The Urge to Give Up & Give In

Emotional Support
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Good morning all. I am really in need of your help, thoughts, advice & good vibes this morning. I am on day #48 today (alcohol)…(I’ve never made it more than 3 days…this is my 3rd attempt to quit). Honestly, idk how I am still going right now. I had a complete & total breakdown last Tues. I have not only wanted to drink, but self-harm (I haven’t yet done either).

A friend passed away last Monday…I missed the funeral…my job basically gave me an ultimatum (pick…job or funeral). I need my job so I couldnt leave (It’s a new job…I started about a mth ago…not only did it take a while for me to find this job…its a very stressful one. I left my last job for personal/professional reasons). I am hurting bc I missed the funeral.

I got all set up & registered to go back to school full time while I’ll be working full time (got accepted to an MSN-FNP…Nurse Practitioner program)…have been dealing w/financial aid…I am sick of it all & keep telling myself I will fail anyway & I just need to back out/give up.

There are other things on my mind driving me insane…but these are the 2 biggies right now. Ever since my breakdown last week I feel like literally all I think about is how badly I need/want a drink. I cry…a lot. My friends are all worried for me to be alone…so they’re constantly asking if they need to come stay the night. I love my friends for caring so much, but I feel like I am a burden or just weighing them down/holding them back from things that they need to/should be doing. I feel like I am an adult & I should be perfectly ok on my own. I almost just want to yell out that I dont need a babysitter even though I know that’s not what’s going on & everyone really just wants to help me. I just start to shut people out & go into this mode where I isolate myself from everyone/everything.

I know that as soon as I take even the smallest sip I will be done for. I keep telling myself it’s not worth it but its beginning to feel like the urge/want is so overwhelming that I just dont care anymore. I’m just so stressed out. I cant afford to see my therapist right now unfortunately. She does still email/txt/call to check in once in a while as I have been seeing her since I was a teenager.

If you felt like you were going to give in:
What triggered you in the first place?
What stopped you/changed your mind?
Is there something specific that you do when you have urges on days that are stronger than others?

If you did give in:
How did you feel as you made that decision…was it even thought out… or did you just instinctively grab the bottle not caring anymore?
How did you feel after? Did you choose to seek out sobriety again…or did you binge?
What did you do differently or change to help yourself to aim for sobriety again?

Also, if you have any sort of sponser…how long have you had that person there for you? What made you decide to go that route? How did you choose that person? Is it helpful to you…if so…how? I feel like I would overwhelm said person and the thought just makes me sad. I just find myself wondering more about it lately.

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Day 48 is nothing to sneeze at; please do your best to stay strong. Drinking will ABSOLUTELY DO NOTHING to help your emotions. You’ll feel like crap the next day physically and emotionally.
You’re doing this for your health and emotional wellness.
Don’t even make it an option. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Ohhhh I can relate to this so much!! Someone wise once told me… you absolutely cannot do this alone. You need to lean into those who are trying to help you. They want to help you because they know this is something that can’t be done on its own, nor should it. Let them. Trust that what you’re feeling is valid, but if you were a burden to them, they wouldn’t be basically begging to help.

I’ve picked up the bottle again after 2 years of sobriety out of overwhelming anxiety, stress, and straight up chaos. It’s never worth it. Causes more damage than it “relieves” and makes things messier in the long run. You’ve accomplished so much already. Enjoy that. Let yourself enjoy those 48 days.

When I have those days/weeks of unbearable cravings- I treat myself with something else. Pig out on fried food one night, go shopping for new clothes or whatever I’m wanting (within financial responsibility of course).
Go for a walk, paint, JOURNAL!! I can’t stress enough how much journaling has saved my life. Listen to podcasts about sobriety. There’s so many out there and some I really identify with.

Go to therapy. Sometimes just talking this crap out and getting a professionals opinion changes your outlook.
And always lean into us on this app. We have been through it all and will never be burdened by whatever you have to say. Hang in there, we love you

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Heyy

It sounds like your very overwhelmed.
You also mentiond self harm which makes me think of depression
Your sad about your friend which is human instinct
Sometimes you will be sad. But is that emotion, a emotion that everyone can feel, something to self harm or drink about…?

