Ive decided to write this down as I’m so upset and horrified on how humans can treat others… Because for some people homeless people are scum, don’t deserve love and shown disgust not daily but hourly!
Just a normal Sunday and I decided I was going to get some stuff for me, food, beauty products, cleaning products and a new bit of technology… I walking around in a new pair of kicks, a new expensive hoodie and a decent coat to keep me warm. I’ve done my shopping I feel good that I can afford the stuff I have because I’m no longer having to pay out to people for the drugs of my choice.
I’m walking out of the shopping complex and there is a guy with a cup, he’s asking politely for change, some people are walking past and Tuting, some people are complaining of the smell and others are ignoring him.
I get close and I know the guy, I call over to him and ask if he’s okay, as always when your in active addiction, you don’t feed your body all your money goes on drugs, he’s hungry we go back to tescos, he gets told he’s not allowed in! Another judgement made, I go buy him some food and a bottle of liquid, I head upstairs and get some clothes for him… He’s waiting for me outside the shop with his head down avoiding contact with anyone and he apologises to me!
Told him to shut up, he takes the bags off me and is about to leave me and I can’t do it, I can’t let the guy walk away without offering him someplace to wash and get himself warmed up.
The look of complete shock over this gentleman’s face asking me all the way to mine are you sure?!? Of course I’m fucking sure!
He showers I stick his dirty clothes in the wash, he puts on the thermals, fresh boxers, socks, jeans, t-shirt and jumper I spent at tops £30… I make up a flask of hot tea, I make him a coffee, you know he wouldn’t even sit on the sofa, saying its been months of just sitting on the street! I am at this point making soup and bread for us and I’m holding back my fucking tears as I know that this was and could still be me! The active addiction crippling this kind person, I make him eat the food, you can tell his not eaten for fucking ages, get him a second bowl and we just talk… Before he leaves I can see it on his face, he’s on the verge of asking for money! He asked and I said no and that I was sorry I couldn’t help in that part… He apologised for asking and I know he meant it as I know so well even when you don’t want to you are compelled to ask because your addiction needs it!
I see him out of my flat, I’ve just cleaned the bathroom and I’ve just had a cry to myself because that could easily be me… I could still be on the streets wondering where I’m gonna sleep tonight, when my next meal would be and hoping that someone won’t look at me as a piece of scum but as a person.
I try everyday to be better than the day before, I have to remember my road of recovery and the reason why I cant/won’t pick up!
The people I relate most to now are the same people I once looked down on and judged. The drug addicts The broken The lost
I am humble because I have been you
