Currently reading Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav. Here are some thoughts on addiction that he shares that resonate with me - and may with others too
“You cannot begin the work of releasing an addiction until you can acknowledge that you are addicted.” - Do you drink/smoke/use your DOC even when you’ve said you want to stop/quit or when you know it’s causing you pain, sickness or suffering? Reasons for Addiction are different for everyone but the pattern of not being able to stop or have self-control are much the same. “Until you realise and admit that you have an addiction, it is not possible to diminish its power”.
“The personality rationalizes it’s addictions, it dresses them in attractive clothing.” “Recognition of your own addiction requires inner work. It requires that you look clearly at the places where you lose power in your life, where you are controlled by external circumstances.”
“Acknowledging an addiction, accepting that you have an addiction, is acknowledgment that a part of you is out of control. Once an addiction has been acknowledged, it cannot be ignored, and it cannot be released without changing your life, without changing your self-image, without changing your entire perceptual and conceptual framework and how you choose to live in this world.”
“it is our nature to resist change, therefore, we resist acknowledging our addictions.” but with change comes growth, learning and empowerment! Learn to embrace positive changes. Listen to your intuition and tap into your courage and strength within to move forward, to be brave, and change your path. Choose the path to recovery. Accept, surrender and release.
"Healing an addiction is one of the greatest spiritual accomplishments.
Spiritual growth is the creation of authentic power; becoming the authority in your own life and able to make the most constructive choices at each moment."
In other words, your addiction shows you exactly what you must acknowledge, experience, and heal, with your own choices, in order to create a life of meaning and joy instead of a life of continual and desperate need.
Forgive yourself and choose to change your path, for you MATTER!
Reading the Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz, and a lot came through that was helpful in regards to my relationship with addiction/self-worth. It was very helpful to me to read, so I thought I would share what I took away here in the hope that it may help you too
…Sometimes our self-judgement is so strong that we need to numb ourselves just to be with ourselves. If you don’t like a person you can walk away from that person. If you don’t like a group of people you can walk away from those people. But if you don’t like yourself, it doesn’t matter where you go, you are right there.
To avoid being with yourself, you need to talk something to numb you, to take your mind away from yourself. Perhaps some alcohol is going to help. Perhaps some drugs will help. Perhaps eating - just eat, eat, eat. The self-abuse can get much worse. There are people who really feel self-hatred. They are self-destructive, killing themselves, little by little.
What do we do if we don’t like ourselves? We try to get numb with alcohol to forget our suffering. That’s the excuse we use.
But, what happens when you change? For whatever reason you no longer need the alcohol. It’s okay now to be with yourself, and you really enjoy it. You no longer drink, but you have the same friends, and everyone’s drinking. They get numb, and they start getting ‘happier’ but you can clearly see that their happiness is not real. What they call happiness is a rebellion against their own emotional pain. In that ‘happiness’ they are so hurt that they have fun hurting other people and hurting themselves.
You no longer fit in, and of course they resent you because you are no longer like them. Now you have to make a choice: you can step back, or you can go to another level of frequency and meet people who finally accept themselves like you do. You find there is another realm of reality, a new way of relationship, and you no longer accept abuse (either by self or by others).
Thank you for sharing that… My brother is still deeply addicted and can’t or won’t admit that he has a problem… I think I’ll check this book out, maybe it will help.
Sorry to hear about your brother @Ahn-Uv, addiction is difficult and life-shattering, not just for the addict but for their families and friends too lots of loving kindness, some common sense and boundaries where needed is what I suggest. And, remember the serenity prayer -
Lord, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference
Just some more thoughts on my mind, and needing somewhere to place them.