Is it right to act on this emotion or will it pass…?

You have every right to live your life…

Last question.
Do you want to feel life on lifes terms… Or somehow numb your emotions?

This is life on lifes terms
Something we will go through wether we drink or not

This will pass :slight_smile:

Your doing amazing by the way

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You’re right. It will do nothing but make me feel worse. I keep trying to tell myself that but this gush of overwhelming emotions just rushes through me and I find myself in tears ready to cave. I just wish it weren’t this hard.

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It is hard; but you’re stronger. Tell the urge to eff off, out loud, lol

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That’s true. I’m sure they see so much more than I see. I feel like a failure though and i hate it. I feel like i dont deserve the compassion and genuine friendship and caring that they give. I truly need to re-train my brain and my thought process. I am working on it though. I feel like a totally diff person in only the 48 days I’ve been through. And I know very well no matter what day it is it will still never be easy.

Yes! I’ve been doing a lot of trying to treat myself when I can…money is a huge stressor right now so I’ve mainly been walking when I can and crocheting when I’m not working or dealing with the school stuff. I am trying to keep my mind set on going to the gym today…I keep telling myself even if I go and just spend 10 min on the treadmill…I made myself get up and go and I got out of the house and had my mind off of the bottle even if just a moment. As for the journaling…last night I started thinking I wish I had journaled daily starting day 1 so that I could go back and read what I was thinking and feeling at that time and it would strike me hard and remind me again why I am doing this for myself. I think I am going to start today.

As for therapy, I cannot afford to go right now but I was previously. She does check in on me now and then still as she knows I cant afford to come in right now.

Thank you for your love and support. It means the world to me! :heart:

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Very overwhelmed. I feel like it’s just one thing after another right now and I keep telling myself it’s all bound to slow down soon…it cant be this way forever. And yes, depression…I have struggled since I was a teenager…some days are much darker than others. I have been in and out of the hospital multiple times since I was a teenager.

True, you’re very right…it is an emotion. Not something I should drink or self harm over. Grabbing the bottle was just easy before. You want to numb. You want to forget. I do know that this feeling will pass…but its hard to wait it out.

I like that…“this is life on lifes terms”. I’m going to have to write that down.

Thank you :heart:

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I need to! I need to suffocate that little devil that thinks it has the right to live on my shoulder. Ugh.

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I hope you find some peace today

:slight_smile:

Youll be ok

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Hi Michelle, first of all hats off to you for staying sober through this extremely stressful and sad period of your life. This is no small feat and you should be proud of this because your are proving right now that you can do it. Even though it’s really hard, you are staying sober, and that is awesome! Part of this is reaching out for help here. This is just what you should be doing and shows you are trying to take care of yourself, and that again is a major win!
I cannot give much advice apart from: if you’re friends are worried and offering to help take them up on this help. They know you and seem to have your very best interest at heart and as you say: they are adults. They know how much they can handle. Lower your pride, accept help. It is not expected to go through what you are dealing with alone, really not. You can “pay them back” another time.

A sponsor sounds like a very good idea to me, some who will show you how to stand by your sobriety. I’m not in aa and don’t have a sponsor, but many folks here will have things to say about that. I just think it’s a good idea to reach out and to get all the support you can get. We are none of us doing this alone!

I can’t advise on the urges. I’m sure in your situation I would struggle just as much and can only hope I’d be wise enough to post here. I will say though: keep on doing what you are doing, it is keeping you sober. And tell yourself that DRINKING WILL DO NOTHING FOR YOU.

I hope others can be more helpful! Pm me anytime you want or need to! Sending all my strenght and good thoughts!

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Thank you!

You’re right. I know they will back down if they feel they need to. I just feel like it makes my problems their problems and no one needs that extra stress.

I dont do AA either. I think you and I actually brushed that topic at some point in passing. I just dont feel like it’s for me. I wasn’t sure if all sponsors were basically solely related to those who attend AA meetings and whatnot or not either honestly.

