You’ve been through so much for anyone, let alone someone your age. You could write a book.
Again, thanks for sharing man. You are unbelievably strong and mature.
1 Like
The story of my life 4/?
A crisis team was sent out to pick up my dad so that he couldn’t do something stupid.
They had him move into a house about 20 minutes from ours. He had to follow therapy.
One day I was allowed to visit him. He was acting strange. He was crying and told me he was sorry for everything. He acknowledged that he abused us. A few minutes later I was playing a game on my phone(shocker) and he asked me what I was playing, which was very unnatural for him because he used to scold me out for being on my phone. It was a desperate attempt at connection which I only realized on the ride home. It was only then that my mom actually told me about the divorce. She hid it for 3 weeks. I obviously broke down crying, because nobody wants their parents to divorce.
School life was hard too. For this part, I have to go back in time a bit, because I forgot some details.
When I was in the second year of high school, my classmates were intimidating a group of first years just so that they could sit on the couch. (I used to just annoy the hell out of people to scare them off for a couch…The cringe is insane) I didn’t realize that when I sat with them after the first graders had left. Out of nowhere some first grader tells me I have an ugly face. This started a war between my grade and that kid. I’m not proud of it, but we made his life hell. We threw empty plastic bottles at his head constantly. So back to school life during the divorce. A couple of days later I had to clean the auditorium with a broom. The kid walked up to me and put his foot in front of the broomstick. The stick shot into my throat and I punched him in the face as hard as I could. He got a black eye.
About a month after my dad’s breakdown he moved into his parent’s chalet. In the back of our garden. He was sad and I cared for him. I felt pity and I talked with him quite a bit. He did nothing but manipulate me to hate my mom that entire time. Eventually, my grandparents got back from their holiday to Spain. They talked with my dad and within no time, he was back to being an asshole. Spying on us at night. My mom got a restraining order, but he was allowed to visit his parents…living in our backyard. One night I was home alone and he was desperately trying to get into our house. I called the cops, but there was nothing they could do. I was terrified. A while later my dad threatened my mom’s best friend, a stereotypical hippie, with a knife. Cops were called, they could do nothing. Hated the cops for a long time, but now know that my government is to blame and not the cops, since the cops do not write the procedure they have to follow.
A few months later I went to Tenerife with my school. My host was a gaming-addict. When we weren’t doing something with my school, he’d talk to his shoulder about games or game. He had autism and it really hurt when I discovered that my teacher had matched me with that guy because I was off in her eyes. She looked at me as if I was crazy and treated me that way. At this time I did not know about my autism and ADHD yet, so I did not understand why she treated me as if I wasn’t equal to the others. Basically my time on Tenerife was an awful experience, but it sure was a beautiful island.
Eventually, my host came to The Netherlands and he did nothing but a game and talk to his shoulder yet again. I used to hate him, but nowadays, I feel bad for him, because even with autism he must have noticed how much I hated being stuck with him.
Couple days later I was diagnosed with autism and hated myself even more.
A few weeks later I went to the finals of the mathematics championship in London. It was an amazing experience. I have had a love for London ever since. You Brits sure know how to eat breakfast.
Eventually, everything went to shit. My mom couldn’t handle the stress of my dad constantly spying on us and we had to leave. I wrecked all the furniture that we had in the house with a knife and wrote down Adolf Riekele(My dad’s first name, it sounds like Hitler) is a nazi everywhere. It was very satisfying.
We had no home. Luckily my mom had a friend who was going through a divorce too, so he allowed us to move in. He had partial custody, so his kids came every weekend. One day he got a call from his ex that she would sue for full custody if we would be there in the weekends, because her kids were starting to act like me… I still don’t know what made her say that, because I did not give her kids autism, they already had autism. So we had to find a place to stay in the weekends. My sister said we could sleep at her place in the weekend for as long as we needed. Her fiancé didn’t like the amount I gamed, so we weren’t allowed to sleep there anymore 4 months later, so we had to find another place. We slept at my mom’s best friend for a few weekends. Never had I been in such a filthy house. Beer cans everywhere. Everything was sticky. The shower did not work.