A good night’s sleep truly is essential to our health and wellbeing, especially mental health. A good night’s sleep, consistently, does wonders for the journey of recovery and to perhaps easen the pain of addiction. Life is a little easier when well rested; when our bodies and mind have had time to ‘shut-down’, recoup and recharge. I know the more sleep I get, consistently, the better I feel and the better I cope. Lately, I have not been getting enough sleep each night, and I realise today, just how much i am suffering mentally and emotionally as well as physically because of it. An easy thing to fix you’d think, but it seems I like to get caught up in habits that harm rather than heal, hence my issues with alcohol. It’s frustrating, when you know what you need to do, but you don’t. My goal is to get 8 hours of sleep per night, because I know when I have this, I wake up feeling good! Then, I am ready to start my day with energy and enthusiasm. I read that the best sleep you get is in the hours prior to midnight. Sleeping in in the morning makes me wake feeling groggy and regretful, whereas, going to bed earlier makes me feel great. I’m really aware, because of my recent late nights, how tired and low I am feeling of late. When feeling like this, I often make poor decisions and entertain unhelpful thoughts, such as questioning my sobriety - which is really just me questioning my self-worth. I’ve learnt though that I need to love myself first, and this means getting and giving my mind, body and soul a good night’s sleep
This is something I posted on the Truth and Tough Love thread a while ago, and I just re-read it, and thought I’d like to share it again, as it rings true for me -
Being sober is not easy, nor is it that hard… It takes a firm decision, determination and dutiful action. It’s about forgoing immediate pleasure in exchange for long term self respect, and self-love. Once you’ve made the decision, it takes considered & courageous action, each and every day. It’s choosing what is in your own best interest. It’s not a punishment. It is a loving, kind choice … to be better and do better, everyday. It’s about winning the war against your own mind/ego. In order to love ourselves, we need to discipline our behaviour. Not in some harsh, critical way, but in a loving and caring way. It’s about taking ownership and responsibility for our lives and our happiness. Yes this is often easier said then done, but we’ve got to try. That’s where sobriety and recovery start. A little effort will go a long way. Believe in yourself, set some goals, establish some boundaries and move forward with guts and determination
Recovery from addiction/alcoholism is more than just stopping drinking or using. It’s an ongoing process of growing and healing - mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It takes time. Some days are easier than others. Once you’ve decided to turn and face in a new direction - one you haven’t faced before but have longed to for so long, the one that heals instead of harms, - move in that direction. However small your steps need be at first. Just keep moving forward, and don’t turn back! There is nothing back there for you… other than pain, suffering and regret. The further down this new path you get, the more experienced and able you become and the more enjoyable the journey is. It will always have challenges, but these challenges you can face, with courage, strength and love! For this IS the path of self-love and self-respect! And if you’re here, then you’re already on it. Embrace it; walk on and who knows… this could be your greatest journey yet…the journey OUT of addiction and INTO a life that you’re born and so deserving to live
I’m currently reading a book by Dr Faith G Harper and many things are resonating for me. Especially this -
Our task as adults in the world is to experience it as fully and truly as we can. We owe the world our joy and authenticity. We owe ourselves healthy boundaries, fulfilling relationships, the opportunity to care for others, and space to care for ourselves. We have shit to do on this planet and our adulting is what allow us to do those things, with wisdom.
Important stuff includes taking care of others. Taking care of ourselves. Not just doing the things we need to do, but being the person we are here to be. Adulting is about claiming our space in the world. It’s finding that courage and confidence within. That’s always been there, because it’s a mechanism of being human,it just get lost or stripped or subdued but, willing so, it can be found again, always within.
I’m 2 years sober today!!!
It’s honestly so baffling, as I NEVER never thought I would actually accomplish something like this! When I started out, 2 yrs ago, I was so scared and alone. I was hurting, deeply and thank GOD it became clear to me that I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t live with the depression and despair that drinking alcohol consistently brought me. So, I handed over everything I had left within (which didn’t feel like much) with the hope that something greater than myself would love me…and would help me through the pain and suffering I felt. I prayed I could be loved as well as shown how to love me - at least enough to stop torturing myself. Alcohol is like poison to me. I am SO HAPPY to have learnt that sober life = my best life! For sure! Always! Without alcohol, I have found courage and strength that I didn’t know I had. I have found a joy in life that is unimaginable when drinking. I believed when I was drinking that I was doing it to have fun, to be confident, to enjoy life, to release my inhibitions and insecurities… but, truthfully, alcohol does the direct opposite! once we start believing in ourselves and looking at the life ahead of us with gratitude and curiosity…Well! Wow! What can I say… life truly becomes evermore amazing, because we learn that we can do and face anything, because of what we’ve been through, because of the struggles. life on the otherside of drinking and being drunk, is pretty darn wonderful! I’m SO thankful to this community and to so many people on here who have helped me this past two years to get to this point! I have felt inspired, motivated, excited and proud. I am grateful to be amongst so many other vulnerable, courageous and wise people Thank you.
Here’s to one day at a time and to saying no to the drink that matters - the first drink! And don’t forget, when you’re mind is convincing you that having a drink is a good idea, play the tape ALL the way through! Because it’s not. Don’t let your own mind fool you. Love and be kind to yourself. We all deserve happiness
Congratulations! I love what u said before about discipline. When u discipline a child, it is not all about the scolding. It is the love, guidance, boundaries, etc. Sobriety is the same. I would never scold my children constantly, so I shouldn’t constantly beat myself with shame and guilt.
Thanks Lisa! I did! My parents came over and we had a pizza and movie night which was great! I really enjoyed sharing and spending this special occasion with them; and, they’re both very proud of me, which is also a nice thing to know!
lots of loving kindness, some common sense and boundaries where needed is what I suggest. And, remember the serenity prayer -
I appreciate the advice, as well as the kind words
Thank you.
