The start of sober me... šŸ™ Day 2 needing support

Day two has beganā€¦The mood is a bit up and down, feeling alone, I like my own company, love it in factā€¦ This year has been a difficult one. Many life changes happening at once leading to a break downā€¦ Or how I now like to call it a breakthrough, I learned to love myself again, learned to let go of old ideals that I had to be a certain type of person to be liked. Really found myself and have loved life this past few monthsā€¦a six months of mostly sober (I was able to drink in moderation, always have been)
This past few weeks, Iā€™ve found myself stopping at a bar on the way home from work, just one or twoā€¦living on my own, I had company this way, friends that I hadnā€™t seen for some time (because I wasnā€™t drinking)
Then I started picking up another bottle on the way home after the barā€¦and drinking alone at home.
This time of year is always difficult for me, when everyone around is drinking having fun and spending time with family.
I find myself wanting that company. Comparing my situation to othersā€¦

Today will be a test, a mental health challenge.
Sat here wanting to go out, wanting that company but with mood low and I donā€™t think Iā€™d be much company at allā€¦
Plus restrictions are stopping life from being anywhere near free.

11.05am, I want to message my mother to go for lunch, but the chances are it would be in a pub and I donā€™t want that temptation around meā€¦ So instead I sit, sit in the discomfort trying to work out a way through.

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Hi, I just wanted to say I understand your struggle all too wellā€¦have struggled with it for years in fact. I would tell myselfā€¦come on, you can have one or two, social drink and be like everyone else, and ms y times I could, or least it looked like I could, and thenā€¦the bottles would be snuck in and the alone drinking would beginā€¦sometimes just enough to say I successfully, but many others where I would be found by my husband, I would be carried to bed and wake up to a world of shame, guilt and self-loathing.

I came to the realization this week that Iā€™m not other peopleā€¦Iā€™m me and I have difficulty controlling how much I drinkā€¦I canā€™t have one or two for the long haulā€¦I have to drink it all and the oath is going to kill me or destroy everything I have.

We can still have fun with our friendsā€¦there is alternstives to make us feel included. There is a very large segment of our population turning from the toxicity of alcohol and moving toward ā€œmocktailsā€ and they are very enjoyableā€¦I never fully gave them the credit they deserve, but they are enjoyable, but most importantly staying away from booze is so importantā€¦and if that means stepping away from folks for a short period of time to get a handle on how your going to approach itā€™s worth, and you know what we are given a real opportunity with Covid hanging aroundā€¦if your invited to go amongst folks who might tempt ya you right now can just sayā€¦I donā€™t feel safe.

And weā€™re not for that reason of exposure of sickness but also weā€™re not safe because weā€™re not strong in our quit. Focus on you right now. You are most important, you are worth fighting for, you deserve to be free!

If you ever want to speak, please reach out. Iā€™m day three, so I get your struggle. Weā€™re gonna do this, but we canā€™t do it alone.

Stay the course friend. :raised_hands:t2::facepunch:t2::blush:

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I can relate. Day 2 for me. Day 1 wasnā€™t bad because you dont feel much like drinking when you are hungover. Day 2 sets in and you think I feel good, maybe just one. Then the voice in your head argues with the drinking voice and says no, you know what will happen. You can never have just one because the drinking voice of reason always wins and says, just one more, just one more, then you forget how many you had and you wake up with regret again. Well last night I was sitting there watching tv and having that mental argument when my phone rang. Work called and asked me to come in. It was a saving grace. I didnt drink and went into work instead for 4 hrs. I too think I can drink in moderation but most of the time I cant. I know I drink alone when Iā€™m lonely or depressed, I drink with friends when I feel like a good time and I drink when Iā€™m really upset. There seems to be a reason always instead of living with my feels sober. I guess we think it will make things better but it never does. Why I just cant learn that lesson and stay away from it is the real question. We just need to do some soul searching and figure things out. Iā€™m proud of my 2 days and Iā€™m going to work on day 3 today. Stay strong my friend.

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Thank you both for your kind and supportive words.

