I’m currently 23 years old and I’ve been a heavy alcoholic for 6 years now. I have suffered from sever anxiety and major depressive episodes for my entire life and also a deteriorated self worth and trust issues due to a childhood encounter that has haunted me and caused shame and hate for years after. After teenage years full of suicide attempts and rediculous outbursts my parents had basically let loose of me for the preservation of the rest of the family. I was unmedicated and angry at the world for allowing me to exist. At 17 I started drinking quietly in my room at home and did so heavily until I moved out on my own. Then I upped my game and started drinking up to half a bottle of ever clear every night after I had finished my usual 6 pack of 16oz natural ice beers. That went on for a year before I discovered a new found love for the taste and feel of spiced rum. I had met the love of my life at this point yet continued to drink over 3 gallons of pure liquor per week. I fell into a very deep depression after nine months of dating this angel and I left her and set out to destroy myself.
I began making better and better money ad I am a very high functioning alcoholic and the more I made, the more I spent on booze. I bought a brand new Ford Lariat 4x4 and three months later totaled it in a ditch at 110mph after already being exuded of two prior DWIs and I was let off this time too. Anyone would consider that a sign from God to stop and sober up, but me, I was invincible after that. Not even God himself could reach down and touch me anymore. I let loose and I couldn’t tell you how much I was drinking after that. I had started attending a bar as soon as I had turned 21 and I unfortunately spent nearly my entire paycheck each week which was a sizable sum of money. I was regularly driving a truck, motorcycle, heavy machinery, and anything else around me under the heavy influence of alcohol and whatever drugs I may have stumbled upon in my escapades. Through those six years of abuse I drank more than most people will drink in a lifetime, I had guns pointed at me by my own hand or someone elses, I tempted the devil every chance I got, I laughed in the face of dangerous agressors, I used everyone I could get my hands on, and I made myself believe that I was that horrible, criminal, psychopath that I had become. Then one day by chance I had a short moment of clarity and I scheduled an appointment with a doctor to address my mental perturbation and after starting treatment for four weeks I was informed that I would no longer be prescribed if I continued to consume alcohol. That night I blacked out like I always did and “enjoyed” my last hoora because I intended to quit the next day. I doubted that I would make it more than a day because I’ve tried quitting many times before and each time I relapsed I drank more and more. However, this time I actually carried on for a day, two days, a week, a month, and now 47 days. After this short time of sobriety I see such a bitter sweet reality. I see how much I’ve accomplished and improved in my life but I also see very vividly the scars and damage I administered for so many years. I immediately felt a gut wrenching pain in my heart for the loss of the woman I was supposed to marry. Not a day goes by now that I don’t think of the pain I put her through and regret it with all that’s in me. I wrote her a sincere appoligy in a long letter but I know it’s doomed to fall on a numb heart. This girl is only one of many indeviduals that I took everything from. I destroyed people with my sharp minded insults and mockery. Sobriety is beautiful, but it amplifies the ugly mess you’ve left in your wake. I’m so terribly glad I can set out to repay my debts to the people I meet in my future
@Luke_Jacob_Carroll I’m glad to see your here after that you are very strong and your story is proof. They are a lot of great people on here and are your greatest supporters.
Congratulations on 47 days, I have 43. I am right there with ya. Guilt is a horrible feeling. I am starting to forgive myself for my wrong doings. Don’t beat yourself up, we can’t change the past. However we can pave a wonderful future. Whenever I see young adults battling addiction it breaks my heart. You are the same age as my daughter and I would be devastated if she was going through this. Keep your chin up! 
Kara
Welcome! Congratulations on 47 days. One thing I remind myself of is things I said and did were not the true me because I wouldn’t have said the words or the things I did if I had been sober.
Thank you all for the support and kinds words! It’s peope like you that keep me going!
@Luke_Jacob_Carroll congratulation of 47 days sobrierty , and i really want to thank you for sharing your story . Me too can relate to your story. You should be Proud, i hope you are . I think you you doing a Great job !!
addiction is a horror . One day at the time. Step by step . Your guys make me humble and you are good good people thank you again for sharing