Thanks for sharing your experience with me last night. It truly helped out. I had to wait up so late because the plant went down so he stayed over. Running on 4 hours of sleep but it was worth it to not start the day mad at each other.
4 Likes
Long night last night. A lot of things were aired out. Some things I’ve known about other are things he has put in his bottle and not told me about it. He is still angry about shady and is still blaming me for putting him down. I know I did right but I still have guilt and I feel like he will always blame me for putting his dog down. He says he can’t be himself at home. Says he is more comfortable at work but I tried to explain at work he is with a bunch of dudes working hard and joking around. I’m a woman and some of his dude jokes I don’t find funny but honestly he has his right to be mad or feel how he is feeling but like Matt said I have to keep my path. I just wish he would go to therapy. I think I want to bring up marriage counseling again. I think it would help so much. He says I twist his words and make everything his fault but I think it’s a breakdown in our communication.
Anyways. Sleepy but sober today and working some overtime cause I’m trying to save up for something. I just haven’t decided what. I want to get a new tat but I also really want a treadmill lol
5 Likes
You’re welcome friend. I’m glad my words were able to help you get through this issue with your husband. And sorry you didn’t get much sleep
1 Like
He’s hurt. He feels hurt. He’s taking it out on you, which is unfair, and you have a right to calmly and clearly say, “You feel hurt and you are taking it out on me. You need to work through this yourself though. I’m here to support you in helpful ways, but I am not a punching bag for you.” It’s a statement of boundaries and I think it’s fair; it certainly keeps you clear and with any luck he’ll see it too.
Take care Jenn and be in your day today. Get your workout, cook your food, savour your moments. Today is your day.
4 Likes
That’s great that you were able to get things off your chest and that’s all that matters. You said what you had to and he said some stuff too. Try not to let him bring you down with him blaming you for things. Just keep moving forward and keep doing you. A treadmill will be amazing to have lol. Good job though I’m proud of you for getting what you had out in the open so he knew where you stood with what was going on
3 Likes
I invested in myself! I have always got the cheap $20 headphones but they broke a few weeks ago so I’ve been going without music. Which is a good idea for my morning runs but for my longer runs I just need music. Anyways, these are suppose to be awesome and sit outside the ear so I can sill hear my surroundings. I’m excited to try them out for my long run tomorrow.
I worked most of the day even though I didn’t mean to. Then I had to take a nap because I had the worst dang headache. Taking it easy the rest of the day cause my head is just killing me. I’ve taken some ibuprofen and just wishing it would kick in.
Hope everyone is well and had a decent day
3 Likes
Today on my run I was thinking of my higher power. I have been putting this off for 7 months. I have a very rocky relationship with “god” at best. I stopped going to church at 13 and have many times said I’m an atheist. I’m not here for a debate but a man in the sky is about the same to me as the tooth fairy. When my mom was taken I denounced god completely. He took the one parent/person that was there for me through anything and everything. That always picked me up when I fell. Why? Why would a god that is suppose to love his children put one through so much pain. I understand through suffering comes growth. It’s not that I don’t understand religion or god it’s that I hate him. So while I still have a rocky idea of god. I’ll give him that he took my mom so that I would have a higher power.
She is my higher power. I will surrender all problems to the person who always was there for them.
5 Likes
That was deep but I get it cause I’ve lost a stepdad and my bio dad at a very young age, I believe in god but I was never really a church going person. Even now as an adult I’ll go to church but it’s not something I do all the time. But during this last year and a half I have got into listing to Christian music. Pretty much my entire life I listened to was mainly hip hop/rap music but now I prefer listing to Christian music when I’m at the gym or in the car. Got off topic but surrendering your problems to s on own greater than you is always the best part of recovery. Thanks for sharing friend and I hope you know you’re doing awesome.
3 Likes
Sounds good! You’ve shared about your mom before: to me, it feels like she embodies what you think you can be, when you are your highest self. I get the sense that you look up to her and want to develop those qualities in yourself. If that’s not a higher power I don’t know what is 
3 Likes
I’m so excited for today. 1 of my friends moved to West Texas a year before we moved to NM and she is coming to see me today! I go and see her pretty often but we are going to the Carlsbad caverns today and I haven’t been yet. I’m excited to have a girl day exploring caves
4 Likes
Have a ton of fun today! Congrats on 7 months.
1 Like
I think I have decided my next big thing I want to work towards. I’m still working on my half marathon distance but after yesterday and the beauty I found in that cavern. I want to hike the Guadalupe ridge. It might be next year since I have to learn a lot. I’ve never camped and it’s 100 miles across the ridge so this is going to take some planning.
3 Likes
Wow Jenn that is exciting! You’re like Reese Witherspoon in Wild:
I’ve done a lot of canoe camping, backcountry in canoes and tents, but Guadelupe Ridge is a bit of a different setting; trail / hiking camping is a different experience.
