Hello everyone, my name is Chere and for the first time ever in my life I’ve had to admit to myself I am an alcoholic and I have lost control of managing my life in a healthy way.
Ive been socially drinking since my freshmen year in college close to 20 years ago now. Like many it was never a matter of drinking every day. It was weekends and celebrations. Shots have always been my preference but I will pretty much drink any liquor, beer, and wine.
Over the years I have managed to ruin all romantic relationships due to my temper. For the most part I am described to be a nice person to be around. But with romantic partners once I am angry, I become violent physically and emotionally. I have never admitted to myself my drinking is probably a major cause.
As far as other aspects of my life I think I’ve convinced myself I am a functional alcoholic because I am able to carry out my day to day responsibilities.
I’ve had to go months with smoking weed due to drug tests throughout my employment career searches but I have never in my life gone 30 days or considered it.
Over the past four years I have found myself in a very serious relationship. Even were talking about marriage. On Sunday, Nov 9 that came to an abrupt hault. We are no longer together due to me loosing absolute control of my anger and attacking my partner. Normally we argue and we move on. This time was so bad…she has made a decision to end things romantically but says she would like to remain in each others lives somehow.
Over the years I have totaled my car due to falling asleep behind the wheel…I’ve put myself in extremely dangerous situations that have left me scarred for life but nothing has felt like bottom.
Losing my partner feels like the end. The bottom. Ive done and said such horrible things to her over the years and sadly some of the most hurtful things said I dont even remember due to being that drunk.
We drink together bt I have hidden HOW much I drink over the last 2 years. 8 out of 10 times I am always buzzed before arriving to her house. This year in particular Ive taken to drinking in the morning and afternoon. I will miss meals to drink and get buzzed quicker. I realize I hide my drinking and I know this needs to stop.
My life has so much potential. So yes this first attempt is inspired by losing someone so special but I am doing this for me. I have not shared with anyone but this community that I am going to step away from the bottle.
I am also a business owner and last week I was willing to let it all go down the drain. I went on a 7-day binge drinking throughout the day…this means being drunk at my own business.
I am a crossfitter who everyone sees so much potential in but clearly something health wise is holding me back. Arriving to the gym hungover.
I am a martial artist who many look to for leadership and guidance. I preach words I am not holding myself to. This needs to change. I need to change. I am scared to stop drinking but I know this is necessary.
Thank you for reading
