I relapsed, it’s true. But this time was different. After starting to get sober I didn’t even really enjoy drinking. I did it out of boredom and habit but it didn’t satisfy me in the way it used to. I’ve felt much more satisfied sober and clear-headed. I went to bed after drinking four little airplane bottles of vodka and a glass of wine and woke with a headache like no other. That doesn’t usually happen so I guess my body is telling me it’s done with drinking, it prefers good food and herbal teas in the evening.
I’m feeling ashamed and disappointed that I relapsed, and I missed work today for the headache. I don’t want to do this ever again. I dumped out the rest of the wine I had. Even the smell of it makes me sick, but I also just don’t want any of it around anymore.
I guess it’s just a matter of trying harder and listening to this. It’s not enjoyable, it doesn’t satisfy anything, and it only creates more problems. I could really use some support…
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I think it is a good sign though that you actually didn’t even enjoy it. Because now that you know your motivation was out of boredom and habit, you already have a leg up. You know where to start. When you start to feel that boredom sink in or start to feel like you’re going to fall into old habits, distract yourself. Take a walk, read a book, listen to music, come on this forum, write down your thoughts, just engage in an activity that you really enjoy and change up the routine to alleviate the boredom and break out of the habit. You got this! You can stay strong, focused, and determined. You’re here, reaching out for support and that means everything. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Start renewed and refreshed with a new outlook. 
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Thanks, I really appreciate this!
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Hey there, going through the same thing. I, like you, did not enjoy using like I normally had. I relapsed last night as well. It did make me feel good knowing I was physically sick of my DOC. But today the shame is weighing in on me. I think we can both move forward from this, actually, I know we can! It’s hard not to feel the shame, but here we are being honest about it and planning to move forward. It’s not always going to be easy, but we gotta keep trying! Good luck to you, friend. And most importantly, know you’re not alone.
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Thanks so much… it’s helpful knowing I’m not alone in this and that I have support instead of people judging me. We can do this!!
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