I guess the hubs thought I would wake up today and we would just move on like it has been but I’m tired of it. I’m tired of the merry go round of bad communication that leads to an argument and then we don’t talk for x amount of time and then just move on with life. I told him I want marriage counseling. He agreed. Now i don’t know if he agreed just to appease me or if he is really willing to go with me. I’m looking for someone but for some reason all the counseling people want to do over the phone sessions but that won’t work. I’m sure it does for others I just know he really won’t go if it’s on the phone. I’m gonna hunt one down though. My run was really good and work was also nice. I feel accomplished today.
Random but we are getting so much rain here and the mosquitos are eating me alive. They are even getting in the house so Benadryl cream is my best friend right now. Not sure how I feel about having bug spray on all the time.
Jen I’m glad you’re back on your feet. Running and you did the push-ups. Exciting thinking about hikes. I don’t know if you are on Facebook or not. What I do know is I am on a bunch of hiking sites that I love. For areas that I have been or might want to be. The sites are very helpful for people planning hiking trips. 1 hour to 1 year, etcetera.
Plus it’s just good reading in general. Relaxing, interesting, lots of knowledge.
I haven’t looked but there might be one called hiking New Mexico.
Thinking about you with all your other stuff going on.
Good! This is great. My wife & I get marriage counselling regularly; have been for years. We get it whenever one of us thinks we need a tune-up. It’s usually when we feel really stuck on something. Having that external perspective really makes a difference - it helps you find a way through.
Thank you! I found an app call all trails and you can put in your city and it will display all the trails near and has maps and info. It’s really cool! I didn’t think to check fb groups though. That’s a good idea!
I found out my work is changing insurance companies but once that happens they offer 3 free in person speaking appointments. I know it will take more than that but it’s a start. I mentioned it again yesterday and he didn’t respond much which makes me think he only agreed to shut me up. I’m still gonna find one and he is still gonna go 
We have to learn to communicate better or it isn’t going to work. Not with a sober me anyways.
Right now I’m floating away on clouds because of my PT session yesterday. The things I did i haven’t done in so long. It took me a minute to get my core prepared 
I finally feel like we are moving towards a release to the regular world of exercise. My shoulder is still stiff and sore sometimes but I remember with my knee it took forever for it to feel somewhat normal again. I ain’t worried about it though. It’s gonna be a great day 
That’s awesome! Happy about that PT success 
I did a thing! Ordered this the other day and was super excited but I’m wondering if I should have gotten a larger pack. I’m generally a light packer so not thinking of clothes as much as I was water. When I read 40 liters. I thought it held 40 liters of water
And would have room for other supplies….
I’m gonna take up backpacking so I’ll have to bring a large supply of water. I guess that’s just the main thing I’m worried about. This might just have to be my practice backpack. I’m planning a hike for next weekend 
This looks great! Actually this pack looks very functional. Not only is there the internal volume, but there is also the straps on the outside: you can roll supplies up and secure them on the outside with the straps.
Backpacks also have a waist strap which helps take weight off your shoulders. You can see them here:
That photo is from this cool site I just found which I suspect is right in line with your interests!
The waist straps are another place for knickknacks to hang
There are some hydration backpacks here:
https://www.rei.com/c/hiking-hydration-packs
Lots to explore!
Yay!! Thank you. I tried it on and I do like the waist straps. Those are nice. And it has a place I can strap my tent on. I think it will do for small hikes. I’m going to go to the website with my notebook! You have links for everything lol
Also I do think I want to start a backpack thread
That sounds great! I think many people would like it. There are lots of outdoorsy types here who’d love to hear about your adventures and maybe share some of their own
I am having a serious trigger day I guess. The whole day has been shit. I just got off work (11
Hours) no breaks. Days like this would be either a drink to congratulate myself for making it through the day or to drown out the memories. Everyone is always like just don’t stress about it but it’s not really that kind of situation. We have cutoffs throughout the day and when you are basically drowning in scripts it’s hard to make the cutoffs. Ugh. I’m not gonna drink it just really crossed my mind when I was turning the computer off. Still a little on my mind but I know it will pass. Hot damn though my work day was shit.
Those days are terrible. Just no time to catch your breath the whole day long and in the end, you’re just spent. Sorry to hear today was like that Jenn - that just sucks 
I’ve been having this nagging pain in my knee. Asked the Pt about it today while I was there and she suggested I take a break from running. Sigh. She also said it’s probably a weakness in my quad so hopefully that will get better once I’m released in the weight world. I’ve just been in a stressful place recently with work and the hubs and running has just been my place to let things go.
Have you ever tried water aerobic fitness classes? I used to teach them when I was in university and they are a brilliant workout with minimal impact. Could you explore those in your routine?
I’ve did a class before back in Texas but it was a long time ago. I wasn’t a huge fan but I also have the mindset that I feel like I need to be breaking a sweat to get a good workout. (I know that’s not the case) there is a recreation center down the way I’ll see if they offer something like that
Feeling alone today in general. I’m starting to wonder if I don’t like myself. Why else would feeling so lonely bother me? Shouldn’t I be ok with myself to feel alone. I know this is a running theme for me. I just don’t know what to do to change
The grass is always greener on the other side, as it were.
What I wouldn’t give to get away and be alone, just for one day. Sometimes I find when I start stewing in my current existence I begin to have a hyper focus of what’s making me unhappy and it begins to amplify and resentment starts to bubble up. I try to remember that my existence today, no matter how terrible it may seem, could change at anytime, and how knows, maybe I’ll be alone tomorrow and all my wildest dreams will come true. Staying resentful might make me miss the opportunity to be happy.
Long winded way of saying, hey, I kinda want what you got right now!
It’s a running theme for me too Jenn. You’re not alone.
I have asked the same questions about myself. I don’t have an easy answer. However I have noticed that as I work on my friendships (I’ve developed several over the last few years as I’ve worked my sobriety & my personal growth), I feel more involved and valued (mutually: by others of me, and myself valuing others).
I have coffees with people, barbecues, hikes; sometimes camping trips. Some of my friends are from my sobriety group here & we meet most weeks for breakfast outside McDonalds on Saturday mornings. Having those connections is something I look forward to.
Judging by what you said yesterday with all the stresses and while you are limited on activity while recovering it makes sense to me — I know whenever my activity is restricted it makes me feel lonely and I end up with resentment for myself.
I agree with @Matt about working on friendships but I think also forcing yourself to sit with feelings of loneliness can be good. Maybe if you have to back off on running, go for a long walk instead?