- Bioluminescent waves: 7 of Wands and 8 of cups
7 of wands : the card of perseverance under pressure and being outnumbered but refusing to yield. Its a card about holding your position when everything tests you (old habits, old circles, old versions of yourself in sobriety). You stand firm, you do not yield to them.
8 of cups: The card of walking away, of conscious abandonment. You fought, you won, you walk away. It’s about maturing, letting go.
The two together is about winning a battle, and walking away victorious. also, victory does not come without going through dark waters, the light will appear only by going through (sobriety).
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Frost Flowers Queen of Swords. This queen is all about clarity, no sugarcoating, and hard won wisdom which comes from cutting through illusion. In sobriety, we stop lying to ourselves. Like these beautiful frosting flowers only forming in specific conditions, this Queen knows that something extraordinary can come from seeing ourselves clearly, even if its hard because we are not always proud of what we’ve done.
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Brinicles The Tower
Funny because I wanted to write a post about the tower card at my birthday and I felt woozy, sick to my stomach, and decided against it. My body remembers the weight of this hard means, all the time.
Rock bottoms only happens when everything falls. My body remembers this as completely traumatic. My own sobriety came with months bed ridden, and I thought I was losing my mind. Like brinicles, who descend slowly and freezing everything they touch the moment they arrive at the bottom, with rock bottom, you dont see it until the damage is done. The tower is, like something build on unstable ground (addiction) can no longer stand, it falls.
At the same time, this is not only rock bottom, it can also be a series of events during sobriety, since new pillars are being built, and old ones are still falling.
But what happens when it all falls, when I experienced the stillness brought by rock bottom, bed ridden looking at nothing but the ceiling and through my window, the sky opened up. Even though I still struggle, I moved mountains through sobriety and my life is better for it. No doubt. My body reacts strongly to this because of the trauma of this, but also, because in some ways, I’m finding myself again amongst the rubble.
- Morning glory clouds Knight of Pentacles. Which is the one I chose here.
The power of showing up every single day, without dramatic flare. It’s the unglamorous commitment to keep going. One day, another day, until one day you look up and DAYUM, something enormous was forming this whole damned time. Steadiness is a precious gift to offer oneself in sobriety.
