I am in the wall. Which means lots and lots of headaches. Being annoyed with my kid, Not sleeping well, not eating well. Not really caring how I look.
But it doesn’t really put me at risk it makes me more determined to get true this fase.
I am rediscovering my urge to write. In active use I was dark when writing. It didn’t feel good so I did not do it. In recovery I am amazed with the energy I get from emptying my mind and my soul in my Evernote.
I am really starting to love myself for the talents I have and that feels awesome.
Today feels totally different, but that’s the point right.
My son has just arrived and I am itchy and hot and cranky as fuck. I started bitchin against my ex for bringen just some ugly beat-up shoes. I hate it when I do that.
So just try to excuse myself and she dissed me well knowing that can trow me off my game.
I am just gonna use this fora to talk it off and that’s it.
Mate your emotions are going to run pretty higher for a couple of weeks. I’d suggest having a read around about things like expectations and resentments and the impact they can have on us using and or drinking.
The serenity prayer comes in awfully handy in such situations as you just mentioned. I wish you all the best.
Thank you, I will. And I do read a lot on this fora as well. It suits me (do I say that right) also am planning to watch the road map to recovery again. #eyeontheprice
After writing my post the feeling already calmed.
I think off it as I do when I had graving at first…
Your English is just fine my friend, it is better than some of the Americans on here.
Do you know the serenity prayer?—
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Our here it is in Dutch
This confess in handy in a lot of situations.
I go weekly to NA most weeks twice at least.
It got me true all. The prayer it self hasn’t had a big place in my mind yet. But the care of fellows and the feeling you are not alone. And trust and endurance is key gets me true the feelings.
I have bought a stepworks book last Monday. Now it is time to find me a sponsor. That is what I am aiming for first before I start working it.
Yes you want to have a sponsor guiding you through the steps.
You could apply the serenity prayer to when your girlfriend dissed you as in you can’t change the fact that she dissed you but you can change the way you let it affect you kind of thing.
I go to NA too
So true men, and I haven’t seen the prayer as a literal tool. But i see that now. Thank you.
I did do that anyway by trying to apologize for it. That is what I can do and that is also all I have to do.
I can’t helpt the fact I am a bit of an asshole sometimes these days
Today was the day 60 days of full sobriety. From first cannabis and then alcohol. 60 days nog drinks and today started awesome. I heard the sale of my house came true 95% sure. And then I went to a concert of a great artist who pulls me true the breakup with my baby momma. And then my phone buzzed. My father (alcoholic) is rushed in the hospital with heartissues. And I was standing in a concerthall for the first time in a sober condition. I thought I’d cave on the spot. Thoughts started spinning. 60 days 60 days… And the anger of my dad not respecting his new heart and keeping drinking (which feels hypocrite since I am an addict to) am buzzin, did enjoy the rest of the performance my mom was next to me and i cried and i shouted with the song which was a relieve but now my body feels like it’s vibrating and my chest is pulling tight.
I hate this, I can be sober in pain done that before I won’t use today. But I hope I sleep. And tomorrow is tommorow… Let’s hope he lives.
Simply clear that’s the voice of our addict illness. Don’t let it control your mind u must share every thing comes to your mind. Cuz our illness doest want us to live free life and engoy this voices comes in every details in your life u must share alot and always remember the gifts u have now.
In the spirit of sharing…
One week later again on Thursday he got picked up by an ambulance and taken to a hospital he had to stay till yesterday and he is doing better now.
He is sober for 9 days now I am so proud. But now his girlfriend is diagnosed with cancer. I am doing fine but I did cancel on a date I was supposed to go on. I couldn’t find a way to enjoy myself with this in mind.
The gift us I can bear this without using. But I do also realise that life is a Rocky road
Hope you feel better soon.
x