You have been helpful. You always are. I’m sorry I havent been very responsive this last week and I’ve been so short. I will try to message you more often! I am working on refocusing this week with all that has happened. :heart::heart::heart:

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Alcohol will not help. You’re really smart- you know this. The pain of discipline is much less than the pain of disappointment…please don’t have a drink. As a total stranger, reading your post hurt deeply in the quiet communal place where all of us scared addicts gather…48 days is a magnificent achievement but the next 24 hrs are worth even more.

I believe in you. You can do it.

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I like that…“the pain of discipline is much less than the pain of disappointment”. Another one that I will have to write down.

Thank you :heart:

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Hi Michelle.
You doing ok you know?
You have a lot of things going on that in the past would have made you want to drink, just like they are now.
Only now, you don’t drink.
Remember that.
If you want to cry, then cry, if you want to stop and let the world keep turning then do it, take a break.
Often a lot of the pressure we find ourselves under is Self inflicted.
We can and do search for perfection in ourselves and when this doesn’t happen we are often
Disappointed and resentful.
Our minds then turn to the easy way to block the feelings and emotions. Whether that’s drinking drugging or cutting. We are looking for a different feeling than all the frustration and disappointment.
Have you at any point seen a doctor since giving up?
Maybe a mild antidepressant might help to even things out a little.
It worked wonders for me in my early days.
Don’t be sacred to just relax and let things happen. It’s how we grow as people, and this period of time is going to be full of growth, both looked for and unsought.
If there wasn’t then we aren’t moving forward and we could very easily slip back into old ways.
A friend of mine posted this in another group I’m in. It’s worth a read.
Please be kind to yourself.

Letting Go of Perfection

As I journey through recovery, more and more I learn that accepting myself and my idiosyncrasies—laughing at myself for my ways—gets me a lot further than picking on myself and trying to make myself perfect. Maybe that’s really what it’s all about—absolute loving, joyous, nurturing self-acceptance.

—Anonymous

Stop expecting perfection from yourself and those around you.

We do a terrible, annoying thing to ourselves and others when we expect perfection. We set up a situation where others, including ourselves, do not feel comfortable with us. Sometimes, expecting perfection makes people so uptight that they and we make more mistakes than normal because we are so nervous and focused on mistakes.

That does not mean we allow inappropriate behaviors with the excuse that “nobody’s perfect.” That doesn’t mean we don’t have boundaries and reasonable expectations of people and ourselves.

But our expectations need to be reasonable. Expecting perfection is not reasonable.

People make mistakes. The less anxious, intimidated, and repressed they are by expectations of being perfect, the better they will do.

Striving for excellence, purity in creativity, a harmonious performance, and the best we have to offer does not happen in the stymied, negative, fear-producing atmosphere of expecting perfection.

Have and set boundaries. Have reasonable expectations. Strive to do your best. Encourage others to do the same. But know that we and others will make mistakes. Know that we and others will have learning experiences, things we go through.

Sometimes, the flaws and imperfections in ourselves determine our uniqueness, the way they do in a piece of art. Relish them. Laugh at them. Embrace them, and ourselves.

Encourage others and ourselves to do the best we can. Love and nurture ourselves and others for being who we are. Then realize we are not merely human—we were intended and created to be human.

Today, God, help me let go of my need to be perfect and to unreasonably insist that others are perfect. I will not use this to tolerate abuse or mistreatment, but to achieve appropriate, balanced expectations. I am creating a healthy atmosphere of love, acceptance, and nurturing around and within me. I trust that this attitude will bring out the best in other people and in me.

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Thank you for your post. :heart:

Yes, I have seen a doctor. And I follow my psychiatrist regularly. However, the previous combo of meds I was on I can no longer afford so we are trying to figure out a new plan. That just adds more frustration to the mix of emotions I am feeling right now.

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I can understand that. It all seems to be piling up on top of each other!
Keep reaching out on here. It’s a great place.

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@anon79808082 omg I love that!!! I’m going to do that the next time I’m craving a drink. :raised_hands:t2::grin:

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Michelle, maybe attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting might help shed some light on your situation. A good place to find a sponsor/mentor. Just a suggestion… Wishing you peace and serenity on your journey in sobriety :heart:

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