I hear you Jenn. It’s been tough 
See if you cab find some local meetings that are operating. AA (www.AA.org is one option; there are others as well:
Resources for our recovery
I’m sure you’ll find what you need. Search, search, search, keep looking, never stop trying - you will find what you need.
You’re a good person who’s gotten lost. It happened by accident and you didn’t intend for this to happen. You’re not alone: this problem has happened to many thousands of people before you. It doesn’t make you a bad person, or a failure. It makes you a person who’s a little lost and is looking to find her way home.
You will find your way home Jenn. Never give up and never stop searching. You’ll find what you need 