This is my last serande
So where have I been?
1y 5m of relapse. Didn’t see it that way.
At least here i can honest without prejudice.
I went to Bali for a holiday and a good friend’s wedding. It started there, low alcohol beers.
I came home and managed thst way for a while, slowly but surely it changed into your average local beer, was still okish at this point. Wasn’t back to my usual 12 a day habit thought I had it under control.
Then as ever came the party drugs md and meth
On the odd occasion, but then the meth became my drug of choice I went on week long runs. On and off. Decided id had enough of that when the anxiety and paranoia become to much.
Continued drinking found craft beer, took it to far a couple of times remembered how much I liked drink driving so that became routine. Not proud, no 2nd dui, no accidents thank your higher power.
Id made a decision to back off drinking again a few weeks ago I didnt. I knew a holiday to Australia was coming. One last blow out or so I thought. A few days of back to back drinking and one pill. I came home drank again. Realized I was about to make the best decision of cleaning up again not only for me but us, Hannah, Noodle and I.
Im a mean drunk very Jekyll and Hyde. That person I become isnt who I am or want to be.
In my absence I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and bipolar. I was using to quiet my mind. Or at least that was my excuse.
It was wrecking havoc on my head. I would be manic for weeks at a time. My wife could see through it all and still continues to but I know deep down one more relapse will be the last one for her and highly likely myself I wont be coming back from that.
Ive had 4 maybe 5 different jobs since I was last here, mostly due to my mental health declining because of my use.
My last job was tidying up social hosing after tenants left or doing odd fixes around the properties. I went in there wanting to help.
What I saw was addiction and destruction so much so I couldnt bare it. I thought i knew addiction that really opened my eyes. I had to leave.
Been in a new job 4 days working with a friend inside in a warm factory with decent pay and good hours. Hope to make this one really work for me.
Been through 4 cars because I am.never happy with what I have. Sold the one I really wanted to keep in a manic episode. Now I get to watch it be passed round and abused via market place.
Life has been whirl wind of Chaos and Calm.
Im here now, feeling welcomed and part of something id never really thought I missed till I opened the app.
Today im grateful to continue a journey to find my happiness again.
Sooo good to see u! Glad ur back!
I was just thinking the other day “I haven’t seen Travis about for a while, wonder if he’s OK down in NZ”.
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