I’m currently on day 406 and I realized since I hit one year I am more and more thinking about using. What the heck? I know alcohol won’t help with anything and I am determined in my sobriety…anyway, wtf? Anyone can relate?
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Sometimes I tune out from here when I find myself getting a few thoughts of drinking. It’s helped me.
This is a sobriety forum, so alcohol and other doc’s are always in the forefront.
You know it won’t help, ever, as you said. So just keep leaning on all of your experience with what it’ll do to you and the terrible place it can yank you into if you drink.
Keep trudging friend, we’re here for you
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I’m only 252 days in, but when the thought crosses my mind I just remind myself what it would be like to have that terrible raging hangover among other things. Not worth it.
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Are you thinking about drinking or thinking about your drinking? It can be tough to distinguish between the two.
The first one is that mental dance that ends up in relapse.
The second is being mindful of what alcohol did to you, and is necessary to combat the first one.
I can relate. I’ve come here at least once every single day since quitting alcohol. There’s no way I can come here and not think about alcohol. I’ve at times wondered if I should consider taking a break here to be able to “move past” this stage in my recovery.
Then I think… what if not coming here and not thinking about alcohol is exactly how the “just one, I can stop at one” thinking begins?
So here’s what I do know: 433 days ago, I resolved to quit, forever, and I joined this forum. I haven’t had anything more than a passing thought about actually drinking, even while I contemplate alcohol’s impact on my life, so what I am doing is working. Maybe it’s one thing, or a combination of lifestyle changes that have contributed to my success thus far, and moving to not thinking about alcohol daily is what upends the whole thing.
I would imagine that someone with a medical condition managed through diet and medication thinks about their condition each time they prepare a meal, or take their medicine. There’s no getting around that. However, it’s a small price to pay to have an acceptable quality of life, I think.
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Hey sober twin! I think I understand what you’re feeling. I can’t say that I’ve been about alcohol per day…but I’ve been thinking about AA (I don’t currently go)…this then totally freaked me out and made me think I subconsciously wanted to drink, I had to sit with this for a day or two to realize that I definitely do NOT want to drink. I had to unpack it further though to recognize that I myself started a journey of healing, believe it or not, a few YEARS before I quit drinking/using. I did so much reading and learning and knowing what i had to do before actually quitting. Even in the year plus since I’ve stopped drinking I’ve had to deal with bodily injuries from mistreating it etc that I’m only discovering ways into healing now (acupuncture) I’ve recognize that part of my addictive personality is wanting to learn and know and heal everything (ok ok ok I get it…still addictive…but hey…it’s healthier than cocaine and whiskey with champagne and cigarette chasers!) and now that you m feeling steady and strong my brain needs something NEW to latch onto. Long rant I know …but maybe your brain is essentially bored and waiting for the kids their shoe to drop? It’s gotten used to fighting against alcohol and that’s not hard anymore…so now it’s thinking about it more bc it just needs something to think about? I’m not quite sure what your program is, but…is there a way to amp some part of it up so your brain is satiated?
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I am with CaptAz on this one. When I get overly focused on here and read about alcohol all the time it sometimes makes me too focused on that old part of my life…so I take a break. I am not defined by that anymore.
I also found that milestones or big round numbers would make me think of alcohol more.
I try to spend more time clearing my mind and slowing my brain down when I get antsy. Meditation, yoga, watching meditation videos all helped me. If you like walking, that can also be a very meditative experience, same with working out. Coloring is very meditative, knitting, crafting in general, cooking for some people is meditative, cleaning, playing guitar, reading. Anything that gives your mind a break from wandering. Rock climbing is real good at that!!
Super huge congrats on your 406 days!! That is quite an accomplishment!! Be proud!!
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Thank you guys, you’re all right. Seems my brain is bored, I need something else to focus on and when I’m online here I focus on this old side of me, my drinking-me. Time to get a hobby I think 
And yes @SassyRocks , meditation was one of my most helpful tools. Since moving I somehow forgot to meditate regularily. I’ll fix that.
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There you go! I was super agitated yesterday after the previous day at over stimulaying Disney (we live in Florida) and we have a talkative houseguest here for the past week. My brain was all a babbling…I took to my room and did about 45 minutes of yin meditative yoga and felt way better.
Why is it we KNOW it will help, but we don’t always go there?
Happy meditating!!
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Mental dance! That’s a good way to look at it. I always say a relapse in thought is a relapse in the making.
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I can. I only have 6 months but I find it ebbs and flows. I will go a whole month not craving or thinking about it, and then I’ll have a few days where it’s all consuming… I’ve even caught myself romanticizing about moderating and drinking at events. It’s scary isn’t it!?
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I can relate. There’s that old saying, “out of sight, out of mind”, I find it to be true. Taking a break from here was good. Because of the fact that alcohol wasn’t the topic of every “conversation”, or any for that matter, I didn’t even really think about it, and it was refreshing; even if for a couple of weeks.
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Yeah it is scary. I found another reason why I think about it more often as I used to: many birthdays at work and alcohol always is around then, one collegue quit and brought alcohol for his “good-bye-party”, the new collegue did the same for “hello-here-I-am-party” and the end of carnival season is near, so more and more parties are going on 
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Been struggling with thonking of drinking again then read this. It really hit home to me x.
You can sit in a meeting sober, miserable thinking about drinking…
Or
You can sit in the bar drunk, miserable thinking about sobriety.
Which game wins?
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