Well day two has been a struggle with the inner torment, boredom, loneliness, unrest withinā€¦i went to dinner with a friend and was so close to caving and having an alcoholic drinkā€¦ Just becauseā€¦ Before we ate I even suggested him coming back getting a few beers and wine in having a sleep over.
Once I had eaten that craving seemed to passā€¦ On the way home I still contemplated having a drink even know I didnā€™t actually want one.
Iā€™m proud to say although still time left, I havenā€™t and wonā€™t be drinking today.

Cup of tea and a candle lit evening for me with some self care in way of a bubble bath and face mask :slight_smile: today I won :muscle:

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:clap::clap::clap::clap:YES! That is great that you victoriously conquered another day! I know how hard that was for you! I just resisted myselfā€¦had to step out for an errand, and thought itā€™s a beautiful day let me stop for lunch, which means having a couple drinks in my language, and I pulled into a coffee shop and opened this app instead to answer some forum posts. Alcohol is a terrible tricky trickster, but not today! Iā€™ll eat something at home and take a walk later without my wallet.

We will do this! Thankfully we have one another! :raised_hands:t2::facepunch:t2::blush:

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Today is all that matters Smith18! Knowing you did it today will make it easier to do it again tomorrow. Excellent work. Big congrats. Keep going.

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Congrats to all of you on your first few days, stick around, there is so much support to be found here, together we are stronger. :pray:t2:

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your all doing great, keep being the one in charge not your ego, that ego wants you all to itself, itā€™s a crafty little thing always letting you think itā€™s on your side and you know best. Itā€™ll kill you you know.

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Amazing to you TudorDeeā€¦
Today has been won! :yellow_heart::pray:

I hope that coffee was a wonderful one also.
I often find solace in a coffee shop, I always Carry a book with me to get lost in and hours can pass :slight_smile:

I read, sober diaries and the unexpected joy of being sober back in the summerā€¦ I may dig them out and re-read for that motivation and understanding.

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Thank you so much for your kind wordsā€¦one day at a time :pray:

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I can feel the support, and if Iā€™m being totally honest. I just had an overwhelm moment reading everyoneā€™s words of support and encouragement :yellow_heart:

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Ego vs selfā€¦ For me there isnā€™t another way, I have to be me, I canā€™t get lost again :pray:

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It was delish! Coffee shops and tea shops are always a delightā€¦I have had a tendency to by pass them in the past, but itā€™s time to fall back in love with for good!

I just ordered 5 new books to help me on working on the best version of myself. Like you, I can get lost in a good bookā€¦itā€™s finding those nuggetsā€¦not always easy, but Iā€™m on a quest now! Lol!

Hope the bath and facial mask were relaxing. Self care is soooo important. We humans forget to focus on ourselves sometimes!

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I also bypassed them in the past in favour of bars. But totally agree and have spent this last year falling in love with and hunting little hideaways.

I actually have this thought of Iā€™d love to open a quaint little coffee/bakery shop, where you can sit surrounded by books that you can buy and a section where you can swap etcā€¦ And a little

What books have you ordered?

Yes the bath and face mask were wonderful thank youā€¦its one of the most important things to me this past 6 months is self care, even though I still forget that sometimes.
32 years of thinking of others before myself to work on right there. :pray::yellow_heart:

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That is so funnyā€¦I have always wanted to open a cat cafe with a cafe corner where folks good have an eclectic assortment of teas and coffeesā€¦have some yummy pastries with book lined shelves with classics of all kinds! Cats and teaā€¦best blend ever! :grinning: I hit the lottery itā€™s totally happening!

I ordered two Annie Grace booksā€¦one is This Naked mind, a book by William Porter, and two books on processing grief. I have never dealt never handled death wellā€¦loss in general really. I think a lot and those types of thoughts and thinking lead to me not wanting to think period hence another reason to be drunk. I have to find a healthy way to process pain and grief. So, this is my first step to diving into that. I wanted to do therapy again, but I might start here first with Covid I get nervous.

