Awww I love her 
Re: your reply above, about 2 key things you perceive in AA: the question of “God” and the hesitancy to concede that alcohol is not in your life (and you need to commit to keeping it out).
God is many things to many people. It’s fruitful to unpack that feeling because it raises insightful questions: what about the idea of “God” makes you nervous? Or is it something about the imperfect perceptions we humans have of “God” that is unsettling? Or… there is so much about the idea of “God” or a higher power & purpose that actually tells us a great deal about our sense of self, if we reflect on it.
But recovery is ultimately about sustained recovery, so if it’s just that concept that throws you there are many other recovery programs with different philosophies:
Resources for our recovery
The second question - joining AA feels to you like giving it up for good - is something only you, ultimately, can unpack for yourself. But I’ll chime in here and say it sounds a lot like that self-absorbed “addict brain” that every single one of us here on TS knows well. It’s the part of us that rationalizes and justifies and dodges and evades. It’s a pro at that. Then we say, “But no! Not now.” And for the first little bit he settles. Then he starts whispering in our ear, and we get creative with our justifications and evasions.
That voice is pride. She says I am what I am and I want what I want and I don’t answer to nobody. She doesn’t care that we have to answer to our sense of self-respect, our sense that we are a person who can and does follow through when we say, “I will do this,” and then actually does it.
If you know alcohol’s out, if you’re bot having the drink that matters - the first drink - then not drinking isn’t an issue, right? 