off and describe, no I really meant this entirely other angle of the topic…She doesn’t say a single mean or frustrated word. And I’m telling you right now, I KNOOWWWW I’ll be pissing her the fuck out every once in a while with my mental ass. But she saw that little bit of the honest, real me and took a chance. That woman helped me, like genuinely saved me, because she saw that good in me.
And now, I have a chance not to be an absent drunk father to my daughters. Or…a dead one…one year ago today I was in the hospital because I started having seizures. My body had enough. I was 31, and I had 10 years of solid everyday drinking. The past 3 years were strictly “gut-rot” vodka. On average 1.5-2 fifths a day.
Guys…I’m 5"5" with boots on and 140…with boots on
9 days total, I was there. Roughly 10 grand mal seizures. Freaked the fuck out of the ol lady but she’s a trooper man. It was a real turning point, but I couldn’t keep trying the same route, KNOWING DAMM WELL it always has that one drunk guy(me) giving directions to chaos.
That’s about all I have really for right now because I’m ready to post this and start talking with you all.
I have that goofy giddy feeling where I just want to chit chat the night away because of how happy I am.
If you read ALL THE WAY TO HERE, wow. Thank you. I mean that so much too. I don’t have anyone except my ol lady to hear me out and I don’t want to weigh her down with ALL of my stuff, so this has been surprisingly satisfying.
Don’t hesitate, shoot me a message! 