Omg, I totally get what your saying all of my adult life has been focused on pleasing others, caring for othersā€¦and have simply neglected me. I think dealing with me was overwhelming so I ignored meā€¦not anymore though. Itā€™s a new day, a new chapter! :grinning::raised_hands:t2:

Are you reading anything interesting at the moment?

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I know what you mean. I live alone with no family near me. I was drinking alone most of the time.

Day 4 here. Struggling but staying the course.

Ha, you should definitely make it happen!

I just read the preface to the naked mind and think Im going to order that also :slight_smile:
Loss is a difficult thing and affects everyone differently, itā€™s hard to sit in the pain and discomfort.
Therapy would be a great place to tackle that. I recently took to therapy, for a belonging issue that stemmed from a promotion but spread through every aspect of my life. (family, work, relationship, self worth) it was difficult and exhausting but totally worth it.
Iā€™ve also considered going back as this time of year throws up some lonely isolated feelings and itā€™s most uncomfortable.
Anyway I digress, the reason I mentioned my therapy - I started it with a complete stranger over a zoom callā€¦ I was scared at first, even asked for the camera to be off when initially setting the session upā€¦ But I told myself I was being stupid and if I was to do it, then do it camera on.
Maybe your therapist can do a zoom call rather than face to faceā€¦ I promise it isnt as daunting as you might think :slight_smile:

Well done you for starting to think of you first :slight_smile: I know how hard it is after not all of your life. Its not something that comes naturally is it, but totally worth itā€¦ Self care feels so wonderful :yellow_heart:

Iā€™m currently reading - love your imposter by Rita Cliftonā€¦
Not long started it but enjoying it so far, its funny, uplifting and enlightening with a ā€˜me tooā€™ ā€˜I have had thatā€™ etcā€¦
Iā€™d definitely recommend it :slight_smile:

One thing Iā€™ve learned is drinking to cure loneliness only leads to a greater feeling of lonelinessā€¦

Well done for achieving 4 days Yuma14, you can do it :muscle: what are your struggles? Would you like to share?

Iā€™m currently starting day 3.
Its dry out, cold and freshā€¦ I have a calling to get into nature, so am going to head to the hills :slight_smile:

It would be cool! They always say you should do what you loveā€¦my love is animals. They just make every fiber of my being smile. I had a pups named Princie, but he passed in 2015. Once that happened I couldnā€™t bear to have another pups, so I adopted cats. I have three: Abi, Charlie and Duncan, and they are just the sweetest and smartest loves. Do you have any pets?

I read This Naked Mind years ago, but it didnā€™t stick back then, and I canā€™t even find it in my home, so Iā€™m buying it again, and Iā€™m going to really READ this this time. I think for years I just went through motions so people would leave aloneā€¦no more being alone! Time to stop hiding in shadows for this old nerd :wink:

I think the zoom therapy is a great ideaā€¦especially right now with the Covid cloud looming over the world. There is a woman who actually was an old professor of mineā€¦I am trying to line up with her. I think having therapy as a sounding board will be extremely helpful; especially when coming to terms with my childhood/mother. I always thought I could figure out on my ownā€¦that I was tough enough, but clearly that was yet another lie I told myself lol. I think you going back will be good for the soulā€¦especially around this time of year. Holidays can be super hard for just about anyoneā€¦I always say the more tools in the tool box the stronger our houses are :blush:

Iā€™ll have to look that author upā€¦thank you for sharing when your fully through with the book give me the full review! I love reviews! I want to pick up book called My Mothers Rules by Judge Tolerā€¦I adore her and she is just so insightful. I follow her IGā€¦Moā€™nique is awesome toā€¦sheā€™s a comedian who is super motivational. All about clean eating and exercising. She has her own YouTube and website if you are ever curious about her. Annie Grace has a page with podcasts and Toler has a pageā€¦I guess they all do :joy:

Well, Iā€™m off to feed the birds and then take my morning walk before the rain comes in. Stay warm and Iā€™ll talk to you soon! Have a blessed one! :raised_hands:t2::facepunch:t2::blush:

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