I barely even noticed, I was so used to my filthy hygiene already. I showered about once every 2 weeks.
Luckily some other friend from my mom offered to have us stay there in the weekends. Eventually, my mom decided to move us there permanently so that I wouldn’t have to move around as much since it wasn’t really great for my mental state to move twice a week. Our new hosted couldn’t get any kids. She ended up seeing us as her kids and smothered me and my youngest sister enormously. I gamed about 5 hours a week and she still thought I was gaming way too much. I wasn’t allowed to live stream with my friend anymore. It was a really kind that she took us in, but she was a horrible host for criticising everything we did. We were not allowed to have our own lives. She directed our lives. And I hated it.
Imma stop writing for now, since I’m starting to feel like shit writing all this down. Next update wont take a montrh
2 Likes
Oh Dutchie!! You’ve gone through hell!! Thank you so much for opening up and telling your story. I cannot stress this enough what an inspiration you are here. Sending lotsa love and hugs from Finland! 
1 Like
Thanks for sharing your story, Jan! It’s an interesting read and must take a lot out of you to put it all down. Hope you’re getting enough rest and mental distance from the abuse you had to endure. I’m looking forward to the next chapter. Hope you’re well. 
1 Like
The abuse no longer haunts me that I know off. I have forgiven my dad, not those asses that treated me like garbage in the last chapter. I’ve actually been getting into contact with my dad again
1 Like
That’s exciting and a big deal. I can understand you must have wished for that. I wish you well with that. Be very careful and stay safe.
1 Like
I don’t think he’ll even dare raise his voice to me. I didn’t see him for 2 years and he still starts crying everytime he sees me and I made very clear that I will kick him out of my life if he starts intimidating me again. He’s actually very different
1 Like
The story of my life 5/?
One advantage of being at my mom’s friends place is that I gamed a lot less because of her constant micromanaging. I really hated my life at that point.
But on December 1st 2018, that all changed. My mom found a new home in my birth town. It was a shitty house, with lots of problems and broken stuff, but it was home.
At that point me life peaked. I got a job at the Jumbo in that town. We got our old cat, that we had to leave when we fled from my dad, back after 9 months. It was only a short peak though. Once I got enough money I bought an Xbox. I couldn’t stop gaming. I fucked up at school. I broke my mom’s trust. I started hating myself.
Our cat had changed in the 9 months he had no home. redacted. I hated myself even more. I wanted to kill myself but promised my sister I wouldn’t.
In April 2019, my mom met Alex. He was a terminally ill man, but a great guy. I didn’t meat him until July though, since I didn’t think they would last very long as my mom had boyfriend after boyfriend at that time, really fucking annoying.
1 Like
The story of my life 6/?
But Alex was a real kind and funny guy.
I was nearing the end of the school year. I had one test week left and I really had to do everything I could to make my average grade passing. I deleted all my games. And I was ready to nail all those tests. Until an online friend sent a message about a new game. Within a week I was number 7 of Europe. yup… I fucked up each and every one of my tests. I was held back. I hated myself so fucking much. It broke my mom. She even went to her mother’s grave to ask for advice. It was the first and only time she did that. My mom made me promise not to game at night during the summer break. So I did. I wanted her to get off my back.
I gamed every single fucking night of the summer break whilst my mom kept complimenting me about how good I was doing by not gaming at night. She was fucking proud of me. And I led her on. I let her believe I wasn’t gaming. At the end of the summer break she confronted me about gaming that night. I started laughing and told her I gamed every night that summer break and that I thought she knew. I broke her again. She told me I needed help. I knew she was right, so I decided to lock myself in my room for a week without any technology, because I wouldn’t be addicted anymore afterward. Addiction can make us so desperate. I lasted 18 hours of which 14 were me sleeping.
The next day she told me about “Yes We Can Clinics”. My response was: “hell no”. The next day it was “hell yeah” though since I knew I was fucking up everything.
Around that time our landlord decided to raise the rent. My mom could no longer afford living there, so we had to move yet again. We moved to a piece of shit town called Veendam.
1 Like