So I’m 41 days into sobriety and things have been going great. Much better than the last six years, during which I’ve ranged between mild asshole and tremendous asshole. My wife has stayed with me through all of it, and I know it was really tough at times. However, since I quit drinking she’s been going out drinking with friends a bit more than usual. Tonight she came home just absolutely lit and immediately started a heated argument, which evolved into her basically saying “see how it feels?! See how it feels?! This is what I’ve dealt with for years!”…and so forth. I obviously recognize the tables being turned, and I’m really wanting a drink to calm down. Anybody deal with a situation like this? Any advice?
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No unfortunately bc I suck ass at relationships but I know what your going through and I’m sorry.
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Thanks. I mean, what am I going to say? Don’t act like I acted for years? Kind of a problematic argument.
My wife started to drink a bit more when I quit. Not much by any means. Maybe a glass of wine a night. Usually she would have only have one on the weekend, maybe one when her parents were over, before when I was drinking. Maybe she finally felt ok to relax with a glass instead of worrying about our kids and me if anything was to happen while I was drunk.
I have no idea what you wife is going through or went through, but as she said it was years. Her hurt is not going to go away after 40 days. It’s going to take time. Just try to be understanding. I dunno. Have an honest talk with her…when she’s sober. Maybe suggest an alanon meeting for her to go to so that she may get a better understanding of our illness.
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Lawyer up and start moving and secretly stashing away money.
Seriously
Heard how this one plays out far too many times
Whatever you do, just know if you pick up again it’s all just going to get way worse. Part of getting sober is dealing with all these emotions we dulled with booZe or drugs.
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That’s a rough situation. I’m sure she had some pent up resentment to let out hanging on all that time. Just don’t be accusatory… Be genuine if you discuss it. Or maybe let her stew and maybe apologize. Drunk logic, you know?
I wouldn’t engage in any argument while she’s drunk. Do whatever you can to turn it around… I’m glad you got to go out and have a good time. I did the dishes etc etc. It’s hard to argue with positivity.
I also suck at relationships.
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Tell her she’s right. You acted terribly for years. Ask what you can do to make it better now and do what she says. That’s amends, really changing your behavior while you take responsibility for what you have done and for the hurt you’ve caused.
Do not argue, because she is telling you how she feels and there is no logical argument for “you shouldn’t feel like that”.
I have been exactly there, except my spouse didn’t get drunk, she just hammered me over the head with my 20 years of bad behavior. Still does, from time to time, and my reaction is the same every time. I feel pissed inside, but I breathe and then tell her she’s right.
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Thanks, I powered through it and didn’t have a drink. Feel better because of it.
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Best advice I’ve gotten on this forum. Did exactly what you said and couldn’t have turned out better. Thanks.
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