I have done some trail hiking. The Scout motto - “Be Prepared” - is important. You need to do your research and be prepared; a lot happens on the trails that in a city would be easy to handle but out there is much more of a hassle.
Pack light. You’re carrying everything with you. Invest in a good bag: it will be your greatest friend
Take a first aid course before you go and pack a first aid kit.
There are risks to hiking alone. It’s not impossible and is certainly an achievement and a memorable experience. But be conscious of these risks before you go, and be sure you’re prepared.
I don’t know what the cell reception is like, but if you can have something with you just in case that is always nice.
And have fun Jenn. Have fun. You’re spreading your wings and going out on an adventure! This is awesome
Send pictures to us!
1 Like
Thank you for all those tips! I suppose camping is different than hiking the trail. I just know it will take me multiple days so camping skills would be valuable. I haven’t even talked to the hubs about it yet. I might be able to get him to go with me. fingers crossed
I’ve have to watch that movie. I’m not sure I’ve seen it.
How are you?
2 Likes
Good! Currently enjoying an evening walk post-dinner:
Feeling a bit overwhelmed lately because there’s a few big things happening at work so I feel like I’m drinking from a fire hose. But I’ll be ok, I just need to keep my focus on the basics - healthy food, healthy living (more or less - and keep in mind, red velvet cake is healthy for the soul), being accepting on my feelings, letting them flow - and eventually things will settle back. This is a growth period; I’m growing
I assumed you meant you’d be camping along the trail as you hiked. Is that your plan? Maybe 5-6 days or so?
1 Like
Looks very peaceful out there. Swimming through work. I feel that so much. We just had a person quit. I know of another that is about to quit and a 3rd that just had an interview. Last week I worked 55 hours and my norm is no more than 40.
Yea that was my starting plan. And literally as far as I have gotten 
I’ll be going to the library on Monday when I’m off to get some books. Hoping to find some on the ridge itself and then like some survival tip guides or something I can learn from
2 Likes
Great! This is fun. I always love the planning stage on a camping trip: maps, estimating time, planning which sights you’ll see, planning your menu, etc etc - it’s like being your own tour guide
Keep us posted!
1 Like
@Matt I just wanted to say thank you and tell you how much I appreciate your perceptive. Thank you for helping me grow as a person. I don’t think I’d be this far in being sober without you
I messaged my dad today to see how he is doing. He tells me he is ok and still having a bit of trouble but is up and about. And that’s it. He never ask how I am, how my dogs are, how my husband is or anything of the sort. My brain instantly went to this morning. I sent the hubs a message and asked how his night shift was and he told me but didn’t ask how I slept (which why would he really. It’s sleep lol). I almost took out my angry about my dad on my husband because of a small similar aspect. But I remembered something you wrote here about your wife and her dad and it stopped me in my tracks.
2 Likes
I’m glad you pressed “pause” in time It’s nice to be able to see the response but not be driven by it.
Thank you for your kind words. I’m happy to hear them - I like that feeling of being helpful
I’m sorry to hear you have a feeling of neglect from these key men in your life. It hurts to feel unimportant to someone so important to you. (That doesn’t mean you are unimportant to them, and I don’t honestly believe they see you as unimportant, but there is definitely something that could grow in the noticing & connecting.)
I found for myself it wasn’t until I started working on understanding and supporting my healthy self, that I started to be more communicative and proactive in building up the mutual emotional recognition and connection in my marriage. Maybe your husband will come to that realization eventually?
At the same time, though, you can’t put your well being and your self-evaluation & recognition in the hands of another person. (Obviously he’s your husband and cares about you but that’s not the same as him defining your worth or recognition.) And that’s what I think is so cool about you developing your own projects and adventures in camping, hiking, travelling, and fitness challenges.
You’re a worthy person who deserves your full measure of life, in its full richness. You deserve to see and explore everything your life and your adventure can be. And you have the courage and the determination to do that.
Thanks for sharing with us Jenn. Hoping you have a peaceful weekend
1 Like
Mentally exhausted today. Having a really rough time at work. We are “on boarding” 13 new nursing homes. Which means processing thousands of medicines for patients to prepare to be their new pharmacy. They start in a few weeks. Tomorrow I will finish my 2 weeks with over a hundred hours because I’ve been logging in early and worked that extra shift last weekend. We just had a few people quit and another is about to. I started here a long time ago and I have watched us grow from 2 locations to 3 and about to have a possible 4th and we service a few hundred homes in Texas at least my dept. The pharmacy I work for is big so we span multiple states. Sometimes it just feels like I’m drowning when I’m at work. Of course it doesn’t always feel like way but I’ve worked here over 7 years and I can tell we are about to have a very rough patch.
Oh and my friend from way back is having to move her and her girls to her dads today because her husband won’t stop drinking to excess and is being verbally abusable to everyone in the household. She is safe for now and this weekend but I worry for her safety when morning comes and she has to be in town for work.
2 Likes